If one of your children was a fussy eater and is now grown up…..

[PenelopeSkye]

…or indeed, if you were a fussy eater as a child, would you be able to share how things panned out? Was there anything that helped or didn’t help?

I have been struggling for about 5 years now with DD, who is now 8. Sometimes I think- just stick with the no pressure, offering different things etc and she’ll get there- but at other times I think- she is missing out on so much good nutrition, I need to do more! But then, I really don’t know what, as if I did I do it!! She has 2 younger siblings who eat a good variety of food, and as a family we eat healthily overall (with treats thrown in), and I don’t make a big deal of her eating. But she’s just dropped another ‘safe’ food and I’m wondering if I should maybe seek some professional help. Any thoughts much appreciated!

I was and ds3 was.No sensory problems. I was just a bit...overindulged. Ds was just fussy. The phrase "too spicy" is still used to work him. I got out of it when I realised food could be fun and learned to cook my own meals. Ds similar. Moved away, big city, came home eating everything. Except fish.

I was really fussy as a child.
Particularly didn’t like vegetables and ate a very plain meat and potatoes diet (1970s childhood). But couldn’t/wouldn’t eat mince, for example, if there was a chance of encountering a pea. I must have been very annoying.

I was a the last child in my family and I think my mother was just completely over parenting by that point and didn’t bother pushing me to eat anything I didn’t like.

Where I grew up didn’t have school dinners, which might have expanded my palate but I suspect I would have found a bit stressful. I ate white bread sandwiches for school lunch every single school day of my life, primary and secondary. Can’t have been healthy.

I ended up liking nearly everything, including vegetables, by the time I got to young adulthood.

I was very fussy - I had lots of sensory issues with food textures and foods touching other things. I had a very limited diet. My mum didn’t really encourage me to try new things so I took a while to improve. I’m still a bit fussy now- things that are too spicy are a no no and also mushrooms and some other veg. But I’m so much better. I can eat in any restaurant and I eat a healthy diet.

DS is very similar to me but better than I was as a child as I have tried to expand his palate. I always ask him to try something and if he doesn’t like it then it’s ok. He gradually got braver at trying new things and now at 13 is much better than he was although still fussy. I’m hoping he will gradually continue to improve. He does love peas and carrots and pasta in tomato sauce and fajitas so I can get veggies down him ok.

it’s definitely tricky. As a child I absolutely would have gone hungry over eating something that stressed me out but gradually realising that trying things was actually not that scary led me to gradually improve what I could eat

When I was at primary school I literally had a plate of gravy for lunch. I was very picky and very underweight. Hated fish, chicken, pizza, anything grilled, or baked, or dry, or spicy.

Moved out at 18 and something changed for me. I am the least picky person now. I will try anything and enjoy almost everything I've tried.

My husband (now 70, super fit, slim, active and the picture of health) was apparently a fussy eater as a child and remembers eating nothing much but tomato soup and chips at one point. I have no idea how his parents dealt with it but by the time I met him 45 years ago he ate most things.

Our son (now early 30s and also super healthy) ate anything when first weaned but then became extremely picky, possibly because he had recurrent chest infections and blocked ears, so I have a hunch that swallowing might have been painful or uncomfortable for a bit. He was a late talker for the same reason (deafness until his eustachian tubes finally cleared at about 3) so couldn't explain what was going on. We took the approach that we could see he was eating a wide enough range of foods (just) to be getting everything he needed. He was growing and doing very well in every way. So we just made sure he had what he was comfortable with and other stuff was available if he ever wanted to try anything. Eventually, possibly because of peer pressure in his teens, he did start eating a wider range of foods, and when he came back from his first year of university he mentioned that he now loved calamari and could we have it? I nearly fell over! Eats just about anything now.

I had cousins (also male) who were also very picky back in the 1960s and 70s when we were growing up. They're still with us (in their early 60s now) so obviously coping in some way. I don't see them often enough to know how wide their dietary choices are these days.

Depends on professional help
what does she eat?

our eldest was fussy, he had allergies and broke out in hives so a big chunk of food was no go anyway

but he did eat all meat, carbs, cheese, fish, crunchy fruit and veg

so we worked with what he would eat and went from there

so crunchy salad veg
which turned into steamed roast dinner veg

he started to eat mushy peas from chip shop, so we had pushy peas in a tin, then marrow fat peas, then peas
then sweetcorn

I used to starve him towards dinner time - he was hungry when he sat down
no puddings or treats unless he tried something new

now he eats a balanced diet full of spices and new things
he cooks
still fussier than brother

patience - it took years

My younger sister was incredibly fussy. She only really liked chips and salad cream, and having failed to eat whatever it was, she once went and ate the bread that had been put out for the birds!

She’s long grown up, retired even, but still loathes anything fatty, and can’t bear butter, milk or cream. We have to specify in restaurants that any fish (her usual choice) must not be fried in butter, and there must be none on any veg.

Her diet now is very healthy, though, a lot of fish, some very lean meat, and a lot of vegetables and salads.

One thing she really likes, when visiting from the US, is proper new potatoes (the likes of Jersey Royals) - with salad cream!

I was also a fussy child. I ate a lot of tinned soup as I felt okay eating that.
I didn’t like any veg, I liked very plain food. Didn’t like pizza or beans or anything mushy.

As an adult I eat most things, apart from things I just don’t like. Someone making me eat a new food did not make me get over it or like those foods. In fact everything I was made to eat (liver!) I wouldn’t touch now. For me it was cooking for myself that got me interested.
DH would say he wasn’t a fussy child but they ate basically the same meal most nights anyway, when we first lived together he complained about everything!
unfortunately I have an autistic child with a limited diet, she’s trying now she’s older but it’s hard. I do offer and cook things (and throw them out), it gets slightly better each year. Slow going though.

I was an incredibly fussy eater until my teens, when the teenage fear of standing out was more important than the food I didn’t eat.
Looking back, I used to wish I could just eat any food I wanted to, but for reasons I still don’t understand, I couldn’t.
pretty much all I ate was ham and mashed potato and marmite on toast for years.
Im in my 60s now and eat anything (except baked beans which make me gag).

DS was always very picky as a child.
He would go through phases of only eating baked beans, or only eating chips.

Now he's an adult with ARFID and an autism diagnosis. He only eats Huel and still likes chips! He also eats vegan burgers. That's it.

He's very healthy and has a full-time job.

I was a fussy eater, I still am to a certain extent, but I’m much better than I was, when it was easier to list what I would eat. Creamy/fatty/mashed things and eggs are still a no and I’ve got a strong gag reflex, so it’s hard to force things down, I can’t eat some things to be polite as I just gag. I started eating more when I wasn’t hungry or forced into it and tried new things.

One DC eats most things, the other is like me, but I think because we’ve never forced it, and said you need to try but it’s okay not to like it, she is getting better and expanding her repertoire. But we’ve always said there’s a difference between genuinely not liking something and just not fancying it. There was something the other week, she suddenly decided she didn’t like it, but was told tough, eat it or get yourself some cereal, she ate it! I involve whole family or at least ask if anyone has suggestions for meals when meal planning and if there’s radio silence then apart from catering from known likes and dislikes - tough, as I’m not running a restaurant! And they get reminded of this if they whinge about food.

But both DC cook a meal a week from scratch in the holidays, they choose what to cook and get on with it. Youngest needs supervision but oldest is now very capable.

My DS (with Asd) would only eat sausage and mash until he was 5. I got him one of those reward trail plates and it completely changed him.

Yes, my DS would only eat very, very plain food. Nightmare to wean as a baby. No sauces, no spices, loved beige food.

All changed when he got to 14 and found sport and fitness. Eats anything now.

@PenelopeSkye Hi OP, can I ask you a favour please?

Could I ask you to please stop calling it 'fussy' eating. There is a condition called ARFID, so maybe see if you could find some information on it.This isn't being fussy, it is a genuine eating disorder and is almost always caused by sensory issues, including taste and smell as well as the texture of food, and can actually be quite extreme - and incredibly challenging even for professionals to deal with.

Speaking for myself here, and also one of my dc who, at the ripe old age of 27, has just begun to eat small quantities of spaghetti bolognese. She still can't manage carbonara or pasta with cheese sauces, but she is getting there.

By the way - all those smart alec people (who are fortunate enough to have kids who eat anything) will often tell you "they'll eat it when they are hungry enough". Children with an eating disorder won't 'eat when they are hungry enough'. They would rather starve.

DD was really fussy ever since weaning - evening going from bf to a bottle was a big trauma.
When she was a toddler she seemed to exist on porridge, bread sticks and petite filous.

She has improved. she's 19 now and eats more variety but is still fussy, especially with textures and doesn't like food touching on her plate. I still sometimes blend pasta sauces that I make because she prefers them like that.
She has started to tolerate some spices though, and now eats a slightly wider variety of fruit and veg rather than a mostly beige diet! It's slow progress!

I could have written this about myself. My mum often says now that she can’t believe how I eat now compared with when I was a child.

I was an extremely fussy eater as a very small child. Nothing helped, I don't think - I just grew out of it.

But some kids ARE just fussy and do grow out of it! Not every kid who has strong food preferences as a child has arfid. Most will get over it, kids (and lots of adults) like sameness and routine. For some it’s part of a wider ND picture but for most it’s not.

Dd was very fussy from age around 2. It was exasperating trying to get food in her. It took years. I think school dinners helped. She was so hungry she tried more. We didn't force it, just offered more and more variety. At 20 she eats everything. I think she does have some sensory issues as it wasn't just food. It was clothes and certain noises as well.

Dd1 was a fussy eater. She's now 21, diagnosed ADHD though I suspect she's actually autistic.

When she was weaning she was very adventurous, about aged 2 suddenly got very restrictive in what she would eat.

I took a thirds approach. Approx a third of the time I'd make food we could all eat that she was happy with, a third of the time food we could adapt (eg I could take her portion out before the sauces etc) and the other third I'd make stuff I knew she wouldn't eat but would offer alternatives (eg bread and butter, fruit and yoghurt).

She's now cooking for herself at Uni. She's much better than she was but is still restrictive. She recognises this in herself and adopts a mix of pushing herself on occasion but also accepts there may be days when she has to eat plain rice while the rest of us go to a new restaurant.

I'm happy with the outcome. I would never fuss or cajole, just accept if she didn't want to eat something and offer a reasonably plain but healthy, low effort alternative instead.

For a while I didn't eat much more than pizza and chicken tikka masala when it came to dinners!
If my parents got a chinese, I'd have egg fried rice and chips 🙈. I liked a decent amount of fruits but veg/salad wise it was just cucumber and tomato.

Now, I think I'm ok. Peppers, peas and mushrooms are still things I can't make myself eat, which can limit my choices a bit going out, but there is always something.

Not my DC but my half brother who is 14 years younger than me. He’d not eat a single vegetable. Wouldn’t eat anything with even finely diced onions in it. Since he went to uni and had to fend for himself he gradually grew out of it and now at nearly 30 he eats pretty much anything!
My own dc go through phases of being adventurous then being really picky to the point of only wanting to eat one thing for weeks on end. Usually opposite to each other too so one will eat anything while the other won’t then vice versa. Does my head in.

I was a fussy eater as a child.

as a teen I was diagnosed with IBS and as an adult I worked out it was dairy intolerance.

you don’t feel like eating when your bowels are cramping and you’ve got horrible gas.

Mum was a fussy child and adult, my brother was a fussy child but ok as an adult, me fussy both, son fussy child not as an adult, daughter not fussy child but is as an adult, son not fussy either, daughter not fussy either.

I was, and still am fussy. I don’t like things touching on my plate, won’t eat anything fatty or greasy, I like pasta but not any creamy sauce because it literally makes me gag, I’ll handpick my chips to decide which ones are worthy of making it to my plate - absolutely none with black bits on them or crispy ends, honestly I could go on and on.

I probably ate better as a child than I do now, I play it safe with tried and tested foods and won’t try anything new. My grandmother always said I eat with my eyes because if something doesn’t look good I’ll say I don’t like it without even trying it, I’m aware I’m very hard work when it comes to eating 😂