PIL have given us a tree

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

Lighthearted. Sorta.

PiL are very very nice people but have a history of getting slightly impractical presents.

Recently, they came to stay with us and said they had a gift for DD1. Lovely. It was a tree.

Apparently, when she was a tiny toddler she handed MIL a seed on a walk somewhere. MIL is an excellent gardener and decided to germinate it. For the last 8ish years, she has apparently been growing it. It is now a small sapling in a hefty tub. Which it has outgrown and even to my eye, needs replanting

Here's the thing - I don't want to plant it. First, we have a small garden with mature shrubs and there is nowhere for it to go, assuming it'll grow. It'll shade stuff/ roots go under fence etc.

Plus, our garden is the approximate consistency of skree. Genuinely, I have dug holes to put in play equipmt for the children, and it's hard manual labour, incl breaking up stones etc.

But DD1 is super excited and sentimental about her very own tree, that will always be in the garden till she's grown up (etc).

Help!!

My ds was given a little sapling to plant as part of the 2012 jubilee. It lived in a pot for ages and then died because I didn't really know how to look after it. With hindsight I could easily have saved it but I kept putting it off as I thought it would be more complicated than it actually was.

Anyway I still feel bad about it, not helped by the fact that he has absolutely not forgotten about it. I recommend not abandoning this tree as you'll probably feel bad about it too once your immediate tiredness has gone away. Your dd is likely to love the idea of a tree grown for her by her grandma even more the older she gets and it will be a fond memory after your MIL eventually dies.

You don't have to do anything with it this weekend anyway - much better to wait till the autumn. Either do the bigger pot in the autumn, or if you put it in your garden could the grandparents stretch to paying for someone to plant it? We used to have a new build garden full of rubble and I'd rather have sold a limb than try to dig a hole in it myself to plant a tree in. They also sometimes need square holes, by the way, which is really strange but something to bear in mind.

I think it’s a lovely, thoughtful gift. Just repot it to a larger pot.

Another shout for a bigger pot! Order a plastic one from Amazon or similar, with some compost and a bag of gravel.

TBH if you’re watering it, it’ll be fine to be in the current pot until Spring which is the best time to re-pot. At this time of year it’ll be slowing down ready for Autumn anyway, so don’t panic if it starts to look dead, it’s the time of year.

Pot grown trees are brilliant - their growth is restricted and they can be moved round the garden, and to any subsequent houses
you/your daughter move to.

You’re not being miserable at all. People forget how busy mums (and dads) with small children are just with daily life. Whilst it’s a lovely, sentimental gift, it’s irritating that it’ll involve effort and expense from you, especially in a heatwave!! It’ll be fine left until Spring, I promise. I have about 15 trees which are all in pots, some grown from seeds/pips or saplings - they don’t grow huge because they can’t due to the pot. They’ve moved house with me 3 or 4 times too.

Sorry - didn’t mean to go on so much!!

Yes bigger pot and keep it well watered. Perhaps that could be your daughter’s job?

Can you not tell PIL that you've looked at your garden, and there's nowhere practical for it to go? Ask if she can have it? Do you have a neighbor/friend nearby who would take it and let your daughter see/look after it?

You can give the PIL a job to do, they need to identify the tree. You can’t plant it until you know what it is, how tall it will grow and what conditions it needs. It stays firmly in the pot (or a bigger one) till then.

If you post a pic of the tree, we might be able to identify it. In addition to getting a larger pot, get similar to these stands with wheels so you can move it about.
https://www.tesco.com/groceries/en-GB/products/325577670?sc_cmp=ppcGHS+-+Grocery+-+NewMPX_PMAX_All_OT_Marketplace+Top+Performers_Marketplace+Budget_1012757**325577670*&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22422832551&gbraid=0AAAAADiyNavLz3GxVZMXD85JXOlexSlRq&gclid=CjwKCAjwtfvEBhAmEiwA-DsKjts41HWY7IN5hY67lEftfXmeZ4mQVM_2oCOUDY_XvL2qY4o5d1aN5RoCeaYQAvD_BwE

This is the sort of thread I wish I hadn’t read early in the morning. It’s going to make me vaguely sad all day.

This is really miserable, OP. Imagine DD on here when she's grown up, talking about her childhood:
"When I was 10, my grandparents gave me a tree, grown from a seed I had found while out on a walk with them as a toddler. It was a really special gift, and I was so excited. My mum didn't plant it because she didn't want to waste her weekend."

What a lovely gift. You are being churlish. If you don’t want to plant it, why can’t your DH do it?

I normally roll my eyes at moany posts but I totally agree with you OP. .

A family member insisted on decking my outside space with impractical plants all of which are now dead. The absolute fucking hilarity of it is that after they first died, I actually re-fucking bought them as they were coming to visit, and created a flourishing garden in a weekend. Now they are dead again and I'm not doing that again.

What I do now have is a practical space (every year I get some flowers that last from May-Nov) . Costs me £30 a year. Done.

Anyway I think a self watering pot would work. Get your DD her own childs watering can so you can train her up 😂- kids love child sized versions of adult things.

And agree that it's too hot to be replanting now.

That is such a nice gift. What a lovely thing for your child to watch growing.
Kind grandparents.

Funnily enough, I have two seedlings from my childhood sycamore. Both decades old, still in their first (large) pots. They grow and shed leaves twice as they are stressed. I trim them back every other year, and only water them during drought. We've asked DC (who grew up with their GPs' tree, the parent) if they and their OH want one. Their decision, no pressure. BTW, these sycamores will NEVER be allowed in the ground.

No I sympathise/Empathise - but, there is nothing to say you need to do it now - that's your overwhelmed brain making stuff up/catastrophising.

it can stay in the pot for a bit. I wouldn't like someone dictating what I did in my house/garden, that's for me to choose. Two things can be true, MIL did a nice thing and you don't want the work of the thing. I remember getting flowers after I'd given birth. I was in so much pain and to me the faff of putting them in a vase made me think what a shit present.

This ^
I absolutely love the idea but I hate presents which require work from me. I would also worry that they might do it again seeing DD’s excitement.

Some of these replies are bat shit.

Firstly if you try and put it in the ground now you will most likely kill it- it is too hot, ground too hard, too full of leaf. Best time to plant trees is late November to early spring.

Secondly an unknown tree in a small garden is a recipe for disaster, even if it was planted this weekend and miraculously survived, cutting it down in a few years because it outgrew the space is hardly lovely.

You don't really need skill.

Just buy a shallow container and plant it. We've had an oak tree growing in a shallow pot for over 20 years. It's stayed the same height (less than 2 feet tall) for years. We have never trimmed its roots.

Your garden doesn't sound suitable for a tree so a bigger pot would be the answer (buy a wheel base at the same time so it can easily be moved). It's a lovely idea for your daughter but not very exciting for you 😔

We did this! Although we have now moved to our final home (bar any disasters) and so have planted all three out. Thankfully a large garden so we've been able to plant a number of trees. DS is thrilled!

OP, definitely keep it in a pot, so your DD can take it with her when she's older.

Even if you had good soil, you probably can’t dig a hole for it in the soil atm. In most places the ground is rock hard.

you should dig after the rain
but agree,
you need to pot it,
you can google lens the leaves

Plant the tree.

This is a symbol of your daughter's growth and your mother in law's patience and a link between them.

Maybe plant it in the largest tub you can so it can possible go to your daughter's home at a (much) later date. (if it survives)

Garden digging sounds like a no-go though!

That’s a lovely gesture of them

they sound lovely PIL

You are sounding completely inflexible but I get like that if I overwhelmed and exhausted and even a nice thing just feels like a load of hard work.
Leave it in the pot for now, just keep it watered. It’s been fine in there for ages and won’t come to any harm for another couple of months. It’s a bad time to plant anything anyway. Give yourself some time to have a think about it, but don’t let it spoil your weekend.