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Original poster

How much money to give - daughter's wedding

82 replies

AlmostMOTB · 12/08/2025 12:03

I recently inherited £250K, I gave my daughter £10k prior to this towards the wedding costs but these have escalated and I know they have gone over budget - not their fault they had to change venue with 6 weeks to go.

Would you give what you originally planned to (I didn't think the funds would arrive before the wedding) which was £2k, or increase this to £5k or even more ie £10k.

They are careful with money, about to move house and want to try for a family asap as she has health issues which mean it likely won't happen naturally.

I want this money to last, am investing wisely so I can leave a large amount if not all as inheritance for my own children,

Its a gift from me alone if that has any bearing, sadly losing my husband is why I have this.

NOT a bragging post, this is life changing money for me at huge emotional cost.

OP posts:

Pinkissmart · 12/08/2025 19:58

I would wait and give extra for a house.

This is essentially a party, and they've chosen to spend a ridiculous amount.

Personally I wouldn't want the money to go on something so transient ( like what would the extra money buy- bigger table decor? More fairy lights?).
I'd want the extra to go on something that could help them longer term.

Horserider5678 · 13/08/2025 09:05

its5oclocksomewheresurely · 12/08/2025 12:16

Jeeeezo. I would pay for the WHOLE wedding, and give them extra, over and above that, to start their lives off. A quarter of a million is a HUGE amount. I can't believe you're considering only giving an extra £2k! Why did they change their venue? If it was lack of funds, why didn't you step in at that point?

I paid for half of my DD's wedding (hoping ExH would pay for the other half).

Why? We don’t know OP’s circumstances other than she’s recently widowed! £250k seems a lot but she might only be late 40’s in which case it has to last a long time if it’s her only income. She may have other children so she can’t do for one and not for the others. Even well invested the value of investments can go up as well as down and given the state of the economy there’s a higher chance it will go down at some point!

Horserider5678 · 13/08/2025 09:08

Yellowstonemaddnesa · 12/08/2025 19:22

Gosh 10 grand isn't a small relaxed affair that's a big wedding !! I think your giving loads and loads I really do unless your absolutly rolling in it

Of course it's lovely to see DC spend money whilst we are alive but I'd reign in after this splurge.
Let's say you had GC with special needs our state system struggles to cope with the most basic sen that money can can pay for tutors or private school. They may buy a house and it's too small but get trapped for some reason ,that money is an extension.

With three dc you could end up with loads of GC.
Etc etc.

10k is a pretty standard wedding! My son is looking at venues currently and 10k is the lower end of the spectrum! Their preferred venue comes in at 15k! Then there’s suits, dresses, flowers, cake, photographer, the average wedding in the UK comes in at around 20k

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Weddings

Horserider5678 · 13/08/2025 09:13

AlmostMOTB · 12/08/2025 18:20

I have way more than most because my husband died very suddenly. I had no idea how much money was coming or when as it was all tied up in his personal investments that I didn’t get involved in. His insurance paid the mortgages off on our family home and the one we had before this that we rent out to a family member and have done for 15+ years with no increase in rent as it covered the mortgage

i anticipated I would be retiring with my husband and enjoying that retirement with our pensions and savings. Which were meagre tbh. I don’t consider myself lucky, I’d rather he was here. But I’ve got some very good advice so I am glad I asked.

Show quote history

You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone and it’s so sad you lost your husband suddenly and of course you’d far rather grow old gracefully with him. I’d for now give them the shortfall and maybe have a discussion about helping them if they do need assisted conception which is a long wait on the NHS and very expensive privately!

Yellowstonemaddnesa · 13/08/2025 09:18

@Horserider5678 yes that's a standard wedding venue it's a money making scheme isnt it
I had a truly small casual wedding and when I was calling around even restaurants with rooms massively hikes the price of I whispered wedding.

I have been so many weddings esp when younger and I often found you arrive at a beautiful old hotel then get ushered into a modern wing and have average not great food with bows on chairs.
So I went for not mentioning wedding and didn't have an expensive package .

One of the most beautiful weddings I've seen was at the bleeding heart Inn London

Doone22 · 15/08/2025 12:37

Congratulations. You all sound like you are sensible with money and as you have enough in hand do whatever you like. I think you are all very lucky to have each other.

Parksinyork · 15/08/2025 12:39

Frostynoman · 12/08/2025 12:10

Perhaps keep some in reserve if your daughter needs IVF?

This is my thinking too.

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