If one of your children was a fussy eater and is now grown up…..

[PenelopeSkye]

…or indeed, if you were a fussy eater as a child, would you be able to share how things panned out? Was there anything that helped or didn’t help?

I have been struggling for about 5 years now with DD, who is now 8. Sometimes I think- just stick with the no pressure, offering different things etc and she’ll get there- but at other times I think- she is missing out on so much good nutrition, I need to do more! But then, I really don’t know what, as if I did I do it!! She has 2 younger siblings who eat a good variety of food, and as a family we eat healthily overall (with treats thrown in), and I don’t make a big deal of her eating. But she’s just dropped another ‘safe’ food and I’m wondering if I should maybe seek some professional help. Any thoughts much appreciated!

I was so fussy, no pasta, rice or chips, no beans or veg. Actually only veg I would was 'fat' peas. Very bland, just smooth mash and meat but no fish and nothing could touch. Only fruit was banana. Now I eat everything, salads, all veg, sauces, etc. still not fussed on fruit but I'm better with it. I only hate mushrooms because of texture and if there's anything I won't eat it's because it's weird texture

My sister was a terribly fussy eater as a child. Wouldn’t even try most foods. She’s now 25 and the only thing she won’t eat is Marmite. Can’t blame her

@Yellowstonemaddnesa personally I feel that is a recipe for disaster. Trading eating food for other outcomes.

If I had my time again, I would totally de-emotionalise food.

“Here is today’s lunch/ dinner, if you don’t want it, that’s ok, there is dry cereal or dry bread.”

That’s it. No need for kid to go hungry but no turning food into a bargaining chip.

Now just a couple of texture-based aversions, but is generally easy to feed and enjoys eating out. Going to uni was the start of the change I think. Obviously my fabulous cooking played a part :) but I think he decided to overcome it.

When we got together there was only one dish he ever ate in restaurants. The transformation has been amazing to watch tbh. He's never gone off his favourite dish, which he ate twice a day for most of his first 18 years.

We're raising 2 autistic children who are fairly unfussy eaters. Of course luck plays a big part but I do think his insight helped us to do the best we could for them around food.

@TheeNotoriousPIG that's sounds worrying does the other parent realise this ?

Pushing restricted eating patterns onto a child doesn't sound normal at all. Can you do somethjng

@Testerical it works

It's not at every meal because she has a small rota of stuff she does like.

I try and keep the door open.

We also try and do more variety within a meal

Also she would go hungry and would not eat and would not feel hungry because appettie so small

This is all very encouraging. My otherwise very well-adjusted 15 year old has about ten foodstuffs she'll eat, and I've always hoped she'd get over it on her own at some point as I never wanted to make mealtimes a battleground, but she's taking her sweet time about it. This thread gives me hope that once she leaves home and is responsible for her own diet she'll become more adventurous.

DS1 was fairly fussy but not necessarily with a very restricted range, more that he'd eat no mixed food, sauces or anything 'hiding' - if he could see exactly what was on his plate eg: a chicken breast, potatoes, carrots, with no gravy he'd eat it, but chicken and carrot in a pie topped with mash - no chance. He always had a thing about 'bitty' or 'grainy' food and that's the only thing that has really remained as an adult, he still won't touch mince or eat a doughnut/cake with sugar or sprinkles on top. Loves a pie these days and makes the best gravy out of all of us!

I also think it’s so important to teach the social norms of eating with others, even if you are a selective eater.

So:

• it’s ok to not eat out with other people if that makes you uncomfortable
• its totally ok to not share dishes if you don’t like sharing
• but also…
• if you don’t want something served to the table, ok, just don’t eat it, don’t make a hoo haa.
• never, ever complain about food someone else has prepared especially for you, because that is very rude and ungrateful. You don’t have to eat it - make an excuse like being full, not feeling well, etc.
• don’t expect a large group to pick a restaurant venue catering to your food aversions. There is ALWAYS something you can eat, unless you have serious medical issues.

My DH was extremely fussy as a child and in his 20s was diagnosed with crohns. He thinks the fussy eating was because subconsciously his body realised food was triggering bloating and muscle pain and all the rest of it.

My DD was on 90% milk until 2.5 years old and had a full blown feeding aversion. She has multiple food allergies and apparently food aversion is common for children like her.

My dd was awful, she lived on chicken nuggets, chips, plain pasta, all beige food etc! Then fast forward to leaving for Uni, I wondered how she would cope! She came home to visit about 2 months later, we met in local town and planned to go for lunch. She asked if we could go for sushi! I nearly fell over in shock!

Very fussy as a child, I lived entirely on fruit and yoghurt for the first few years. When I got to about 13 I just cooked myself pasta and tomato sauce, every single night. Carried on until my mid-30s, then fell ill and became interested in diet. I actually wasn't super-unhealthy at this point as I usually cooked plain meat, potato and veg every night, and had cottage cheese or a cheese roll for dinner. But I'd never really eat out of the house, and if I was forced into a restaurant I could only have chips, or a plain jacket potato, or plain pasta with tomato sauce - with assurances there was definitely no spice of any description, even pepper. But once I fell ill and was trying to heal myself, I started introducing super healthy things like salmon, or salad. Took a lot of nervous nibbling, but now I eat a huge range of food. Still not great with spice, but am experimenting with cajun and harissa. Think the key change for me was firstly wanting to get better, and then being by myself to explore my new foodstuff in private. I still really don't want to try new things in public, or while someone watches, I very much like being able to move at my own pace. And reject it without feeling rude, or wasteful.

I would definitely try insofar as possible to make sure you don't create a combative environment around food, which it sounds like you are doing. Maybe don't make much comment if she tries something new, or not. Let her move at her own pace, and don't watch her. But I really wouldn't worry too much, even if she remains a fusspot, she'll be fine. My aunt is way worse than me; the only vegetables she eats are peas, and she won't eat a sandwich if there's any salad at all on the plate. She lives on cheese and tomato or bacon sandwiches, roast meat and potatoes, pukka pies and cake. She's 70, in extremely good health, and still marching up and down hills like a nipper. I think we maybe sometimes worry more than we need to about nutrition. (Though I certainly would not recommend her diet!)

I would seek professional help as it does sound like it’s more than simply picky eating.

My daughter was a picky eater, but at 16 she now eats most stuff. I was a picky eater, which I’ve discovered as an adult is actually more than just being fussy. My mum made a huge deal out of it and set me up with some major food issues I’ve struggled to shift.

My sister was a VERY fussy eater as a child. She had a really limited diet. But some the things on the list she’d eat were healthy.

As an adult, she’s still fussy, to be honest. She isn’t an adventurous eater and if I cook and accidentally put something in it she doesn’t like (long list including some very basic (to me) ingredients like garlic) she won’t even touch it. She does eat a lot more than she did as a child though.

But she’s very healthy! And has a great life full of travel etc (something fussy eaters might traditionally struggle with).

DD1 was fussy from the beginning until she moved out at 18. She had an entirely beige diet for years and I never made an issue of it although I did offer whatever everyone else was having at almost every meal. At 17 she started trying ready meals which included veg, then when she moved away I gave her a leaving present of a cookery book. She surprised me by making the different recipes and will now eat all kinds of meat and vegetables.

Mine was increasingly fussy until she was eight then her tastes became broader and broader and there is absolutely nothing fussy about her now

I was fussy as a child but am now so much better and do eat a wide variety of food. There are some stand out food from my childhood that remind me of misserable meal times being made to eat food I can’t stomach: I remember sitting at the table heaving due to the taste or texture of something.

fast forward to now - I am so much better

Both of mine were fussy - both on the spectrum so didn't push them to try things they didn't want to, but offered them what we were having and if they didn't want it then gave them something plain that I knew they would eat.

Now they eat most things - apart from DS won't eat carrots.

Really appreciate all these replies, and it’s good to know many people do seem to improve a lot. Regarding the term ‘fussy eater’- I’d never actually thought about this, I can see the point you’re making though, almost like they’re being deliberately awkward when that’s not the case.

I was a fussy eater all my childhood but I like most things now. However, things I don’t like I can’t just “force down” like some people seem to be able to do. I would just wretch.
As a child I wasn’t given alternatives to what was on offer, but neither was I made to sit there until I’d eaten it (would probably still be sat there now!) 🤣

I was. Am much better now! What helped was when I left home and the focus was no longer on me. I was pressured to "just try" whatever it was, all the time. I wasn't not eating it to be awkward, I couldn't eat it!

When I could cook my own meals and prep my ingredients how I wanted, go out with friends and choose what I wanted without it being a big deal then I was inclined to try more!

Food isn't a battle ground in our house, there's always an alternative available if the main meal is inedible for any reason, and if anyone wants to try something new that's up to them, it's not a focus for the rest of us.

I was very fussy and really anything with sauces, mushroom or onion. The latter in particular was so absolutely repellent to my tastebuds. In my late 20s it suddenly stopped tasting so awful and now I can barely taste it in dishes (although I’d still never eat raw onion or onion rings).

Aside from onion, what helped my fussiness quite a lot was going on holiday to a country where the food was not named or labelled, and where refusal would be considered rude. I just had to get on and eat it. There was only one thing that I physically couldn’t eat.

I’ve gone from being lucky to have 1 thing on the menu when I eat out to often having 5 or 6 choices. It’s great!

I was a “fussy eater” as a child. Even as a baby, apparently, and still as a teenager! I’m not as an adult. But I am a natural vegetarian. I will eat ANYTHING that doesn’t include meat, and prefer Mediterranean, Middle Eastern and Indian cuisines… wasn’t as much of that around when I was growing up as there is now. Nor vegetarians for that matter!

My DD eats anything we give her, but she is only 9 months old, and baby led weaning is quite different from the pots of purée I was weaned on.

Eldest was extremely fussy as a child. Now an adult and perhaps the most adventurous person I know when it comes to food! Loves fancy restaurants and trying anything on the menu. Looking back, I wish I had been more relaxed about whether he was eating or not, instead of always trying to cater to his fussiness.