So apparently I'm having 18 people for a lunch party on Monday.

[Womblealongwithme]

DH and I were supposed to be at a party 3 weeks ago and unfortunately, I came down with a sickness bug so DH went on his own.

He has just reminded me about the bank holiday party we're having on Monday and asked what I needed him to do for it. Except I wasn't at the party and knew nothing about said party. DH is the loveliest, kindest man on the planet and was diagnosed with ADHD about 10 years ago, which means that sometimes, he has conversations with me in his head, that don't quite make it to me! (Like inviting all and sundry to said bank holiday party!) So, dear readers, I need ideas from you lot quickly. We don't have a barbecue so I have my fridge and an oven and not a lot of kitchen space.

Add to that, that most of tomorrow will be taken up with various sporting activities for DS and DD so I don't have a whole lot of time, pretty much Monday morning only! Oh and it needs to cater for vegetarian and coeliac guests. Help!

Disclaimer - DH will absolutely be involved in prep and feel awful that he has sprung this on me!

Maybe people are ignoring it because I asked for some food ideas. Not for random marriage advice based on my husband being a bit of a twat and forgetting to tell me something that I'm not overly bothered about. Yet, some, including you, seem to see it as your duty to psycho-analyse with your boiling frogs gubbins. You don't know me, or him. We've been together 27 years, married 22. Have been through bereavements, cancers (both of us) and all manner of other things that would make your hair curl.

If you don't have any good ideas, fair enough, but good grief. 😂

You'd really turn up on the doorstep 3 weeks later without so much as a text, or having (presumably as friends do) mentioned it during any contact in that time?

OP, I don't think the above poster was suggesting a divorce, so I don't understand why you are getting so defensive.

But I do think that a Mumsnet classic applies here: "Poor planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on mine."

Why not leave him to it and focus on the commitments you do have, like all the activities for your children? If you have time to spare, you can help him out, but it would be crazy to run around last minute for something you didn't organize and didn't agree to.

Put some jacket potatoes in the over, buy some salad stuff and order pizzas. Relax and enjoy it.

I’m still not understanding how it’s ok for a man to unilaterally decide to invite 18 people to a party to be hosted by his wife without asking her?

I mean what was he thinking? I know you said he offered to help but even the act of inviting people without checking with you first is so bizarre to me.

I think that’s what people are not understanding. OP.

@Womblealongwithme please tell us what’s on your final menu! Hope you have a lovely day!

id be going for salads (one rice, one couscous, several leaves) and dips (hummus, baba ganoush, muharamma) with roasted veg/hallumi/chicken trays which are decent warm/room temp… and then some ludicrous ice lollies / milkshakes / cocktails for desserts

I'm probably getting defensive because I don't understand the MN habit of picking people posts apart to find something that isn't there. Having said that, I don't suppose it matters if random people on the internet think my husband is a nob so you're quite right.

Pretty sure my 21 and 19 year old children don't need me to plan their activities for them though. 😂😂😂

I don't think they really need to understand? I just asked for some food ideas for a buffet, that's all. 🤷

I responding to what you said in your first post about their sporting activities:

Add to that, that most of tomorrow will be taken up with various sporting activities for DS and DD so I don't have a whole lot of time, pretty much Monday morning only!

Sure, as your children are adults, you don't technically "need" you. However, I am sure they would be pretty annoyed if you bailed on them because your husband is trying to dump his own hosting responsibilities onto you.

Go to Costco as planned, see what they've got, and just buy in bulk. People can do finger food while they socialise at your end of season last minute party. Everyone will live ... heck you can all laugh about it together I suspect.

They only need me for lifts really. Again, not really a massive issue, we'll work around it.

Well, I think you're making a rod for your own back. But it is your back.

Love your style @Womblealongwithme Laid back and almost horizontal. 😁 Well played. 👏

If my partner had fucked up this way, he’d have cancelled or sorted it without being asked. What with it being his mess.

My thoughts exactly.

I had 25 recently (7 vegans) and served a few Ottolenghi type salads, lamb koftas, marinated chicken thighs, vegetable skewers, breads and dips.

Very easy to prepare in advance and everyone went back for more.

Good luck OP!

@Notquitethetruth laid back or someone who is always having to fit round everyone else. Are DS and DD helping out, do they have a say in 18 people descending on them on Monday?

I’m still not understanding how it’s ok for a man to unilaterally decide to invite 18 people to a party to be hosted by his wife without asking her?

This is the thing isn't it?

It's the epitome of taking your wife for granted.

Forgetting to tell her afterwards is neither here nor there for me.

You are very laid back by the sounds of it, given you knew nothing about this until now!

If I'm having a gang over I keep it simple and it doesn't matter that it's not conforming to the usual healthy rules as a one off.

1. Tray of cocktail sausages, loads of them
2. Tray of chicken drumsticks
3. Tray (or 2) of potato wedges and oven chips
4. Soft bread rolls
5. Dips and veggie sticks
6. Crisps of all varieties
7. Buy something for gluten free, otherwise a few baked spuds with GF filling, such as butter, cheese, veggies etc, they will also be OK for the veggies.
8. Ice cream and tinned or fresh fruit.
9. Water jugs/squash
10. Alcohol of choice.
11. Disposable plates and cutlery or use your own if you have enough
12. Glasses and disposable cups (one day won't save the environment sorry)
13. Citronella candles if outside
14. A large G+T and enjoy.

All door mats are horizontal.

We hosted that many people yesterday and our main bit was pulled pork. We got two pork shoulders from Costco and put them in the oven early morning on a low heat with a few different seasonings. We got lots of cobs/bread rolls and then just had an assortment of things to go with that; stuffing, apple sauce, cheesy coleslaw, bbq sauce. I also did a big cheeseboard and a charcuterie board and some different salads including a pasta salad, a Greek salad, some plain bits like cucumber/ carrots etc and then a big bowl of honey, lime and ginger rocket, which every always seems to really enjoy. Very minimal effort but was really nice 🥰

This sounds good

It really is extraordinary isn’t it. I have a great relationship and a very long marriage with my dh because we are considerate, thoughtful and put each others’s wellbeing first. I do not find this behaviour ‘affable’ at all but the very epitome of male entitlement and privilege.

It reeks of ‘Oops, oh well there is a little woman somewhere that will pick up after me’….after all I am ND and inviting eighteen guests for dinner without even mentioning to my wife is just par of the course.

That’s really not the impression I’m getting here from the OP at all.

Ah come on, there's really no need to be unkind about me.

Genuinely, thank you so much to the lovely posters who understood what I was asking for and have helped with some great ideas. I'll bow out now, I've been on this forum for almost 20 years so I can just see where this is going. Again, thanks for the ideas.

All doormats are horizontal made me laugh! Not unkind but absolutely true! And if it doesn’t apply to you op then no need to take it personally. Your dh should be organising this entire thing from start to finish and profusely apologising to you all. Whilst you are sat down with your feet up, with a glass of chilled champagne he has purchased as part of the party shop as a minimum,

Show him the thread - maybe he will see how poor his behaviour is if you are avoidant.