PIL have given us a tree

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

Lighthearted. Sorta.

PiL are very very nice people but have a history of getting slightly impractical presents.

Recently, they came to stay with us and said they had a gift for DD1. Lovely. It was a tree.

Apparently, when she was a tiny toddler she handed MIL a seed on a walk somewhere. MIL is an excellent gardener and decided to germinate it. For the last 8ish years, she has apparently been growing it. It is now a small sapling in a hefty tub. Which it has outgrown and even to my eye, needs replanting

Here's the thing - I don't want to plant it. First, we have a small garden with mature shrubs and there is nowhere for it to go, assuming it'll grow. It'll shade stuff/ roots go under fence etc.

Plus, our garden is the approximate consistency of skree. Genuinely, I have dug holes to put in play equipmt for the children, and it's hard manual labour, incl breaking up stones etc.

But DD1 is super excited and sentimental about her very own tree, that will always be in the garden till she's grown up (etc).

Help!!

@JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Could you just say that you don’t want to risk it being left behind if you move house and then keep it in a pot? It does sound like a lot of hard work in this hot weather :s

Nah, bugger planting it. Just shove it in a bigger pot so DD can take it with her in the future. It would be terrible for you to move house later down the line and for her to have to leave her very special and important tree behind.

There's an app called picture this - use the free version to take a photo of the leaves and it'll tell you what kind of tree it is

I would move it into a bigger pot.

How lovely of your MIL to plant the seed your DD gave her. A heads up sooner would have been nice, but it's lovely she planted it for your DD.

And if it's a fruit tree it'll be fine in a pot. I've got 7 fruit trees in our garden, all in pots and all thrive

Was a bugger to move them because of the weight but at least we could take them with us

Chatgpt will identify plants if you take a photo

Okay deffo going with the pot idea.

And DH can do that. He hurt his knee really quite badly 3y ago and digging not great but pot, definitely doable.

I think I will be all bright n chirpy and say "guess what DD1, Daddy's taking you to a garden centre this weekend!"

@LizzieSiddal worried if I don't do it now, it'll die and DD will be sad. It doesn't look great tbh. We have a hosepipe ban here so I water it every night by hand

I don’t think you are being miserable - my in laws did the same thing, except started the grow from when they were born, and it was a fuck off oak tree.
it’s in a massive pot, on the drive, waiting to die.
what the hell are we meant to do with an oak tree??

If you’re very tired and feel it’s too much this weekend, leave it in its pot, water it every evening in this dry weather, and it’ll be fine for another 4-6 weeks till planting season anyway. But, depending on what it is, I would buy a bonsai wide flat container and keep it as such. My DH is a keen bonsai grower and they’re so lovely. Lots of species that you mightn’t imagine can be raised as bonsais. Google advice and you may have yourself a new hobby with your daughter! And, do you know what, if it dies it dies, no biggie. Don’t stress about it 🤗

I absolutely love my plants but with that comes a huge responsibility for me and it makes me very emotional. I totally get your stress.

I have, in my garden, in a large pot, a tree grown from a conker one of my kids picked up. It is now producing its own conkers.

it’s in a pot as I plan on planting it in my last ever home ( which this isn’t). My youngest DC is 30 😂😂

Why do you feel you have to do it immediately, the things been growing for years, no harm is going to come if it stays in the pot a bit longer

I think its a lovely gift, no wonder your daughter likes it

On the one hand that is an amazingly thoughtful sentimental gift and I would be incredibly touched, what a beautiful thing they have done for your DD ❤️ on the other hand.... yeah I struggle to keep the DC alive let alone a tree 🫣 zero green thumb here so no advice and I totally get why you are having a wobble given its not straightforward and is going to take more energy than you have right now!
Hopefully with the ideas from PP you'll soon be looking at it from the one hand and feeling the joy in the gift, and what a lovely story you and DD will be able to share with guests over the years of how the tree came to be there (obviously edit out this wobble in the retelling lol)

I think two things can be true— it’s a really sweet idea for a gift, but it’s also kind of unaware not to check in with your son/DIL beforehand.

@maimeo is right, you can bonsai most trees. I have had oaks, horse chestnut, random pine trees, and ash over the years. Mainly started from acorns and conkers collected by DS.
So my approach would be to repot it into a SMALLER pot during the winter, maybe November. You can hack quite a lot off the roots to make it fit, and prune the top fairly hard.

Call it a "pet tree" and get DD to help look after it.

Lots for trees are great, th root restriction means that can't get too big.

Plant it in a whopping great plastic pot (the ceramic or terracotta ones weight a tonne) and water it during the dry patch.

If you want to save on watering, sink a couple of 2l pop bottles in upside down, cut the bottoms off and poke a couple of holes in the lids. That way you can use them as reservoirs and only water every other day.

I found that a godsend when I had too many things to water one dry summer.

Say you're keeping it in a pot so it can move wherever your DD moves when older.

Fruit trees do great in pots.

This

A fruit tree on its own roots is gonna be huge.

The bonsai idea is interesting but afraid I wouldn't have the skill!

I think I am going to do the lazy thing and go with a bigger pot.

And yes PIL have form for getting us very lovely gifts that are totally unpractical - like when I was working 15h days in the pandemic and we had 3 dc 5yo and under, they got us a piece of play equipment for the garden that would take about a day to put together with tools we didn't own, which we were meant to assemble whilst working and minding 2.5yo twins. Or gifting toddler DS a sentimental china plate from his great grandmother's china collection. These things are very very sweet but just so hard to manage if you work FT and run a house and have multiple young kids to manage.

Just don't plant it. Tell you daughter you'll do it when you have more time. If it dies in the mean time, tough luck. You need a break.

Or, since it is your husband's parents, let him deal with this. Don't let him be useless in this. Just because other people think you should be doing something soon, does not mean you actually have to do it. Refer all questions/requests your daughter has about this tree to him.

Just put it in a bigger pot? My mum has loads of fruit trees in big pots on her patio

You can get huge pots on Amazon OP, check they have holes drilled in the bottom to save you a big job. AND, remember to buy huge saucers to go underneath too.

I’ve got a tree in a pot that my in laws gave me. It just doesn’t grow any bigger now it’s reached its capacity in that pot. Had it about 10 years. It’s an acer tree not a fruit tree but it’s been very easy to maintain. I don’t really do anything apart from water it if it’s been hot. I’d def keep it in the pot. Tell DD that the tree won’t like the different soil and we don’t want it to get poorly so it’s staying it it’s pot. And then when DD is a grown up and moves to her own house, she can take it with her and not have to leave it behind

Get an ID and go from there. If a fruit tree you can grow in a pot and DD can take when’s he moves out.

i think it’s adorable though, but I get the impracticalities.

It sounds a lovely idea. You come across as a bit inflexible.

If you do decide to get it in the ground it may be better to wait until autumn anyway, plants don’t like being transplanted in the heat.

Depending on its current size, I’d be tempted to just put it in a bigger pot for now.