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Original poster

period came unexpectedly and new man coming round today - help me word message

104 replies

OrangeSmoke · 15/08/2025 08:07

I'm seeing a guy today, third date. It's very early days but I like him although possibly more as a friends with benefits type thing - I'm a lone parent and work full time so not looking for anything serious. I'm not sure yet.

We had sex on the last date and have both alluded to it this time around, I'm in peri and my cycle is usually still regular but my period has arrived a full two weeks early this morning. (I'm so pissed off but that's by the by).

He's not pushy at all but having mutually set up the expectation of sex I feel I need to tell him in advance. I'm still up for it but don't want him to feel pressured himself as I know not all guys are going to want that. Help me word this!

OP posts:
Original poster
OrangeSmoke · 15/08/2025 09:40

headoverarse · 15/08/2025 09:36

Have to say. I am genuinely surprised by women on this thread who wouldn’t use the word ‘periods’ or ‘sex’ or who think this situation is embarrassing.

I'm surprised by the number of women here who assume I don't want to have sex because it's my period - I do! I wouldn't judge any man or woman who didn't want to, I totally get it's a personal preference, but for me it's fine.

OP posts:
OldBeyondMyYears · 15/08/2025 09:41

Damnd · 15/08/2025 09:32

Oh god this is awfully embarrassing.. on all parts. I think I would go for, 'not up for sex tonight but happy to hang out!' Can we ladies not have an air of mystery anymore!

Why is it embarrassing?

anythingbutlillies · 15/08/2025 09:43

sandwichlover93 · 15/08/2025 09:08

What the actual fuck is ladies day?!

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Err , see her previous response to me.
You're not allowed to question this fucking bstshit phrase 🙄

Original poster
OrangeSmoke · 15/08/2025 09:46

Ohmygodthepain · 15/08/2025 09:29

Assuming you're late 40s/early 50s, and assuming he is too, why bother fannying about with ladies day/time of the month etc?

He's a grown ass man who hopefully has some experience of y'know, actual real women who have periods - I'm not one for teaching kids to use proper names for their genitalia but just tell him straight?

Hey, just to let you know that my period started unexpectedly today so just managing your expectations that sex is off the table - would be great to see you for movie/beer/hanging out though?

You've had sex with him but can't talk to him about periods?

We're both 42 😭 but fair enough your point still stands except that I'd still be up for it, I'm just okay if he isn't.

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 15/08/2025 09:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Original poster
OrangeSmoke · 15/08/2025 09:48

Update: he's still coming round, says he's happy to hang out.

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 15/08/2025 09:49

Oh wrong thread sorry.

Mugon · 15/08/2025 09:49

I wouldn't tell him in advance. What's he supposed to do with that information? Say Ok, I won't bother coming then if there's no sex?

Littleredgoat · 15/08/2025 09:51

OrangeSmoke · 15/08/2025 09:48

Update: he's still coming round, says he's happy to hang out.

Ahhh nice answer. Have fun OP

Original poster
OrangeSmoke · 15/08/2025 10:00

Thanks everyone, I feel like Mumsnet has helped to navigate an awkward situation this morning even if some of you don't think it should have been awkward.

OP posts:
FluffyWabbit · 15/08/2025 10:17

BitOutOfPractice · 15/08/2025 09:30

And I can cringe inside out at it without your permission though, right?

Just tell him you’re on your period. Would still love to see him but happy to reschedule if he wants to.

Edited
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Yes, anyone can be as petty as they like. Not disputing that at all. All the best.

IntoTheFringe · 15/08/2025 10:20

FluffyWabbit · 15/08/2025 08:08

So, unfortunately, ladies days decided to visit when you did - ha! You still okay to hang out? We can go for a dinner or a movie or whatever else! Let me know x

I wouldn't have a clue what you were talking about if you sent me this! Ladies Day is a day at the races... I've never heard a period called that before.

FluffyWabbit · 15/08/2025 10:20

IntoTheFringe · 15/08/2025 10:20

I wouldn't have a clue what you were talking about if you sent me this! Ladies Day is a day at the races... I've never heard a period called that before.

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First time for everything!

IntoTheFringe · 15/08/2025 10:26

FluffyWabbit · 15/08/2025 10:20

First time for everything!

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Hopefully the last. Why wouldn't you just call it a period?

FluffyWabbit · 15/08/2025 10:26

IntoTheFringe · 15/08/2025 10:26

Hopefully the last. Why wouldn't you just call it a period?

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Personally, no, because I find it crass. Appreciate there are differences in opinion. I think the difference, though, is that I did not call out anyone for their preferred terminology.

Mugon · 15/08/2025 10:31

IntoTheFringe · 15/08/2025 10:20

I wouldn't have a clue what you were talking about if you sent me this! Ladies Day is a day at the races... I've never heard a period called that before.

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Me neither. I definitely wouldn't expect DP to get it 😆

I might have to have the same conversation for a planned weekend away this weekend (also unreliably perimenopausal). I will definitely say "period", but I won't say beforehand, assuming that spending the weekend with me is about more than just sex

IntoTheFringe · 15/08/2025 10:33

FluffyWabbit · 15/08/2025 10:26

Personally, no, because I find it crass. Appreciate there are differences in opinion. I think the difference, though, is that I did not call out anyone for their preferred terminology.

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Crass?! Really? It is something that happens to roughly half the population on a regular basis. Why on earth shouldn't we be able to mention it? I have a daughter who will be starting puberty soon. I really hope she never feels ashamed of her body in this way.

FluffyWabbit · 15/08/2025 10:34

IntoTheFringe · 15/08/2025 10:33

Crass?! Really? It is something that happens to roughly half the population on a regular basis. Why on earth shouldn't we be able to mention it? I have a daughter who will be starting puberty soon. I really hope she never feels ashamed of her body in this way.

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Why do you assume I'm ashamed because my terminology doesn't mirror yours? What a strange assumption!

Anyway, I won't be answering anymore silly questions about my preferred phraseology since I don't see how this helps the OP with the original question.

Wish you the best.

Remember: Ladies Days - it's not just about the races! x

twilightcafe · 15/08/2025 10:36

ItsAWonderfulLifeforMe · 15/08/2025 09:03

I’m surprised by how many people are keen to have sex on their period, it would be a hideous mess if we did that and I find the whole thing quite gross. (Just my opinion don’t shoot me!) If he says no, that’s totally up to him and no pressure on him, I feel like if a man says no these days people think it’s a bad reflection on him but he’s literally only met you a couple of times and really might not like the idea

I've never wanted to have sex on my period (and certainly not now since perimenopause 🩸🩸🩸🩸)
None of my partners have wanted to, either.

Timeforabitofpeace · 15/08/2025 10:37

LindorDoubleChoc · 15/08/2025 08:16

You've had sex with this man but can't tell him you are menstruating? What a funny old world we live in.

Spiteful little dig there.

Coffeeishot · 15/08/2025 10:39

FluffyWabbit · 15/08/2025 10:26

Personally, no, because I find it crass. Appreciate there are differences in opinion. I think the difference, though, is that I did not call out anyone for their preferred terminology.

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Honestly I am not having a dig but you find saying period crass. Were you told it was unlady like or something ?

CurlewKate · 15/08/2025 10:42

FluffyWabbit · 15/08/2025 10:34

Why do you assume I'm ashamed because my terminology doesn't mirror yours? What a strange assumption!

Anyway, I won't be answering anymore silly questions about my preferred phraseology since I don't see how this helps the OP with the original question.

Wish you the best.

Remember: Ladies Days - it's not just about the races! x

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You are probably the most appropriately named mumsnetter I have ever come across!🤣🤣

IntoTheFringe · 15/08/2025 10:42

FluffyWabbit · 15/08/2025 10:34

Why do you assume I'm ashamed because my terminology doesn't mirror yours? What a strange assumption!

Anyway, I won't be answering anymore silly questions about my preferred phraseology since I don't see how this helps the OP with the original question.

Wish you the best.

Remember: Ladies Days - it's not just about the races! x

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I inferred shame from the use of the word "crass". Clearly I was wrong but I'm not sure how else to interpret that.

LemondrizzleShark · 15/08/2025 10:46

OrangeSmoke · 15/08/2025 08:37

I want to have sex though! I just want him to feel he can say no I suppose.

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But unless this was specifically a booty call just for sex, wouldn’t you be a bit offended if he cancelled seeing you because sex was off the table today?

I’d feel a bit used if somebody was like “oh well if we can’t have sex, there no point in me seeing you. Let me know when you can have sex again, and I’ll come round”. And that’s what some of these suggested replies read like to me…

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