If you are financially better off than the rest of your family…

[Overnightfloats]

How does it make you feel? Does it impact your relationships, even if the gap is not huge?

I am much better off than my parents and send them money monthly, as well as sort out big unplanned expenses. I do find this mildly annoying but can’t let them go without.

My DD is mid twenties and it’s too early to say how her career will pan out as she is doing a very specialist PhD. I support her too at the moment and worry that she will never earn enough to enjoy a good “adult” lifestyle and also feel like I will never be able to drop the ball. I am a good earner on salary, sensible with money, DH is the same. So, a lot of responsibility, some irritation and some guilt is how I feel.

We earn less as a household than every other member of my family, but we are more financially educated and sensible. So we actually live a better life and have savings and holidays etc, whereas they don't. Sometimes it's not how much money it's what you can do with it. We are the only ones who bought a house, bought a car, have savings, bonds, kids savings etc. And the one everyone comes to in emergencies 🙄 which yes I find very annoying because we have to manage on less but still have to bail everyone out.
So yes we are financially better off, but not literally 😅
It creates resentment in our family because they think we have life soo easy compared to them, and they always rely on me, or just expect me to pay/sort it out.

Not a problem pour moi.

One thinks that little Bro is a trifle pissed orf though! (Guffaw, gaffaw)

No guilt or annoyance at all here. I've bailed out both my siblings. Partner has bailed out all three of his. I'm not guilty about having more, and I'm not annoyed at using it to help our families. Life is down to luck, and we are lucky.

Same as the poster above, my family on benefits have more spending money than us a month by far, however we use our money more wisely. Bought a house, have savings, have savings for our children, pay our bills so no debt. Siblings ask me to lend them money and it’s annoying, they have more than me but piss it up the wall.

Same as the poster above, my family on benefits have more spending money than us a month by far, however we use our money more wisely. Bought a house, have savings, have savings for our children, pay our bills so no debt. Siblings ask me to lend them money and it’s annoying, they have more than me but piss it up the wall.

Sorry. I thought the original post said 'less well off'. backs out bowing and scraping.

Somehow, I suspect he's not jealous at all.

It makes me feel very annoyed about them tbh. Throughout their life they they have all made choices that ensure they have no safety net at all. Consistently spend everything on holidays and other unnecessary shit like smoking or animals they won't care for properly.
Choosing to not work or work very little. Expecting to exist on handouts, getting angry at the world when they do struggle. Being victims.
Acting like I have security and assets because I am lucky and they don't simply because they are unlucky.
It affects our relationship because they piss me off it makes me worry about them and yes, probably because they make me feel guilty too. Most of all watching my DM raise my siblings to be the same as her, and then them doing the same to their children makes me put space between them and my own little family.
I don't want to normalise that attitude to life with my own children.

I earn the most out of my siblings at the moment but they were more sensible when younger so have a house etc, whereas I went travelling. It’s nice to be in a position to help my parents out now if needed.

As a couple we have far more money than anyone in our family. No one has ever asked us to bail them out or help with big expenses. My DM is very good with money and ensured that she and my DF had paid into private pensions. Now she is alone and aged 84 and has more money than she needs. We have given DD1 money for a house deposit and a few house related things. We have money aside for DD2 when she needs it. This is our choice.

It’s not really a problem for us, we do pay for more things like meals out etc but it’s not caused any issues. Everyone is working, no-one asks us for anything and it doesn’t get mentioned at all.

Yes, and I always tried my best to look after them, but I’ve stopped in the past couple of years because they began to expect it. Three brothers and one sister have all borrowed money (from small sums up to thousands) and only one has paid anything back (and even then it’s been about £50 a month on a £5K loan as and when they feel like it).

I also bought my Mum a flat and renovated it. I’ve paid for her holidays (including spends) with her friends and given her other big lump sums.

On birthdays if we went out for family meals I’d always be expected to pick up the bill (and my family is HUGE).

I started to resent it because I’d never hear from them unless they wanted something. I went through a really traumatic event a couple of years back and none of them were there for me. It gave me the kick I needed to start saying no.

I am financially better off than my sibling, but I must admit I do get annoyed when they claim about money as similar to a PP, they have made decisions about career and where to live that meant financial hardship was not only foreseeable, its basically a given. They think having a career that fulfils them is more important, which is great, but then... maybe dont complain about money...

Yes but it hasn’t always been this way. My parents helped me out when I was pursuing a trainee position that didn’t pay much. I was so grateful - they made the job I do now, possible.

These days my dad doesn’t have much so I help him out with utility bills or other unexpected expenses. He would never ask but as I help manage his finances, I know when things are a bit lean. My sibling earns a good wage but has a lot of commitments so I tend to buy things for their kids or treat them to meals etc.

I was raised with the idea that our money isn’t ‘ours’ but ‘ours to steward’ so I think it’s great to look out for others wherever you can. My life is better because of it.

I earn way more than pretty much all my family and friends. They mainly earn c50k and I earn 4 times that amount.

None of them have any idea though as I save huge sums in pensions and other investments with a view to retiring as early as possible.

My parents are retired and did earn well although were beneficiaries of the housing market meaning asset wise they are miles ahead of where they would be today if they had the same careers a generation later.

I don’t help any of the family financially but also haven’t received a penny of support myself. We are all very much self sufficient.

You don’t have to feel responsible for them.

my son has chosen a career that will never earn a lot of money.

he lives in a Buddhist community where they eat vegan, try to reduce their environmental impact on the world and are not generally interested in becoming rich.

he’s not interested in earning lots of money in an “adult” job, but I don’t feel that I need to support him by giving him money. He has chosen his path, he might change but either way it is his path.

you don’t have to support your parents or your sister. Those are your choices.

We are better off than all our siblings. We earn more than our parents did but they both benefitted from final salary pensions and London/SE property prices skyrocketing so they’re very comfortable.

I buy nephews and nieces nice gifts but our siblings made choices and I don’t think it’s on us to subsidise those choices. Maybe if it was illness or similar I’d feel differently but this is choosing unstable careers that are notoriously badly paid, having lots of children, whacking fancy holidays on credit cards etc.

We are far better off than all our siblings.

I am from a poor but hardworking background. I’m the only one who did very well educationally and also the only one who went to University. I also met DH when working at the same University I studied at so ended up marrying another professional with a better job.

They are really my half siblings not that it makes any difference to me. My Husband always says I just had better genetic material. He is a scientist and there were six of us, he calls my siblings an experiment as such a lot of data.

I helped them out financially in the past. Three of them always rented and had quite insecure housing. One was very resentful of me and took the piss out of my home and was awful when she found out I had a cleaner. The rest have always said they were very proud of me.

DH sister is just very bad with money and cannot be compared to my siblings, I have zero sympathy for her.

I have made an effort to not always tell them what I have been doing.

I do get a bit fed up of them telling me I'm "so lucky". Well no, it wasn't luck. I studied and worked hard. They made their own choices. None of them have any kind of disability or restriction on what they could have done.

I don't really talk about money with them, so they don't know all the ins and outs of my finances. Decades ago, I was a poor single parent having left my abusive partner. At the time my mum got a 250k inheritance. She didn't give me a penny, in fact she lied about it and I only found out by chance. I'm not saying I expected her to give me thousands, but even £1000 would have made a huge difference to me, and would have just been a tiny portion of what she got. I didn't say anything. But I never forgot. Now the tables have turned and she has nothing. Tough! Zero guilt on my part. She's never been there for me in any way so I'm not helping her in any way now.

I'm generous with the people I care about. Those who actually care about me. But I feel no obligation to help anyone else regardless of them being "family".

For years my misogynist now no contact father who’s a financial disaster zone with money told me how lucky I was to be washing lots of money and living in a nice mortgaged home.

he on the other hand lost everything he had at 42 and we went into rented accommodation. However when I worked solidly for 10 years whilst not having kids to get up the career ladder and into a 6 figure job by 36 I was “lucky” even “lucky considering you’re a woman”.

Thats why I’m no contact with him now

We’ve never been asked to lend anyone money thankfully but we are sort of expected to pick up the tab when out, host (and pay for) any gatherings etc. I mostly don’t mind but there are a couple of CFs in DHs wider family who come to everything empty handed and eat/drink way more than anyone else!
We paid for private carers for FIL until he passed away and we supplement MIL if needed but she’s very careful with money so that’s a rare occurrence.
I don’t resent a penny that was spent on care, nor helping out MIL - FIL made some bad investments 20 years ago and they never really recovered financially.
I do resent the CFs who expect us to pay every time!

One sibling is worse off, only marginally, due to lifestyle choices they’ve made but spends more on day to day things, particularly what they buy for their children. My children used to get frustrated their cousins for more things bought for them but now they’re older they’re starting to see we tend to have experiences with our money, bought a house sooner etc

Other sibling earns a lot more than me and I try not to feel jealous . They work hard for it but I do think about how much more their children will have than mine.

This is us and I feel a bit like that too
The extended stays at our house have gone from 3/4 days to 9/10, with us expected not only to pay for all the food/outings but also taxis, lifts, cooking/cleaning and shopping. It gets a bit silly.
Unfortunately I have tried to push back but it's so ingrained now that there isn't a way to push back without sounding "mean", "ungenerous" and creating "a thing".

I think even if you try not to let it, the difference in earnings/financial situations do have an impact. We recognise we are very lucky to live in the South East, in a nice house with good jobs etc., but we have worked hard to get there - neither of us received any financial help from parents, while on both sides siblings have been the beneficiaries of parents' generosity (extreme in a couple of cases) - which does cause some animosity and the unhelpful comparisons of how we were/are treated versus our siblings.

My biggest issue is the expectation that we will provide all food/drink etc., when people come to stay, and the unsaid expectation that we will offer to pay for the larger portion of a food bill, just by virtue of where we live etc., I'm not disputing that we have a good life, and that we are fortunate in that we can manage even unexpected expenses, but it's the disparity in treatment between ourselves and our siblings that really grinds the gears - an example would be one set of parents recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary; we bought champagne and some new flutes - not a huge expense; the other sibling and family gave them a card, even though we know full well they could afford to be more generous than that.

Well, this week on Wed I have been dismissed from my job, a redundancy of sorts. My era of bank-rolling adults is over. Let’s see how we all come back from this. Sorry if I sound bitter, I have been treated appallingly by new management after 9 years of impeccable service.