This behaviour is it a sign of something ? DD 12 won't wear anything except one outfit and won't change for ned

[AmazingSummer]

It's been going on for ages and I've tried every which way to try and get her to wear more clothes she point blank refuses. She went with her sister to buy another pair of trousers before our holiday and got some jeans she wouldn't wear them .
She sometimes hand washes her t shirt in the sink she won't change for bed and wears them to bed.
I've tried every which way including germs of clothes etc. it's not the texture of the clothes and I'm pretty sure it's not her figure

She seems extremely awkward and self conscious when out and around people she doesn't know well. She would sit in silence rather than asking something

She's very aware she's out .

But then like a theme park with her sister she will relax and be more herself.

@Cat3059

I strongly suspect both in laws have something
And they both feed and enable each other.

It causes me untold distress when I first met DH because of her contant watching us in her house always commenting on our actions . Then coming to our house and being overly judgemental but fully backed up by fil. I felt personal twenty years later i realise it's her .

Everyrhjng to her is dirty ,disorganised cluttered.
I strongly suspects mils sister is autistic and her DC but not their mum at all.

DD room is messy as a normal 12 year old but she does have quirk like she will only dry her hands on a towel from the clean drawer under the sink not the actual hand towel.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Test: Symptoms in Children https://share.google/ezZDj5d25hE2NaDiT try this OP?

Please, please stop saying that - you don’t know.

I wasn’t able to identify that certain clothes and textures were an issue for me until I was well into my late twenties.

You think this started at secondary, that's a big change in her life and this is one thing she can control when many other things are new, scary and out of her control.

Can you try giving her more control over her life? Ask her to make choices about where you go and what you do? Get her involved in cooking and offer choices over what you make? Obviously only offer very limited choices but she does have some control then. Offer her more clothing choices but she chooses the clothing and try to find items as similar as possible to her safe outfit.

Ultimately I think you are going to need professional help.

DD3 had lots of little things that on their own could have been shrugged off. Using cutlery to eat finger foods, wouldn't sit on the sofa without a towel underneath her, etc. Then it became more obvious.

I do hope you can find a solution.

Bumping this post. You have mentioned that DD is very pretty which makes her noticeable. Does wearing "a uniform" help her (in her own mind at least) blend in? If she wore something new/different could she be concerned about being accused (by Amy or other peers) as trying to draw (even) more attention to herself? How is she when away on holiday or visiting relatives? Does she loosen the rules then? Is she likely to grow out of the one permitted outfit any time soon?

@GoodVibesHere ..yes that sounds more like it trying desperately not to be seen .

Definitely looks awkward around other teens but has settled into school surprisingly well!
She's got at least 6 goos friends and an older girl we know said she sees her bustling around the school with her friends .
She's had self esteem issues in the past she was a late learner and the school initially was awful and she could t read and saw her peers reading and she was being left behind .

Transitions like changing schools are often huge flashpoints for individuals with autism. I’ve had multiple autistic burnouts over the years and every single one was linked to a big life change and transition.

@Schoolchoicesucks thankfully....amy doesn't go to her school !

She went off as she told DD to a far better more important private school but yes even putting her hair in a higher pony tail would have and did trigger comments from Amy.

No doesn't relax anyehere else I said going on holiday these people don't know you and you won't ever see them ever again etc.

She wore the clothes all day and then into bed.

I’ve really noticed that in older generations what was seen as OCD/ anxiety/ social awkwardness/ depression /eccentricity could equally fit into current autism diagnoses.

since my DC’s diagnosis, I’ve noticed it a lot more. A friend has a SIL who always struggled/ led a chaotic life, despite being from a stable, supportive family. Recently, lots of her family ( younger gen) have had been diagnosed ND. So I reckon that’s been her problem.

also have a friend who had anorexia when we were growing up. She’s always been very intense. I’d now say she was autistic

The t shirt no ,the trousers hopefully

Does DD tolerate school.uniform OK? If so, maybe September would be the time to try to find an acceptable out of school outfit (and buy several...)

It sounds like a comfort blanket. Would she maybe wear something else but have the tee shirt in her bag so it's close by, and could put it on if she felt she had to? Could you persuade her to wear pyjamas if the special clothes were under the pillow? Try and see if you could wean her off them gradually.

If you have her friends over perhaps you could initiate a conversation about clothes and what they like, what is 'trendy' and see if you can spark a bit of interest in clothes in your DD, girls of that age are starting to get interested in fashion and they may have more influence in that area than you have.

@Verydemure recently I think it's been decided that all young people with EDs will be screened for ASD because the overlap is so huge.

When DD3 was diagnosed with OCD, the psychologist said that if she hadn't already been on the ASD waiting list, she would have put her on it.

ASD is so misunderstood in females. We present so differently to males.

@dogcatkitten tried all that even silk pajamas .

Non of her friends seem into clothes they all wear plain leggings etc

@Needlenardlenoo when it's school she will wear her school stuff all day and intl bed she sleeps in it.

Strangely though it's a girls school with skirts and she wears trousers !!

In summer they wear dresses but she's in her trousers.

@Lougle so do you think this clothing issue could be seen as OCD ?

@Needlenardlenoo she's scored very low on that test it's all very specific re germs and and stuff.

It needs professional evaluation to unpick why. It could be part of autism. It could be the start of OCD.

https://peaceofmind.com/education/related-disorders/autism-spectrum-disorder-asd/

This has a helpful chart showing the overlap.

For us, what made the OCD clear was how illogical it was and how afraid DD3 was of breaking the rules. Whereas the ASD traits were very calm and 'just were'.

So, for example, needing the toilet when she had just been to the toilet - OCD. Being afraid to walk down the stairs in case she needed the toilet between floors - OCD.

https://psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient

Try this one.

I agree with others that this sounds like autism. I think don’t fight it and let it be. If possible and your dd willing, buy multiples of the outfit so she can wear one while the other is washed. Check out the autistic girls network- they have been so helpful to me and my family

Sorry you are having a tough time. Teens can be tricky.

Alongside being mindful of whether there are signs of ASD, AU I was just thinking how secondary school is a big transition and so is general adolescence- is her body developing and changing shape? Have her periods started - how is she coping?

You’ve said she is very pretty, so I suspect she stands out and gets alot of attention she may not welcome, or be ready for, even if it’s positive - all of these may make her feel uncomfortable and her clothes are perhaps this safety net.

She has also had a toxic friendship in the past. Although she had the resilience to move away, and now has a new positive friendships, this previous experience may play into how she represents herself in the friendship group and to peers.

Might be worth seeing a therapist - either you/and DD. It may help you to get some strategies to manage things at home as you fear this rigidity moving onto other things and a waiting list for any diagnosis might be long. Something to help you and your DH manage or have conversations with DD. Look for someone with experience of working with teens. Your GP or the school might be able to advise.

In the interim can your DD go out with DS and they shop for a few things she feels comfortable in? Even if it’s buying multiples of the same thing? If they are close would your younger DD accept any hand me down clothes from your other DD that fit her criteria?

Lougle , 10 / 50.

The test should difference between her friends and new situations because now shes in a friend group she's absolutely fine ,chatty happy to go to new houses for sleep overs etc .

But with new or older people shes extremely awkward.

Reading through your posts, what stood out to me was:

1. DD struggled initially in primary school and was identified as being behind. She has since caught up
2. DD had an unbalanced friendship situation in primary. Has resolved as the main "friend" went to a different school
3. the inability to wear anything else, including needing to hand-wash the outfit
4. not taking school uniform off at all, including sleeping in it

I would really consider an ASD assessment. OCD can co-occur with ASD. I personally don't think looking at it as OCD in isolation would fully address it, as if she needs CBT, it should be adjusted for her being autistic.

Girls are known to present differently. All my DC are autistic and are boys. I'm on the waiting list for an ASD assessment, I'm 48.

It's not uncommon for autistic girls to fawn in friendships. I certainly did that, and being drawn and "accepting" being treated nastily by "friends".