What do I eat when I’m dying?

[Okitsme]

I’ve just been given weeks to live.
I’ve found it very hard to eat for the last couple of weeks and am forcing myself to eat a certain number of mouthfuls while in hospital.
If you have looked after anyone in this situation what things did they like?
I loved food and cooking

I'm so sorry, op.

When my friend was in her last days, she ate a lot of ice cream. If someone close to you can make it, that's a good option as they can do different flavours, and increase the calorie content with different ingredients, but obviously all ice cream is good ice cream. Very easy to eat.

OP if you're thinking of spritzers, I've just discovered Lillet. It's French, Waitrose sells white and rosé. I've only tried the white and it's my new drink of choice with a small can of fever tree tonic and a sprig of mint. It's aromatic, clean and refreshing, feels like a proper grown up drink but it's only 17 percent and I use 50 - 70ml with one 150ml can of tonic, so actual alcohol is pretty low. (I wouldn't bother with the orange slice it recommends, it just messes with the flavours. But I wouldn't be without the mint).

I’m so sorry.

In the final weeks my mother couldn’t eat at all. She had no appetite. I even bought pot and my brother’s girlfriend prepared brownies in an attempt to get her to eat. By that stage it was too late.

You might try meal replacement shakes such as sustagen or up & go. It contains calories, vitamins and sugar.

The only thing my mother wanted was cordial with crushed ice.

So sorry to read this. I hope you have lots of loving support around you.

It reminded me of a brilliant talk I heard on Radio 4 a few years ago, when my FIL was losing his appetite towards the final weeks of life. It was by Kathryn Mannix, a retired palliative care physician, and talked about the natural process of changes to energy levels and appetite as we come to the end of life. It was such a good talk, I transcribed it and have shared it with others. This is the section on appetite:

"Around this time, other changes become less apparent. People feel less hungry, and less inclined to eat. This is normal towards the end of life, but it can be hard for families to bear, partly because providing food is one of the ways we show our love to people. Now is the time to move to tiny tastes of delicious morsels, just for the pleasure of them."

Not sure if that's helpful, but it probably fits with what others have been saying.

Jelly and ice cream!
I’m sorry you are in this situation OP. Wishing you strength. X

you eat whatever you fancy in tiny portions - so all the best bits on a fork. Get relations to bring things in - there are plenty of food flasks these days - soups, stews, curry, roast dinner, everything lovely - get them to go to a fav restaurant and buy a meal they bring in in portions.

When Mum was nearing end of life we would feed her perhaps half a doz mouthfuls of thigns we knew she liked - mostly nursery type stuff as it needed to be soft etc

If you find it doesn't bother you so much what you are eating just pick simple things - boiled egg chopped in a cup and seasoned, super cheesy mash with half a decent sausage, rice pudding, sponge pudding and custard. Don't be afraid to just have dessert either.

You really won't need alot to sustain you

I hope you are not in pain and are at ease with things. Sending you a gentle hug

Absolutely anything you like and can fancy. I would go for nursery style food, easy to get down, so porridge with cream and golden syrup, rice or any kind of milk puddings, creamy soups. But honestly, anything you can face.

I'm so very sorry.

When my dad was dying in hospice he mostly ate cakes, jelly and ice cream or custard and sweets like jellybeans and liquorice allsorts but he always had a very sweet tooth and those were his favorites. Towards the end he did request a cheese burger from a take away nearby.

When my FIL was dying it really affected his taste buds and everything tasted awful to him even things he used to enjoy.

Just eat whatever you fancy, if you feel like eating sweets or cakes or junk food then do. If you fancy something particular brought in ir made for you don't be afraid to ask friends or family as they will be more than willing to get you what you like I am sure.

I hope you aren't in any pain and are receiving the best care ❤️

So sorry for your situation. My DM ate fresh cream cakes and chocolate, both things she always had in absolute moderation throughout her life. As kids we used to joke about her carving up the bar of chocolate. Eat what you want/can.

I’m so sorry. My grandfather would only eat rice pudding, wotsits, strawberry flavoured sweets and jelly.

This might sound callous, but it is not meant that way, but why does it matter?
Eat anything you fancy - choc ice and chips, smoked salmon on artisanal bread, packet soups
As long as you eat something, even tiny portions ten times a day, what you eat is pretty irrelevant

I understand that nothing appeals (this happened to my aunt), maybe cooking something you enjoy making for someone else would give you the desire to have a small portion for yourself?

Have you ever had a bacon grill sandwich? You should have one. White bread, lots of butter, brown sauce. If you can stomach it have a Finders Crispy Pancake.

Aside from that milkshakes. My Nan basically just had milkshakes. Get someone to get you or make you a Jammy dodger milkshake, they’re really good.

So sorry op. I think I'd want champagne and chocolate cake, but nobody can say for sure unless they're in the situation.
I hope you have friends and family around you.x

My mother had secondaries in her liver which made food challenging so we were told little and often. If she fancied it, she got it... which included home made chips for breakfast, a quarter of an hot cross bun but the key to this was to be quick because 20 - 30 mins later the fancy would be gone.

The other thing we found really helpful was to ration visits to 15 mins, unless it was close family. This also gave our neighbours a purpose, my mother moved into her house on the day that they moved into their's, post war builds of the 1950s, and they would keep an eye on anyone coming into see mum in the early days and would subtly hoick out visitors with a "Mrs C won't tell you to go but she gets tired, but come over to our's and we can have a chat over a cup of tea," stopped my mum telling people to bugger off as she was knackered.

My mum considered knowing her time was limited as a gift, a time to heal wounds, to say thank you and share confidences, yes, it will be challenging for you and your family and I wish you a peaceful journey as you move on.

In the last few weeks of my DM's life the family ran around sourcing food and drinks that she suddenly fancied eating/drinking and it gave us a focus and less of the feeling of helplessness. She would be asleep then wake up saying 'peaches' or 'mushrooms' or even 'glass of chilled champagne' sometimes she wouldn't want it by the time we came back but sometimes it was like she was already in heaven whilst tasting things she craved at the time.

My dad liked little trifles and yoghurts of course. Maybe angel delight would be good?

My grandma died as her liver and kidneys shut down over a 6 month or so period. She never had the most robust appetite but ate dried mango and cranberries, tikka masala sauce, lemon posset and tiny squares of Warburtons toastie bread with proper butter. It was like she wanted to scratch various sensory "itches" with the minimum possible amounts of food.

I hope your last few weeks are a rich tapestry of emotion, love and comfort.

My DH would manage a couple of teaspoons of Panna Cotta or a small slice of smoked salmon. His appetite fell away over the last few weeks he was alive. Eating and swallowing was difficult in the last few days.

May you enjoy the company of family and friends and be at peace.

I’m a hospice nurse. Eat what you fancy as and when you feel up to it. You’re eating for pleasure now, not for nutritional input. Soft foods are popular with our patients, e.g. soup, fish pie, mashed potatoes, soft stews, ice cream is very popular as it is cooling to the mouth, custard, chocolate pudding etc. Ice chips for comfort.

As others have mentioned, the appetite decreases towards end of life so do not worry if you do not want to eat. Try to maintain fluid intake if you are able; again drink for pleasure but if you do want to incorporate some nutritional aspects then there are supplements available like Fortisps. We make our own supplement including full fat milk, milk powder, nesquik and cream/ice cream. Supplements are nutritionally balanced, ours is designed to get fats in for energy so geared less for our very end of life patients but many still enjoy it. Broths also. OXO/marmite with hot water are reasonably popular.

Please do not stress about eating. Families become very distressed when they see their loved ones going without food and drink. It’s normal but hard for relatives to witness. If your family starts discussing IV or subcutaneous fluids, be warned that these are rarely recommended for end of life and can cause fluid overload because the body cannot cope. Medical professionals not in specialised palliative care can sometimes make unwise decisions because their instincts are to preserve life. Go with your gut instinct and needs before agreeing to something you feel is not in your best interests.

Make sure palliative care are involved somewhere in your care; pall consultant, MacMillan nurses, community pall team, community nursing, local hospice at home team if available near you. Also make sure you have anticipatory medications/just in case medications prescribed and at home; at a minimum this should include pain meds, e.g. morphine or oxycodone, something for terminal agitation like midazolam and something for respiratory secretions e.g. glycopyrronium/hyoscine butylbromide. Different trusts/ICBs have their own formulary so they may prescribe different drugs but you need an analgesic, something for agitation and for secretions. These should be injectables and should also include other drugs prescribed dependent on your diagnosis. This is where the community pall team are good, they can guide GPs in the right direction.

Discuss your needs and wants with your loved ones. They may not want to talk about it but it really does help. Wills, burial/cremation, funeral directors, details of bank accounts, what bills you pay etc.

Above all this is time to be selfish. Now is all about what you need to die with some form of peace. All the best xxx

I would have a Bloody Mary x

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

My mum liked those tiny Bonne Maman strawberry mousse things (you can get other flavours), I think that was one of the last things she still managed to enjoy a little before she died. Sending love to you.

I’m so sorry OP 💐
My Nan enjoyed ice cream during her last days in hospital, I remember her enthusiasm eating from a sponge lolly despite being basically asleep.
My DM last weekend, in her nursing home, probably no where near death but riddled with dementia had the same enthusiasm for the ice cream I was feeding her more than anything else. The parallels really struck me.
So nice vanilla ice cream x

My man was the same one of the last things she had was ice cream fed to her by my dad,she loved it

Best wishes OP. ❤️

I was extremely ill with chemo toxicity (but not dying) following my first and only cycle of chemo, and really struggled to eat anything. I was told, basically, that anything was better than nothing so I should eat what I wanted.

I lived on chicken noodle soup without the noodles, pringles, full sugar coca cola and chocolate instant horlicks made with milk. Then when I started to feel a bit better, ready made cottage pie, chicken dippers and fish fingers. Those were the things I fancied at the time.

Eat what you fancy. Now is not the time to force yourself to eat things you don't.