PIL have given us a tree

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

Lighthearted. Sorta.

PiL are very very nice people but have a history of getting slightly impractical presents.

Recently, they came to stay with us and said they had a gift for DD1. Lovely. It was a tree.

Apparently, when she was a tiny toddler she handed MIL a seed on a walk somewhere. MIL is an excellent gardener and decided to germinate it. For the last 8ish years, she has apparently been growing it. It is now a small sapling in a hefty tub. Which it has outgrown and even to my eye, needs replanting

Here's the thing - I don't want to plant it. First, we have a small garden with mature shrubs and there is nowhere for it to go, assuming it'll grow. It'll shade stuff/ roots go under fence etc.

Plus, our garden is the approximate consistency of skree. Genuinely, I have dug holes to put in play equipmt for the children, and it's hard manual labour, incl breaking up stones etc.

But DD1 is super excited and sentimental about her very own tree, that will always be in the garden till she's grown up (etc).

Help!!

Could you leave it in a tub in your front garden if you have one - we have a number of trees all in tubs though so no digging and no problem with roots etc

Just took a look at this and pretty baffled by people saying this thread makes them sad, I am flexible etc.

We're replanting in a bigger pot as that sounds like the most suitable thing. DD can help. She will love that, the tree will hopefully survive.

Sounds fine to me.

And yes to the PP who said about planting it and then having to cut it down in 5y if the roots are going somewhere they shouldn't, that has def been on my mind! DD would be very upset, knowing her

I’d keep it in a pot, but not a massive one as some people are suggesting. It doesn’t need to grow huge, it’s a present not a fruit tree that has been bought to produce fruit.

Re-pot when it's dormant, assuming it's deciduous. Trim back the roots and a bit of the crown. Less is more.

Use top quality compost with drainage, e.g. perlite mixed in. Water in with seaweed liquid to contact transplant shock.

Do you have any green space nearby where you could ninja plant it?

i would keep it in your garden, but in a pot, it might be vandalised anywhere else.

I think repotting the tree is a good decision. From your description of the quality of your soil it might not thrive well if you planted it in the ground.

I looked up growing trees in pots because I have two trees in pots and want to repot them and actually wasn’t sure how long you can keep growing them in the pots. I will copy and paste a link to a good article I have read that you might find helpful.

https://www.dapplelandscapedesign.com.au/gardening-info/grow-trees-in-pots.htm

Agree with larger pot consensus and leaving that for dh to sort. Sounds like you have enough to deal with and need the downtime. Sometimes a thoughtful gift can feel like more work when we are busy or worn out.
Years ago when I was very unwell, people sent flowers and while lovely, they made me feel overwhelmed because I felt I had to get up and find a vase and put them in water. Years on and I guess that almost seems pathetic but I remember that overwhelm and how I just didn’t have it in me to do a single thing more than basic self care and care of my children. I then felt guilty if I let the flowers just die, so felt I had to put them in water.
I know it’s not quite the same but I do know that when you are tired, a thoughtful gift that means more work for you, doesn’t feel like a gift, more another burden.

I always put cut flowers outside, in a big jar (ie ex pickle jar) , place by a window and top up with water. Flowers last longer outside, you can still enjoy them through the window, no mess to clear up inside when petals drop. Win/win

I think if they're gardeners they maybe don't understand how non-gardeners feel about trees. I only discovered these fears on Mumsnet. Trees do not need to be grown as the tall standards you see in the park. Even an oak or beech can be grown as hedging a few foot high. You could chop the stem right down to a few inches high in the Autumn or early spring, several new hydra like shoots will come out as spring goes on and you can grow is as a multi-stemmed bush. It will help to know what species it is but say if it's an apple you could grow it as a step-over that never grows higher than a couple of feet, or a single cordon. Trees respond well to pruning, they are strong resilient plants. If you keep it permanently in a pot in the autumn/early spring tip it out and prune the thickest strongest root back, and every few years replace the compost around it. As long as you prune the top and the roots you don't even need to ever buy a bigger pot. That's the basic principle of bonsai, you don't need to keep getting bigger and bigger pots until it's 10 metres tall. You decide how tall you want it and if that's 2 metres or 30cm that's fine, just prune it accordingly and it will be fine.

I would tell the ILs that you can’t plant it in your garden and if you leave it in a pot it might die from lack of watering when you go on holiday. Ask them if they could plant it in their garden and the grandchildren could see it when they visit. I have potential trees in my garden that the grandchildren have grown and these are the first things they look at when they come to visit/stay.

Don't get the angst. Just replant it in a big pot. Tell dd that way if you move house you can take her tree with you rather than leaving it behind/the soil in your garden means it won't grow etc.

Planning it in a bigger pot sounds like a good plan.

We used to have a tree in our garden that was 'for the park rather than a garden' according to the Hessayon book on shrubs and trees. Had to have it cut down.
So easy to have a tree that swamps a small garden.

A pot's the best answer.

My DH planted two trees for me: identical - one in a pot; one in the ground. According to the book we consulted, both were suitable for a suburban garden and we were reassured by the "height after 10 yrs".

The one in the pot (a very large tub) was dwarfed and constrained but still its roots broke through and unfortunately it didn't survive being moved.

The other one is still in the ground, but I've had to have it topped and it will have to be done again every two years and eventually will have to go. It's been there for more than 20 yrs and I'll be sad to see it go, but it's outgrown its space.

I've already had to have two trees planted by a previous owner topped, pruned over the years and eventually removed completely and it's cost me thousands.

It was Hessayon's book that told us that the Picea Omorika we planted was okay for a suburban garden...unfortunately, it's outgrown Hessayon's expectations.

It’s actually a lovely thought, but you’re right not to plant it in the ground. After all, it’s for your DD, who may not be planning to live with you forever. It will survive in a bigger better pot until she decides what she wants to do with it.

I agree with this. Now that I'm an adult, I'd love to have a tree with that story behind it! I understand it's impractical but I'd definitely plant it and give it a chance.

Just put in a bigger pot.