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Original poster

How much money to give - daughter's wedding

82 replies

AlmostMOTB · 12/08/2025 12:03

I recently inherited £250K, I gave my daughter £10k prior to this towards the wedding costs but these have escalated and I know they have gone over budget - not their fault they had to change venue with 6 weeks to go.

Would you give what you originally planned to (I didn't think the funds would arrive before the wedding) which was £2k, or increase this to £5k or even more ie £10k.

They are careful with money, about to move house and want to try for a family asap as she has health issues which mean it likely won't happen naturally.

I want this money to last, am investing wisely so I can leave a large amount if not all as inheritance for my own children,

Its a gift from me alone if that has any bearing, sadly losing my husband is why I have this.

NOT a bragging post, this is life changing money for me at huge emotional cost.

OP posts:
MrsMitford3 · 12/08/2025 12:08

So many relevant things left out-

do you need that money to live?
are you working?
do you have a mortgage?
how many children do you have?
what will happen if you don't give the money?

Just to name a few...

HeroicFailure · 12/08/2025 12:09

MrsMitford3 · 12/08/2025 12:08

So many relevant things left out-

do you need that money to live?
are you working?
do you have a mortgage?
how many children do you have?
what will happen if you don't give the money?

Just to name a few...

All of this.

TheSandgroper · 12/08/2025 12:10

If the change of venue is out of their control and they have worked to their budget for the rest, I would offer to cover that extra one off cost.

However, if it’s a case of your daughter’s ideas are bigger than her budget, I would think carefully about indulging her. She doesn’t get to treat your inheritance as her slush fund.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
Frostynoman · 12/08/2025 12:10

Perhaps keep some in reserve if your daughter needs IVF?

kiwiane · 12/08/2025 12:11

I’d give more so they’re not in debt for the wedding but don’t give so much that they waste money that could be used for their house move.
If you just have one child then I’d consider helping with the house move now whilst keeping a good sum saved in case your own circumstances change.
Saving it for children to inherit later doesn’t seem a good use of the money to me as it could make a big difference now but beware they may divorce (!!!) pay for a solicitor to protect any lump sum in your daughter’s name.

Clockforce · 12/08/2025 12:11

What are your retirement and care plans?. Your priority should be using this money to ensure that's all taken care of. You help your daughter much more that way than by funding an expensive wedding.

quickncncncnc · 12/08/2025 12:14

I would always give while alive rather than waiting for them to inherit. They could make so much better use of it!

McSpoot · 12/08/2025 12:15

MrsMitford3 · 12/08/2025 12:08

So many relevant things left out-

do you need that money to live?
are you working?
do you have a mortgage?
how many children do you have?
what will happen if you don't give the money?

Just to name a few...

Add...

Have any of your other children already gotten married and how much did you give them?
Can you give this same amount to your other children when they get married?
How much money are you giving to your other children from this inheritance?

its5oclocksomewheresurely · 12/08/2025 12:16

Jeeeezo. I would pay for the WHOLE wedding, and give them extra, over and above that, to start their lives off. A quarter of a million is a HUGE amount. I can't believe you're considering only giving an extra £2k! Why did they change their venue? If it was lack of funds, why didn't you step in at that point?

I paid for half of my DD's wedding (hoping ExH would pay for the other half).

Cutleryclaire · 12/08/2025 12:21

I would stick to the original amount for the wedding gift.

Then I would be having a separate conversation about if daughter needs help with anything else (my own future and costs having been accounted for).

Doseofreality · 12/08/2025 12:25

Is your Husband the Father of your Daughter? What would he have wanted you to do?

Clockforce · 12/08/2025 12:25

OP, I was in a similar position and initially felt that everything I "gained" through DH's death should be treated as money for DC.

However, I have since learned that being single is very expensive. Your costs are basically the same as before but you only have one income (or one and a bit incomes). Despite having a lower "household" income your tax bill is higher, and you have to pay for help more often. Even, e.g. I've booked my car in for a service this week and have paid the extra £30 for them to collect it because I can't get home after dropping it in, whereas before, we'd have taken 2 cars. Holidaying solo basically means paying double.

So, I'd wait and make sure you're OK and have your future care and retirement needs covered before giving it all away.

If it is genuinely spare, I'd give it before you die, but probably not, personally, for a wedding.

Flossflower · 12/08/2025 12:27

It really depends on your situation:
How old are you?
Do you need this money to help you through your life?
Are you working?
Do you have a good pension?
How many children do you have?

If you are comfortably off. I think I would give a bit more.

Sorry on your loss.

Cyclistmumgrandma · 12/08/2025 12:31

£10 is the limit of what you can give to a child or grandchild specifically for a wedding without it possibly affecting inheritance tax, depending on how long you live afterwards. You can also give a small amount to someone not related, so could give son in law some but it's not a large amount and I'd have to look up how much.

Clockforce · 12/08/2025 12:35

Cyclistmumgrandma · 12/08/2025 12:31

£10 is the limit of what you can give to a child or grandchild specifically for a wedding without it possibly affecting inheritance tax, depending on how long you live afterwards. You can also give a small amount to someone not related, so could give son in law some but it's not a large amount and I'd have to look up how much.

You can give a wedding gift of up to £5000 to a child, £2500 to grandchildren.

You can also use your £3000 annual gift allowance in combination.

50kHobbyJob · 12/08/2025 12:36

Cyclistmumgrandma · Today 12:31
£10 is the limit of what you can give to a child or grandchild specifically for a wedding without it possibly affecting inheritance tax...

A tenner isn't going to go far is it?

Clockforce · 12/08/2025 12:37

50kHobbyJob · 12/08/2025 12:36

Cyclistmumgrandma · Today 12:31
£10 is the limit of what you can give to a child or grandchild specifically for a wedding without it possibly affecting inheritance tax...

A tenner isn't going to go far is it?

That's also not correct.

HaddlerScoop · 12/08/2025 12:38

I agree with all the above, sort yourself out first before looking at gifting down. Personally I would gift them more than you initially said due to the venue change which was out of their control.

I am going to come at this from a different view point. The time that most people could do with gifted money is when they get married, they buy a house or start having children and the astronomical nursery costs.

It is all well and good saying you want to leave an inheritance for your children. I am in my 50s, my parent/Dh's parent are in their 80s. Still alive, no money has come down to us at all and I fully expect it to go on care home fees.

Personally I would look to gifting small amounts over the next few years to help with general life things.

Cyclistmumgrandma · 12/08/2025 12:45

50kHobbyJob · 12/08/2025 12:36

Cyclistmumgrandma · Today 12:31
£10 is the limit of what you can give to a child or grandchild specifically for a wedding without it possibly affecting inheritance tax...

A tenner isn't going to go far is it?

Sorry, meant to say £10k

VeryStressedMum · 12/08/2025 12:45

If it's for the cost of the change of venue then cover that. If it's because they went mad on extras because mum got a load of money then no

Original poster
AlmostMOTB · 12/08/2025 12:57

Oh hell sorry I didn’t even think of the other things that you’ve queried

My pension is excellent and I own two properties outright. I work full time and intend to carry on as I enjoy it.

I have two other independent children, neither of whom are anywhere close to marrying unless it’s a shotgun wedding.

I have already offered to pay the excess wedding costs as well as some little extras she didn’t think they could afford and she reluctantly is going to allow this. She is excellent with money and the extra costs are purely down to venue change and different minimum spend at the new venue. I didn’t step in when the venue changed as I only received the money within the last few days. I have already paid the bulk of the wedding costs as it’s a small relaxed affair which was their choice.

I have invested money for the other two to the same amount as I’ve given to my daughter for the wedding.

Nothing will happen if I don’t give it to them, I am in a quandary as to how much to give as a wedding gift. £2k was my plan before this as I said I didn’t think it would arrive for many more months. But if I gave £5k it would pay for their honeymoon and a bit back into savings. £10k would do that and more savings which they could very much use with moving and family plans 🤞🏽

I have also offered to ring fence and legally document a large lump sum to help them move house but they denied this as they’re not blowing their budget.

I intend to travel and enjoy life more, pay someone to do my DIY and the like for the first time in my life.

I am 56, it will certainly make life easier but I’m not extravagant. My husband was not my daughter’s biological father but he raised her for 25 years and we had two further children together. I can’t think what he would have done as he wasn’t really interested in money.

My post is purely about a wedding gift.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlmostMOTB · 12/08/2025 13:00

HaddlerScoop · 12/08/2025 12:38

I agree with all the above, sort yourself out first before looking at gifting down. Personally I would gift them more than you initially said due to the venue change which was out of their control.

I am going to come at this from a different view point. The time that most people could do with gifted money is when they get married, they buy a house or start having children and the astronomical nursery costs.

It is all well and good saying you want to leave an inheritance for your children. I am in my 50s, my parent/Dh's parent are in their 80s. Still alive, no money has come down to us at all and I fully expect it to go on care home fees.

Personally I would look to gifting small amounts over the next few years to help with general life things.

This is also my intention, I will look into tax etc implications and do this. It’s what my parents did to a smaller effect and it was always welcome.

OP posts:
Wonderknicks · 12/08/2025 13:05

You can give £5K for a wedding without inheritance tax implications (plus the £3000 a year as long as you make no other gifts). It's £5K from each parent, so £10K if two parents. If you live for 7 years after the gift, it's no problem, if course.

PestoHoliday · 12/08/2025 13:08

£5k sounds a good option

RB68 · 12/08/2025 13:10

250K sounds like a huge amoutn - but its really not massive when you have yourself, 2 other children as well as your daughter to consider. I think give the gift you intended (as you have paid for extras int he wedding) and then keep the rest in savings ready for them at different stages such as the IVF