This behaviour is it a sign of something ? DD 12 won't wear anything except one outfit and won't change for ned

[AmazingSummer]

It's been going on for ages and I've tried every which way to try and get her to wear more clothes she point blank refuses. She went with her sister to buy another pair of trousers before our holiday and got some jeans she wouldn't wear them .
She sometimes hand washes her t shirt in the sink she won't change for bed and wears them to bed.
I've tried every which way including germs of clothes etc. it's not the texture of the clothes and I'm pretty sure it's not her figure

She seems extremely awkward and self conscious when out and around people she doesn't know well. She would sit in silence rather than asking something

She's very aware she's out .

But then like a theme park with her sister she will relax and be more herself.

@BSky4 yes I think all of this and the mental remnants of that toxic friendship are all feeding this.

I've taken her and older DC to shops to buy new stuff before our holiday
She got some really nice jeans ! Won't wear them .
I said I'll pay if you wear them but if you don't od like the money back...she just said take them back then

I haven't they are in the bag !

@PennywisePoundFoolish agree but she did really stat to stand up to this girl at the end of year sox and push back say no etc go with other friends and had amazing insight as to what was wrong with this girl.

So I contact doctor as a first step and ask for lougles right to refer and try and find a psychologist with ASD teen specialism.

Whether it's ASD or not I do feel self esteem is playing a part

• that Austim test I just did she scored 10 / 50 24 and over us suspected ASD.

Once shes established shes absolutely fine it's just getting her over that hurdle. I was so worried about secondary and I'm amazed at how many friends she has they have a wonderful group

You said she wore school uniform OK last term? So this has only been over the summer holiday so what 4 weeks? It's just probably she has an outfit she thinks she looks really cool in and so perfectly reasonably prefers to wear that.

She's 12, right? DD3 had a huge friend group in year 7. The end of year 8 is brutal. The big friendship groups fracture into factions.

@Corfumanchu
When it's school she will just wear her school uniform and sleep in it.

When it's the weekend she changes into her one outfit and wears it day and night.

Back to school her unform day and night ( we do have several shirts and trousers so at least we can rotate that )

Have you been able to check her subtly for self harm scars ?
just a thought. One of my nieces has a couple and whilst now she just doesn’t worry about them, she was obsessed with sleeve length etc for a long time
my daughter was an unwashed grott bag at that age to be honest. I think there’s ancient posts on here about it. It’s almost like a rebellion against growing up ?
so much changes for them from primary to secondary and my dd inherited the breast size from both sides plus more and absolutely hated anyone looking at her because boys on the bus would comment. Etc etc.

DD2 was also part of a big group in year 7. Although to be fair, there were only 6 that she really spent time with within it. That became 2 and those two are her friends for life. They accept her ASD, know she has a very limited social battery, and are content to meet up every few months for a couple of hours.

@QOD that did cross my mind.

But from what I've seen no and our recent holiday involves swimmkg. She initially said she didn't like swimming any more and wouldn't do it i said dine she can sit with me.
Of course when she saw this amazing water park she was straight kn and no signs of anything.

But I can see with how she deals with things it could be a concern.
At parents evening she was squeezing herself really hard

@AmazingSummerim off on a bra hunt today and I feel overwhelmed by it. I’ve lost 5 and a half stone, according to the tape measure I’ve gone from 44 inches onto 34 inches below my bust. The situation is desperate and I am having to really mentally steel myself for it. Currently sat at Costa working my way up to heading into the shops to try on a million until I find one (hopefully) that will be acceptable. I have actually put this off and made do for months to avoid it. And I am an adult with a professional job and big responsibilities who can rationalise my decisions and understand what needs to be done. If your daughter has any similar feelings about her clothing then it must feel very big to her.

It can be a complex thing to unpick. From a very young age, I was always described as shy and awkward, low self-esteem etc. Which was standard for the time I grew up in, as I wouldn't have met the criteria for a diagnosis as it was then.

I switched friendship groups around Yr9. My parents were distraught, but I was desperate to be part of the 'cool' kids in my neighbourhood, rather than the kind ones in my year group. I wouldn't take their advice, no matter how right it was.

@QOD she also washes nornally

Girls tend to notice any new clothes or change in hair style immediately and comment on it, it’s part of female socialisation. Even if the comments are nice having attention drawn to you if you are a very self conscious person can be excruciating. Keeping her appearance exactly the same could be a kind of invisibility cloak for her ( ironic as she will end up commenting on the fact she always wears the same clothes). She could also be having intrusive thought type OCD where her uniform is “protecting” her from “bad” things.

bless you op, i hope you can find help
some good advice above
The Girl With The Curly Hair - Autism Training, Animations, Books

I feel for you! I was in a charity shop a few weeks ago, and I mentioned being bad with shopping. The lovely lady decided to try and help me find outfits. I got completely overwhelmed and when she briefly left me to serve at the till, I bolted! I felt terrible but I just couldn't cope.

@InfoSecInTheCity I am with you on the bra.
I wore my favoures to death and last year bit the bullet and when to John lewis spent more then I ever have and can barely wear them ,too tight !

So I'm back to square one and have my old fav m and s one and will try and ask for something similar and if by some miracle I'm able to get into a comfy bra again I will buy many pairs.
Same with trainers I buy them on threes now.

Good luck today !! I feel your pain.

@Wbeezer I know
I read girls with austrim who wear the same clothes and hair can be singles out and bullied

I didn't know whether to mention this to her.

My other dd is older but I'm thinking she could be
She's sensitive to noises and has misophina meals can be hard because she's triggered by my eating.
She's got a wide diet but just a few things she doesn't like to texture. Mild intolerance to some clothes because of the aforementioned seams....nothing extreme but there she has lots of clothes she will wear.

Crumbles quite easily at any perceived crirism , works very hard etc. finds it harder to initiate or start conversations etc

DD often refuses new clothes or things initially, especially shoes. If they lie around the house for a while sometimes she accepts them.

DD is hyper sensitive to smell which is often the issue.

Have you tried Sloggi Zero Feel? I get them on Amazon. They're seamless and stretchy.

Not if you're big busted though.

I am another poster who would look at referral for an ASD assessment.

DS1 and DS3 have multiples of the same clothes. When we find something acceptable, we buy more than one of that item. Although sometimes the same item in a different colour is acceptable. Ordering online and trying on clothes and footwear at home makes the process less stressful.

DD2 struggles with bars. 99% of the time she wears sports bras.

I am also autistic and whilst I don’t struggle with clothes as much as my DC, I am quite particular.

I'm inclined to think so too. Perhaps she is so good at masking all the rest of the time that her clothes at home are the one safe thing she can use to decompress.

The clothes aspect is definatly more of a safe comfortable thing

My dd is 16 and used to be like this. She wore her school fleece everywhere, even in searing heat in Malta along with black leggings that she favoured. She is extremely self conscious, almost to the point of paranoia and I think she felt invisible in those clothes. For the last year or so she has broadened her horizons with what she will wear, but she is still very self conscious. The stuff you wrote about your daughter's previous toxic friendship really resonates with me as my dd had a similar one, they were also friends with a girl who had serious mental health issues. I have no advice as such, but my dd did improve a lot as she got older.

@Deadringer yes I the other girls behaviour was so extreme and a mind fuck at a very formative stage it's not helped with the self conscious aspect

DD won't wear any fleece and is the opposite she will shiver and freeze and won't wear cooler clothes in extremely hot weather even in bed.