So apparently I'm having 18 people for a lunch party on Monday.

[Womblealongwithme]

DH and I were supposed to be at a party 3 weeks ago and unfortunately, I came down with a sickness bug so DH went on his own.

He has just reminded me about the bank holiday party we're having on Monday and asked what I needed him to do for it. Except I wasn't at the party and knew nothing about said party. DH is the loveliest, kindest man on the planet and was diagnosed with ADHD about 10 years ago, which means that sometimes, he has conversations with me in his head, that don't quite make it to me! (Like inviting all and sundry to said bank holiday party!) So, dear readers, I need ideas from you lot quickly. We don't have a barbecue so I have my fridge and an oven and not a lot of kitchen space.

Add to that, that most of tomorrow will be taken up with various sporting activities for DS and DD so I don't have a whole lot of time, pretty much Monday morning only! Oh and it needs to cater for vegetarian and coeliac guests. Help!

Disclaimer - DH will absolutely be involved in prep and feel awful that he has sprung this on me!

Exactly this.

I have ADHD. It means I often leave things to the last minute and then run around like a blue arsed fly but ADHD doesn’t make you volunteer your spouse out for hosting duties without their permission.

It sounds like the DH has done a right number on the OP.

It is very annoying isn’t it.

My dd has adhd and the very first thing we taught her was personal responsibility. Own your mistakes and fix them swiftly. Let others know how your adhd affects you so they understand. I would be mortified to see her behave like this and she is young! What a failure of parenting, and now as an adult it seems he is just continuing to care very little for others.

You're a lovely woman who has asked for some buffet ideas. You didn't once make any remarks that deserved the backlash youve received.
Shame on all of you who jump on every post with your aggressive, petty, spiteful remarks. I hope you're all enjoying your perfect lives and perfect relationships, swanning around impressing people with how strong and powerful you are.
I don't know why I look at mumsnet, it never fails to make me lose a bit more faith in humans - women to women more than anything. Is dragging each other down and saying 'you don't want to do it like that!' part of feminism?!
I hope you have a lovely party tomorrow, OP and continue thriving in your happy, loving and co-operative relationship with your kind but sometimes scatty husband!

He arranged the party.
Didn’t tell you
The day before asks “how can I ‘help’?

Fuck that. He can do it or cancel it.

Well, yeah, I'd probably have checked with everyone that they were coming before shopping for food.

But that's because I'd want to know whether people had actually taken it as an invitation rather than a, "You'll have to come to ours on BH Monday!" that everyone agreed would be a nice idea but immediately forgot about afterwards.

But, by the sound of it, the OP's friendship group rolls differently.

It's not unkind to point out when a woman simply cannot see she's being taken for a mug by her husband.

He had absolutely no right to invite 18 people for you to feed in the first place, without asking you first.

That's just common, normal decency.

He could've sent you a text and if you said yes, fine, then invited them.

How about - salads, pasties, finger foods, then veg pakoras/samosas etc - curry sounds great! Or rice and nan.

All are quick to buy ready made from the store.

Dessert - fruit platter - ice cream etc.

Oh this is absolutely something that I, also diagnosed with ADHD, would do! Friends often have to check with me if I remember I’ve invited them or I have to check if I had the conversation with them out loud…😂

Big bowls of potato salad, salad, coleslaw and Costco is your friend 😂

have a lovely impromptu…for you anyway!…bbq!

Op I hope you and your family have a fabulous party tomorrow, the weather forecast looks good, so an outside buffet with lots of salads and picky bits to suit all tastes should work.

Oh and several crates of beer and bottles of wine if your guests will be drinking. Soft drinks too, obviously. I'd make a summer punch with Pimms and lemonade.

What mess? Op is quite happy to see her friends - she has been clear they are her friends as well as her husbands. At no point has she said she doesn’t want to host the party with her husband. Op has been clear both prepping and hosting is being done as a couple. All she has asked is for some food ideas as she has some other commitments to work around so needs food that can be prepped relatively quickly. That is literally it. Food ideas for a party she is looking forward to. No mess. No drama. No fuck ups.

Hi Friends
Dh just told me about our BBQ. Given late notice thanks everyone for not telling me can we divide and conquer?
A. you bring nibbles/and dips for 18.
B you're on salads . Green salad, potato salad and one other for 18.
C. Puddings for 18.
All bring own booze.
I will provide all the expensive meats.
Can the fussy nonmeat eaters and the pain in arse dietry needs peeps provide own mains.
Any questions sort amongst selves. I will be back from Sports club runs at 1.00pm so don't fuckingshowup early

But you have no idea what their overall relationship dynamics are.

You are imagining what this would look like if it happened in your relationship but your relationship is not their relationship.

The only reason the party won’t be a fuck up is because OP is fixing her husband’s mess and asking other women to do his mental labour for him.

Wine & crisps.

I think the question is whether you are sure that DH invited people in a way that means they will come.

If it was a casual ‘Let’s meet up on the bank holiday- you can all come to ours’ then the guests might not have taken it as a serious invitation. Especially if they know DH well, and would have expected a follow up text (from yourself) firming up the plan.

It would be more than a little annoying if you ended going to a lot of effort for guests who didn’t realise they were supposed to coming.

I’d do a veggie chilli and a meat one. Easy to cook in bulk. Lots of veggie sticks and dips. Tortillas and bread as well as rice for the chilli. Dessert, a giant Elton mess covers everyone, unless they are dairy free!! Could also get a load of individual ice creams, the pots are quite nice

I love your attitude op. I would be horrified at this but we are all different.

I always cringe at the thought of ´vats' of anything- especially'banging' curry - I know I am far from alone in really disliking curry to the point of being repelled at the best of times. Baked potatoes, however tasty, cheap and filling don't really cut it for a summer party either.

You have had some other great suggestions. With more time I would be tempted to do a poached chicken salad in a creamy mayo dressing, ( you could go retro and add some green grapes- surprisingly good) lots of different salads and maybe some cold poached salmon.

As it is though, I hope Messrs Costco come up with the goods. Tell us how it goes!

Haven't RTFT so hopefully someone else has pointed this out before you went to CostCo @Womblealongwithme, but a buffet/BBQ is a bad idea when you're catering for celiacs as there's too much risk of cross contamination. Massive vat of veg curry with rice and GF naans is a safe option!

Lunch for 18 at short notice would send me into a panic. I'd phone caterers and get them to deliver the food and send DH to get the drinks. The subsequent bill would definitely help DH to rein in his ADHD when offering hospitality in future.

As a vegetarian I always recommend not doing something wildly different to the meat choices. For example do a meat chilli/ lasagne and a veggie one. If you go and do a veggie tart and a meat bbq for example you'll find some meat eaters will gravitate towards the tart and then there is nothing left.

I always find the best get togethers are when there are lots of picky bits just to choose from such as breads, dips, falafels, cold meats etc

I initially thought could food for a caeliac be prepped first. However then I thought won't the kitchen be a contamination risk in general because OP's household handle gluten all the time?

I remember from when DD was allergic to peanut we used to bring our own food because the risk of contamination was always there in other people's houses.

@Womblealongwithme
just want to say in solidarity to you this is my life too… although no ADHD just a very sociable DH!
This morning he’s invited “people” tomorrow for a BBQ, no idea how many… he’s put it in a couple of group chats…
no big deal, they’re friends so they’re welcome 😁
Hope you decided on what you’re going to cook!

DH is the loveliest, kindest man on the planet and was diagnosed with ADHD about 10 years ago, which means that sometimes, he has conversations with me in his head, that don't quite make it to me!

@Womblealongwithme so nice to read a positive comment about ADHD 😊 and relationships. I have a relative with ADHD and he can struggle somewhat with relationships.

I don’t know what happened in the rest of the thread, presumably it was some kind of bunfight!

I don’t understand all the negative comments about OP’s husband when she clearly states he has ADHD which is an invisible disability for those who are not aware 🙄, which is likely why he he forgot to tell her. OP you sound lovely and understanding of your husband. Good idea with Costco, have a lovely day

This!