Page 3 | Siblings - do you get on with yours?

HowDairy · 2025-08-13T17:22:31+00:00

And do your DCs get on with theirs?

TulipsTwoLips · 14/08/2025 07:37

No. Just too different so quite indifferent really. MIL would rave about how her 4 children had the best childhood by all having each other but interestingly they have each chosen to have one or no children themselves.

Original poster

HowDairy · 16/08/2025 12:20

My closest sibling and I are planning a summer together (we both work in education) with our DCs so that will test the waters a bit 😆

OP posts:

No3392 · 16/08/2025 12:22

Incredibly close to my brothers and one of my sisters. I spend most of my free time with my brothers. See each other a few times a week, they are my best friends!

The other sister is a horrible woman, and none of us have anything to do with her.

LonelyMom123 · 16/08/2025 12:56

No. I make the effort with my younger sister but don't get much back and I feel she looks down on me.

I have 3 DC. The younger two are close and adore their oldest sibling but she is a young adult and they are tweens who she seems to find annoying. They love each other and I hope they stay close as they get older.

BlueEyedBogWitch · 16/08/2025 13:05

NC with two of them and LC with one.

I feel free of a very damaging dynamic.

Ishouldgodostuff · 17/08/2025 02:48

I'm the eldest of 3, my sibs are one of each & there is about 5 years between us. So we had quite different stages growing up, I was a teenager when my brother was just a toddler for example. But I dont remember being especially close while we were all at home, & I was frequently told off for not being responsible & setting a good example to the younger ones. Sadly, we're not close now we're all 50+ & have very differing family & income situations - our Mother is the glue though sharing news between us. Which reminds me of a story I saw on IG the other day (could well be fiction but it hit a note with me)

Sometimes parents aren’t just family — they’re the glue. As long as they’re alive, everyone plays nice. They show up for birthdays, write “thanks” in the group chat, and smile at the table. But that’s not closeness. That’s a peace treaty signed for their sake.

When the parents are gone, the centre disappears. And what’s left is raw connection — or lack of it. There might be no conflict, but often there’s decades of quiet pain. One was the favourite. The other was “independent”. One got gifts. The other got speeches. One could fail. The other had to be perfect.
Many parents unknowingly pit siblings against each other. They divide attention unevenly. Compare. Label. “She’s our golden girl, you’re the rebel.” “You’re the man, help your sister.” Then they ask: “Why don’t you talk now that you’re grown?” Because they turned love into a ranking system. And when the “head judge” dies — no one wants to play that game again.
A lot of people keep talking to their siblings out of duty, not desire. “Because we’re family.” But when the parents pass, the mask falls off. There’s no more pretending. What surfaces is the truth: distance, distrust, different values — and sometimes, complete indifference. Or even hate.
And yes — stepping away from a sibling is not betrayal. It can be healing. It can be your way to finally choose yourself over forced connection. Family isn’t blood. It’s closeness. And if there’s none, you don’t owe anyone pain in the name of tradition.

You’re not a bad person. You’re just done living someone else’s script where your only role was to keep the peace.

BitOutOfPractice · 17/08/2025 02:55

Yes. I have one sister and we Have always hit on and still do now.

I have two DDs and they are very close. My sister’s two DDs are also close as are the four cousins.

I feel very lucky to have all that. It’s one of the joys of my life.

BlueEyedBogWitch · 17/08/2025 03:10

Ishouldgodostuff · 17/08/2025 02:48

I'm the eldest of 3, my sibs are one of each & there is about 5 years between us. So we had quite different stages growing up, I was a teenager when my brother was just a toddler for example. But I dont remember being especially close while we were all at home, & I was frequently told off for not being responsible & setting a good example to the younger ones. Sadly, we're not close now we're all 50+ & have very differing family & income situations - our Mother is the glue though sharing news between us. Which reminds me of a story I saw on IG the other day (could well be fiction but it hit a note with me)

Sometimes parents aren’t just family — they’re the glue. As long as they’re alive, everyone plays nice. They show up for birthdays, write “thanks” in the group chat, and smile at the table. But that’s not closeness. That’s a peace treaty signed for their sake.

When the parents are gone, the centre disappears. And what’s left is raw connection — or lack of it. There might be no conflict, but often there’s decades of quiet pain. One was the favourite. The other was “independent”. One got gifts. The other got speeches. One could fail. The other had to be perfect.
Many parents unknowingly pit siblings against each other. They divide attention unevenly. Compare. Label. “She’s our golden girl, you’re the rebel.” “You’re the man, help your sister.” Then they ask: “Why don’t you talk now that you’re grown?” Because they turned love into a ranking system. And when the “head judge” dies — no one wants to play that game again.
A lot of people keep talking to their siblings out of duty, not desire. “Because we’re family.” But when the parents pass, the mask falls off. There’s no more pretending. What surfaces is the truth: distance, distrust, different values — and sometimes, complete indifference. Or even hate.
And yes — stepping away from a sibling is not betrayal. It can be healing. It can be your way to finally choose yourself over forced connection. Family isn’t blood. It’s closeness. And if there’s none, you don’t owe anyone pain in the name of tradition.

You’re not a bad person. You’re just done living someone else’s script where your only role was to keep the peace.

Thank you for posting this. It has helped more than you could ever know.

thornbury · 17/08/2025 03:22

I have one older sister. We get on just fine but have not lived anywhere near each other in the last 40 years and have little in common.

Zippedydodah · 17/08/2025 06:06

Two siblings. One I’m NC with because of her horrific behaviour when our parents were dying, the other I rarely hear from nowadays because her life is very different from mine.
My DCs have not seen their cousins for many years, never had anything in common with them except being blood related.

PermanentTemporary · 17/08/2025 06:20

I have a sister and a brother. We all seem very different. I love them both but they are complicated people. They don’t get on brilliantly with each other and as I’m the youngest by a long way there have been currents and issues all my life that I haven’t ever quite understood. This is a thing about being the youngest that imo doesn’t get acknowledged- people say how spoiled the youngest is, but not that you are always trying to fit in with others without being at a stage of development to cope with it. I certainly felt bullied at times by my siblings. That isn’t the reason I have an only, but it may be a factor.

I have found now in my late 50s that as the older generation become too frail to communicate or as they die, there is a sense of peace I hadn’t anticipated. I have a really big extended family of aunts, uncles and in-laws, and felt every one of them as an obligation I was failing, or a source of criticism. The sense now that I’m not failing as many people in life simply by existing slightly wrong is very nice.

Pricelessadvice · 17/08/2025 07:03

I used to get on with my sibling. No real fighting or anything growing up. Unfortunately he settled down with a woman who, for some reason, dislikes me. She is quite a different person to me (serious and quite rude etc whereas we are a very jokey, open hearted family) and as a result, mine and my brothers relationship has drifted. He has said some quite awful things about me. I called him out on it a couple of years ago and he did apologise and he genuinely felt bad about it I think, but the damage is done. I am unconventional in that I’ve not settled down or had kids, but I work full time and enjoy the life I’ve built.
I try to speak to her (even to say hello, how are you etc) and she either ignores me or gives me one word answers.
I don’t know what I’ve done, other than that I’m just quite different to her. But my relationship with my brother has been damaged as a a result and I don’t think it will ever be fixed. Sad really.

If it wasn’t for my niece, who I want a relationship with, I’d have nothing to do with them.

BlueEyedBogWitch · 17/08/2025 07:09

PermanentTemporary · 17/08/2025 06:20

I have a sister and a brother. We all seem very different. I love them both but they are complicated people. They don’t get on brilliantly with each other and as I’m the youngest by a long way there have been currents and issues all my life that I haven’t ever quite understood. This is a thing about being the youngest that imo doesn’t get acknowledged- people say how spoiled the youngest is, but not that you are always trying to fit in with others without being at a stage of development to cope with it. I certainly felt bullied at times by my siblings. That isn’t the reason I have an only, but it may be a factor.

I have found now in my late 50s that as the older generation become too frail to communicate or as they die, there is a sense of peace I hadn’t anticipated. I have a really big extended family of aunts, uncles and in-laws, and felt every one of them as an obligation I was failing, or a source of criticism. The sense now that I’m not failing as many people in life simply by existing slightly wrong is very nice.

Again, thank you. I needed to read this, too.

This thread has come at just the right time for me.

user1476613140 · 17/08/2025 07:23

Since last July my brother is not speaking to me, we still don't know what's happened....I am here if he ever needs me though.

Sheknowsaboutme · 17/08/2025 08:15

no. Nothing happened between us. But he moved away 30 yrs ago at 16.

he visits dad every now and then and no one thinks of telling me. I only see on strava that hes done a local walk etc days after he’s been.

no loss really. He’s the one who comes to my area and says nothing. If he doesn’t want to see me, well hey ho!

Lovelynames123 · 17/08/2025 08:33

My dsis is one of my best friends, we're both single parents with dc very close in age so do a lot together, including holidays. We did argue as kids but got close when I moved home after uni

My dds can be best friends or mortal enemies but they're young teens, I think they'll be close when they're older

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 17/08/2025 09:01

1 of 3, not close but get on when we see each other

Bumblenums · 17/08/2025 09:14

1 brother- ok as kids as my dad was an arsehole and we used to cover for each other. Not really now, he's gone completely far right wing and now can't have a discussion without voicing his political views. I'm trying to foster the idea with my kids that a supportive sibling when adults is a positive thing! If one of them was in trouble I would hope the other one would help. My brother wouldn't.

theresbeautyinwindysun · 17/08/2025 09:16

My sister is my favourite person apart from my kids. I feel very lucky to have her and we’d like to live together when we’re old!

TheeNotoriousPIG · 17/08/2025 10:32

No, but my sibling and I are very different people. We have three things in common: the same parents, our eye colour and our love of 80's music. After that, we are generally opposites! Imagine the coolest kid in a school year living with the deeply un-cool one, and you get the picture of our childhood relationship!

We got on better after my sibling moved out. We don't talk or message each other, apart from polite annual messages to say happy birthday and merry Christmas. We don't see each other apart from at occasional family events. If we weren't related, we wouldn't care to know each other, as we have very different lifestyles and interests. We only hear of what the other sibling has been up to from our mother, who obviously keeps in touch with us both, and sees us separately.

Our mother frequently wishes that we were closer, but that ship has long since sailed.

I have had friends over the years who were very close with their siblings, and are in daily contact as adults. I often wonder how they forged such a close bond.

I hope that, if I'm lucky enough to have children, they might be close with their sibling(s). I'm unsure as to whether they would be permitted to infect their cousins with any perceived genetic weirdness of mine 😁

Original poster

HowDairy · 18/08/2025 06:45

theresbeautyinwindysun · 17/08/2025 09:16

My sister is my favourite person apart from my kids. I feel very lucky to have her and we’d like to live together when we’re old!

Goodness me @theresbeautyinwindysun are you actually my sister??
She said the exact thing (the bit about living together when we're old) to me just last week 😳

OP posts:

ForFunGoose · 18/08/2025 07:08

One of 6 and increasingly I find them all hard work.Wouldn’t spend time with them if we weren’t related.
My adult kids get on well.

fthisfthatfeverything · 18/08/2025 07:16

Used To until now

boredwfh · 18/08/2025 07:19

My brother and I only talk if we see my mum. No bad blood but also nothing in common & not someone we would regularly meet up with on our own. He lives down south a couple hours away at least.

xSideshowAuntSallyXx · 18/08/2025 07:23

Yes, everyone comments on how nice it is to see siblings get on so well. Even when people marry into the family they say how nice it is, and they're welcomed into the family with open arms.

My Dad has a good relationship with his siblings and cousins (who are like extra siblings to them), my Mum has a good one with her brother but finds her sister a little harder.

We're lucky that we're a close family, which has come down through the generations, my grandmother was an identical twin, and they were really close.