This behaviour is it a sign of something ? DD 12 won't wear anything except one outfit and won't change for ned

[AmazingSummer]

It's been going on for ages and I've tried every which way to try and get her to wear more clothes she point blank refuses. She went with her sister to buy another pair of trousers before our holiday and got some jeans she wouldn't wear them .
She sometimes hand washes her t shirt in the sink she won't change for bed and wears them to bed.
I've tried every which way including germs of clothes etc. it's not the texture of the clothes and I'm pretty sure it's not her figure

She seems extremely awkward and self conscious when out and around people she doesn't know well. She would sit in silence rather than asking something

She's very aware she's out .

But then like a theme park with her sister she will relax and be more herself.

I think this is DD being extremely self conscious as said once she's with palls or into something she's fine and in the moment .

It’s to do with repetitive behaviour and sensory issues.

https://emmagleadhill.com/articles/staying-connected-the-superpower-to-get-you-through-the-tweens-and-teens/ we've had some online appointments with this lady. She's been good for us.

@Needlenardlenoo that looks really interesting thank you

I am keen to see what help we can do now even her understanding herself better before we hit 14/ 15 and she will be harder to help and control
Her school is quite good but I know from DD older class many girls get into drugs and stuff boys parties quite young.

This could also be a sensory issue. Temperature control, recognising when you are too hot/cold, then being able/unable to act on that can be related to sensory processing difficulties.

@flawlessflipper it was last winter at an event she refused to wear the hoodie or a coat and was shivering like mad wanting to go home and get I could tell she was trying to shiver as lightly as possible and looking around to make sure np one waxthjng

My top tip would be that change is more likely to come from you changing how you react than from her gaining insight.

To give one example. DD has regular hangry meltdowns which have ruined many a holiday. The only thing she will reliably eat in that situation is mashed potato. Emma (the counsellor) said, well if it's UK self catering, why don't you take a daily portion of frozen mashed potato?

It worked! I just had to get over my unhelpful view that mashed potato isn't a breakfast food. Which is illogical when you consider hash browns etc.

My niece since at least 2022, maybe before, constantly wears "that top". It's grown with her and nearly every set of photos I see she is wearing "that top". She's in Florida at the moment and I've seen photos of her wearing "that top". She wears it because she knows it pisses me off. Teenagers eh?

see what her GP says op, they will likely have further advice

She sounds very similar to DD when she started secondary, like many autistic girls she fell apart gradually.

She went from a fairly happy smiley girl to withdrawn, stopped speaking, not smiling ever, loads of OCD around clothes and her bedroom (god forbid the duvet wasn't straight).

We tried to get help but she's non disruptive and flies under the radar, eventually we moved her to private school and she's honestly a different child in the first term she was photographed smiling at an event and my heart broke.

She now has a lovely group of friends, talks too much in class, sings and dances in all the performances and is a well liked member of school.

That's not to say she still doesn't show signs of being autistic just that she's in a good place so the outward behaviours are greatly reduced, always remember behaviour is communication.

She was diagnosed at 8 but I would have missed it if it wasn't for the fact that our nephew is autistic and I had one light bulb moment when she couldn't understand why someone would be upset.

She's shown sensory issues all her life (some are only noticeable with hindsight) and has always been stubborn.

Don't be fooled into thinking autistic girls can't be social or won't have many friends, they can and do equally some are very happy without many friends every child is different.

It's so hard when they are clearly in distress and I hope your daughter finds her peace.

I think I would try some simple supplements to see if it eases her tension. Myo inositol. Lithium Orotate, l- theanine. I’d focus on relaxation and over all mood balancing with these, see what happens.

OP I'm wondering if it's ADHD and a low tolerance for having to think about another thing.
Or anorexia as I suffered as a teen and apparently it's a thing to wear the same shapeless clothes to hide weight loss.
Or a dislike of puberty and changing from a girl to a woman hence the trousers.
She maybe ashamed of her body or have body dismorphia.

I think it’s about repitition. Safety and security ( doesn’t like change and sensory issues.

My Audhd dd is the same.

It’s nothing to do with DH not being bothered with what he looks like! Actually he’s quite fussy, as is DD2. It’s about feeling right! Ime, how someone with ADHD, OCD and autistic traits thinks is a world apart from how most people think - it’s like saying apples are like oranges!

I didn’t mean to sound like I was implying she did smell but it’s a possibility in this situation. I would hate for other kids to have an excuse to bully her.

Did you do it on her behalf? Or did she?

I’ve just done it. I’m not autistic, and scored higher than that.(22) And that was even with answers which would suggest I was strongly NOT autistic.

( fwiw I have ADHD, so I’m definitely ND. )

there weren’t many sensory questions on this test.

DD2 did the AQ50 and scored 35/50. The psychiatrist said that was a high score. However, she decided not to pursue an autism assessment. She’s probably got enough labels already and it wouldn’t add anything. The rest of the family did it, and scored between 8 - 14, mainly because we are all introverts. We’d prefer to go to the library than a party for instance.

OP’s DD might have social anxiety? DD2 has it, and is a completely different person with us, to how she is among people, she barely knows.