So apparently I'm having 18 people for a lunch party on Monday.

[Womblealongwithme]

DH and I were supposed to be at a party 3 weeks ago and unfortunately, I came down with a sickness bug so DH went on his own.

He has just reminded me about the bank holiday party we're having on Monday and asked what I needed him to do for it. Except I wasn't at the party and knew nothing about said party. DH is the loveliest, kindest man on the planet and was diagnosed with ADHD about 10 years ago, which means that sometimes, he has conversations with me in his head, that don't quite make it to me! (Like inviting all and sundry to said bank holiday party!) So, dear readers, I need ideas from you lot quickly. We don't have a barbecue so I have my fridge and an oven and not a lot of kitchen space.

Add to that, that most of tomorrow will be taken up with various sporting activities for DS and DD so I don't have a whole lot of time, pretty much Monday morning only! Oh and it needs to cater for vegetarian and coeliac guests. Help!

Disclaimer - DH will absolutely be involved in prep and feel awful that he has sprung this on me!

I would certainly be checking that they were all coming before starting organising anything. If people know the DH can be a bit random with his conversations as a prospective guest I would also be checking with OP that it was okay and was there anything I could bring etc. We wouldn’t have enough plates, cutlery, chairs to cater for 18 for a start, so some picnic chairs would be a help if I ended up in this situation.

Op’s DH is also not providing a good example to DC. It’s okay mum will sort it.

Does he do random things like this at work?

@Womblealongwithme if you already had something planned for Bank Holiday, what would you have done?

Yes, the kitchen does need to be scrubbed to ensure all trace of gluten has been cleared away before any food prep. TBH, I'd just ask the celiacs to bring their own food in airtight containers that they just eat straight out of. You get used to be asked and it's far safer all round.

I was diagnosed with ADHD years ago. I’ve never accidentally invited 18 people for a party and failed to mention it to my partner.

Not every neurodiverse person is the same.

@Womblealongwithme the point that you are missing is that some men (and definitely not your DH by the sound of things) do this sort of thing deliberately to make their partners life more difficult and unpleasant. Unfortunately, lots of us on Mumsnet have experienced strategic incompetence and/or cruelty. Personally, I think it’s great that so many strangers are concerned for your wellbeing.

That's why he forgot to tell her.

It does not explain his entitlement to invite 18 people for his wife to feed, without even checking it was ok with her in the first place.

Or even considering that she might have plans on that day - which she did, because she'd planned to drive their kids to/from sporting events.

No shit. I don’t think it’s anything to do with ADHD though.

I'd just get some cold food in from marks and Spencer big cake paper plates and cups and a case of wine and fizz

I think this is harsh OP. I agree with the poster that it is odd that no one has messaged to confirm. I dont they are accusing you of making thing up but more that your DH may have got things mixed up or something like that?

If I was coeliac I certainly would be checking in with OP, unless it is one of OP’s family that is coeliac.

Would be nice to know what you ended up buying?!

I cba to do this anymore. We either get a caterer or even better get large Cook meals. The lasagnes are the best - they serve loads pre made put them in the oven also do bought garlic bread and bagged salad. No cooking really. Your Dh can do it all.

Life’s too short to be scurrying round like an extra at Downton Abbey downstairs section on a sunny bank holiday. Sod that.

Oh come on, you can't bow out now. We need to know how it went. How many showed up? What did you serve? Did you enjoy it? It's really so frustrating when OPs don't come back.

Tell him he made a mistake or tell him to tell them to bring their own dishes

It’s still only Sunday…

Of course you wouldn’t, and only a professional MN contrarian would argue with you.

Glad to cheer your Sunday! One year, Christmas Day I'd given him stuff to do, table, cutlery, glasses etc, one daughter was out with her family seeing in-laws other daughter was keeping him out of my hair. He came in from the garage, blood streaming down his face, I'd told him so often to make sure the garage door was all the way open, this day it wasn't and he'd walked into the corner of it. He was taken to A and E by daughter and I did Christmas lunch blissfully happy to be left alone! He returned stitched together feeling sorry for himself!

We really do need a Bollocks button! What an inane comment, some women are very jealous of others who don't make a crisis out of the slightest thing and are adult enough to cope. I too am jealous, all the brownie points the OP's accumulated and an addition to the family saga for years.
Hope it goes well, whatever you do!

Yes, and then it will be Monday. And then Tuesday. And if the OP bows out, we won't know what happened.

Weirdest spin I've ever seen on a woman being totally taken for granted by her selfish husband.

Unless it was written by a bloke.

Actually that would make perfect sense.

They are hosting their friends tomorrow. How can she report back until after the event?

Cheese plate, dips, some nice bread (you can get nice gluten free ones), crudites and a big salad plus some chicken drumsticks in the oven.

But ooh the lolz!!! 'Darling, remember when I invited 18 people over for food, didn't tell you, then asked you how you were feeding them?! So funny!' 🤨

Costco is a good shout - buy some giant pizzas, quiches, sandwich platters and some big tubs of salad to accompany and for those who are gluten free. Add a cheese/meat board and some bread/gf bread, coleslaw etc. And Costco make those huge cakes - a choc fudge cake with strawberries and cream, those who don’t eat cake can have strawberries.
Hope you have a great party .

I don't know the names of the tenses involved, but I thought my rhetorical approach was clear. I was obviously wrong. 'We need to know' states our position regarding the event. This would of course be fulfilled after the event. There follows a list of questions showing the specific information required. It's like running through a putative conversation as a way of conveying a stratagem.