So apparently I'm having 18 people for a lunch party on Monday.

[Womblealongwithme]

DH and I were supposed to be at a party 3 weeks ago and unfortunately, I came down with a sickness bug so DH went on his own.

He has just reminded me about the bank holiday party we're having on Monday and asked what I needed him to do for it. Except I wasn't at the party and knew nothing about said party. DH is the loveliest, kindest man on the planet and was diagnosed with ADHD about 10 years ago, which means that sometimes, he has conversations with me in his head, that don't quite make it to me! (Like inviting all and sundry to said bank holiday party!) So, dear readers, I need ideas from you lot quickly. We don't have a barbecue so I have my fridge and an oven and not a lot of kitchen space.

Add to that, that most of tomorrow will be taken up with various sporting activities for DS and DD so I don't have a whole lot of time, pretty much Monday morning only! Oh and it needs to cater for vegetarian and coeliac guests. Help!

Disclaimer - DH will absolutely be involved in prep and feel awful that he has sprung this on me!

Well this thread makes me feel grateful for my strong boundaries and considerate relationship. My
own dh gasped when I told him about this thread. In real life I can’t imagine any of my friends being happy with this, least of all because hosting and clearing up after nearly 20 guests is a lot of work even for those of us that host regularly and have helpful dh and children! Assuming they are actually coming and dh wasn’t drunk at the time. A flimsy invite at a party would always be followed up here.

@Nestingbirds this is what gets me, how is this the first OP has heard of it, if they are her friends too. Understand if they are his work colleagues or similar, but if one of my friend’s DH had invited us to theirs for a meal, I would have had some communication with my friend by now

In honesty it's best we don't know how this ended.

I find it utterly depressing that women still put up with this shit in 2025 and let men walk all over them, cater to their whims and expect them to ask "how high?" when their waste of space DH orders them to jump.

And to put it down to their DHs ADHD diagnosis as if that's the reason is yet another way of vilifying neurodivergent people and giving them a bad name,

Once again you are completely disregarding the information the op has provided. Op is not fixing her dh’s mess - op has been clear there is no mess to fix.

I get it @Womblealongwithme . It’s a bit “FFS Bob, you could’ve said, mind you it’s a sunny bank holiday and I’d love to see our mates” situation. It wouldn’t particularly phase me either if I had no other plans, but my husband would defo be pulling his weight to get everything ready.

I’d normally suggest a big chilli with all the sides (tacos, nachos, sour cream, guac, cheese etc) but as it’s gonna be hot I’m not sure that works.

Let’s us know what you end up doing!

Lots of suggestions for Costco/Iceland, and pre-prepared salads etc.

See this is one of the reasons I really wouldn’t want to host at the last minute. If people are coming to eat at my house, I want to make the food myself, not open tubs and put them on the table. Maybe I’m just a massive snob 😬

And no, I’m not a brilliant cook, and I don’t find it easy which is exactly why I need plenty of notice, otherwise I’m not doing it. Getting together with friends is the important bit, of course, but if I’ve offered a meal (or my DH has offered on my behalf, which he knows better than to do), I am going to make a meal.

In my friendship group, we always offer to bring contributions (salads, desserts, ice creams for the kids etc) and those offers are accepted. I think it’s lovely to get together with people you love where everyone has brought something nice to eat. I obviously don’t expect or demand that friends bring home made stuff- if they bring something shop-bought, that’s fine by me- some of them have busier, more stressful lives than others. But the stuff I’m providing will be home made if I’m the one who has suggested the get together and it’s taking place at my house.

But it sounds as thought the OP’s friendship group might operate differently to mine.

Anyway. Hope you came up with a plan and that you and your friends have a lovely time tomorrow OP.

You’re lovely & unflappable. I like it. Marry or adopt me please??? 😂😂😀😀😆😆

It’s weird the way people are determined that OP should find this a mess, an imposition, a borderline LTB event of seismic proportions when she’s been quite clear: she likes her 18 friends, she likes her husband, she just wants to know quiche, coleslaw or both.

It is easy to make the soup vegetarian/vegan/gluten free e.g broccoli, potato, onion and gluten free vegetable broth. Then have a lot of toppings anyone who wants to can add: cream, grated cheese, bacon, croutons, tofu croutons, etc.

Works well alongside a spread of many other dishes. Sweet potato and coconut based soup if curries, etc. can top with tofu, shrimp or chicken.

I suspect this is a made-up thread

I’m totally with you, @Waitingfordoggo - though I have a couple of straightforward, tried and tested menus read to pull out of my hat for such eventualities.

But I would definitely find it VERY odd if, out of 18 invited guests, not one got in touch to ask “what can I bring “.

🤦🏻‍♀️

I notice OP says she is giving adult DC lifts, not DH

Agreed. As I posted earlier, I practice hiding my 'Oh dear, Costco groundhog platter' face at many of the corporate functions I endure. It's not the quality or the value, that's unquestioned. It's the uniformity that's lifeless.

@Waitingfordoggo If people are coming to eat at my house, I want to make the food myself, not open tubs and put them on the table

I'm exactly the same! I would make most things from scratch. Only providing a last minute, supermarket spread would be embarrassing.

Unless people are living in cold countries or cold parts of the UK, I'm also surprised at some of the food suggestions for Aug bank holiday- especially given the hot forecast for most areas. Hot soup, chilli, stews, jacket potatoes etc!

I would not be turning up on bank holiday Monday to an event I hadn’t been properly invited to. A mention of it at a party a few weeks back wouldn’t constitute an invite to me, especially if half the hosting party was ill at the time the invite was tentatively suggested. I’d have expected a follow up message confirming it’s going ahead, or a proper invite even if just via WhatsApp. How many of the 18 will even be there if you haven't officially invited them or let them know the meal is happening? At parties my husband is always mr gregarious saying every dick Tom and Harry should pop over for a bbq/roast/pizza etc next weekend or bank holiday but no one just then randomly turns up without an actual thing being decided?!

I’ve just clocked the ‘invite’ was given 3 weeks ago. Had the OP not spoken to the friends, been chatting in friends chat group etc in the last 3 weeks and no-one has mentioned the party!

'It's only a surprise to me, but I daresay people will contact me tomorrow, the day before.' (OP, yesterday).
Well, it's 'tomorrow' and no update on whether anyone's bothered. The OP was reluctant to check in with potential guests (even just to check DH's inviting skills), but has been to Costco. They're not coming, are they. But the OP's not coming back either.

Hi OP. If it’s not too late, this looks good, quick and easy…

www.instagram.com/reel/DNvJ6A2UO9l/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Yes @sittingonabeach and @littlemousebigcheese- I wonder if OP even knows what time her surprise guests are supposedly arriving. 🤔

If the DH issued the invites at a party, did he really say ‘come round to ours on BH Monday at midday’? Or did he perhaps say ‘We should get together on BH Mon- everyone come to ours’, in which case guests would still need to contact OP to ask what time, (and also hopefully ask what they can bring as I think that is a normal and polite thing for a guest to do).

Cancel saying you’re unwell and will reschedule?

Please don’t bow out completely!!

I'm completely on your page …. We host regularly, and usually enjoy it. It’s a joint effort and it sounds like you’ve got exactly the same dynamic. It sounds like the people criticising, telling you to go out, get a bug, tell people to bring a dish, are not keen hosts. I’ve come to realise us sociable hosts are a dying breed! Which means, the only frustrating thing I find is we rarely get invited to anyone else. We individually invite friends round without having a full board meeting first!

Do please come back Tuesday to let us know what you decided on. No need to let us know how it went - I can already tell by your attitude it will go welll!

I’m a keen host but the bring a dish meant everyone brought something a bit different and it was a lovely contribution and atmosphere

No top tips. Sounds like you’re sorted. Just to say this is exactly the sort of thing my dad would do to my poor mum. He once went to the supermarket and brought home two young men who had spring a hole in their tent (or similar) and had my mum make them a meal and put them in the spare room. Just one of many random things he did. Very standard. They’ve been (mostly) happily married for 46 years now. Just standard absentmindedness on his part (mum was always cross but laughed about it).

It’s not weird it’s MN. Par for the course. Posters calling her a doormat and suggesting all is not well in her marriage are probably projecting their own lives.