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Please tell me why being single is so great

94 replies

Rowlinginthedeepanddeeper · 06/08/2025 21:28

I know statistically single women are the happiest; can you please tell me why? After a couple of not awful but mediocre relationships, my head is saying being single is a good option, but my heart and, frankly, my body/physical needs are saying otherwise.

OP posts:
wfhwfh · 08/08/2025 08:51

OneNeatBlueOrca · 08/08/2025 07:21

You know, introvert was an arbitrary term invented by carl jung in 1921? Doesn't mean what you think it does. What he actually said and what the theory actually was that most people are in the middle and have a tendency to prefer their own company or the company of others. It was never meant to be an extreme either way.

I find people who declare themselves to be introverted to be actually very selfish people who make their partner feel like rubbish and make them feel as if they are imposing on their lives.

Most people who declare themselves introverts would do what you do in just stop looking for a partner at all, just to make them feel like dirt.

Edited

I don’t understand the last paragraph at all - can you rephrase? Why does not wanting or looking for a partner make anyone feel like dirt?

My post was intended to be positive about a choice that works for me. There was no criticism of women who make other choices.

Whatever Karl Jung’s intention was, I prefer living alone. I’m not sure why that warrants any hostility or accusations of selfishness.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/08/2025 11:48

Being in an incredible fulfilling loving partnership with a great person who is emotionally intelligent, supportive, kind, fun and a team player is the goal and peak happiness. But this is rare to find in a partnership especially with a man I'm afraid and especially with a man who is on the dating market after age 30.

But being single is much better than being in a relationship with the average/typical kind of guy/kind of partnership available. Look at the stats - husbands literally take years off their wife's life and are thousands of times more likely to divorce her if she gets seriously ill than a woman would.

Knowing all of this means I have made peace with my single life and building up things that fulfill me in it, while still dating (with strong boundaries) to give me a chance to find the amazing relationship that I'd want

IjustbelieveinMe · 08/08/2025 11:50

devildeepbluesea · 08/08/2025 07:36

Single about 8 years now and whilst in theory, I’d like someone to go on holiday with who isn’t my DD, my life is full enough thanks. I have loads of friends, DD, full work, hobbies and house of my own.
Actually a male friend came to stay the other night. He’s a really nice bloke and I think he’d like something more but even he, who is a genuinely nice guy, said something so fucking patronising it blew my mind away.

He had cause to go into my bedroom for something and noticed I have a bedside set up for hot drinks. This is because I like to have a coffee when I wake up at 5.30, before getting up to walk the dog. He said to me, “I don’t like to think of you up there wasting the day away drinking coffee in bed.” I was so taken aback I just explained that it was for the early morning. Of course the correct response should have been, “What fucking business is it of yours if I choose to drink coffee in bed during the day?”

Firstly, I am stealing your idea of hot drinks set up in bedroom = coffee in bed before taking the dog out - genius
Secondly, that comment from the bloke - what the actual fuck! I would’ve reacted with LEAVE, RIGHT NOW DICKHEAD

WillIEverGoOnHoliday · 08/08/2025 11:51

Im not single and my husband is a decent human. But I can understand.

There are many men out there who cheat, complain, do no housework etc... thats before you get to physical abuse. I can understand why some women just want to be safe and free to live their lives.

TalulaHalulah · 08/08/2025 12:22

FateAmenableToChange · 07/08/2025 23:50

I thought it was a parody of how the manosphere talk about women? Or maybe I read too much into it.

Yes I also read it as a parody.

Gettingbysomehow · 08/08/2025 12:38

It seems to me that society is changing quite drastically. Women are not tolerating shit men any more and men are retreating into incel living or moping about being hopeless out of relationships.
I go out a lot and Im a member of a lot of clubs and I've noticed that when you get into a conversation with a man all he does is drone on about himself. They never ask any questions about you and look bored if you dare to talk about yourself.
I have gay male friends who say exactly the same, straight men are just not very interesting and there is no give and take in a conversation.

devildeepbluesea · 08/08/2025 12:43

IjustbelieveinMe · 08/08/2025 11:50

Firstly, I am stealing your idea of hot drinks set up in bedroom = coffee in bed before taking the dog out - genius
Secondly, that comment from the bloke - what the actual fuck! I would’ve reacted with LEAVE, RIGHT NOW DICKHEAD

You need one of these in your life!!

And yeah! WTF? Patronising arsehole.

Editing to try and add a link! For some reason it's not working, so google Breville Hot Water Dispenser!

winzomm · 08/08/2025 13:01

Because I'm not needy and I like myself the best. True story.

snughugs · 08/08/2025 13:18

Men are on the main chance. If you’re solvent, have had children got loads of mates, there isn’t a lot they can bring to the table. I frequently look back on my dating life and could slap myself for pouring time, kindness and energy into disrespectful men who had precisely zero to offer me. If a man whom is rich, generous and adores me comes along we might be on to something but otherwise a big no here.

Dappy777 · 08/08/2025 13:56

It isn't a question of being single = happy, being coupled up = misery. You can be single and desperately lonely, and you can be married and blissfully happy. The point, I think, is that people (not just women) have woken up to the fact that you don't have to form a relationship. Until very recently, women had to have a man. If you were single/unmarried, you were vulnerable. You couldn't own property, couldn't vote, and couldn't access higher education. If you were young and poor, and you didn't have a husband, people assumed you were a prostitute. You were also likely to be sexually assaulted/raped (and good luck complaining to the police!).

Even when I was a kid, in the late '80s, it was considered odd never to marry. And as a teen in the '90s single women were still thought of as failures. At last things have begun to change. We're not there yet, but society is beginning to see relationships (and kids) as just one option among many rather than 'the norm'.

Also, we're more aware how different people really are. Some are introverts, some extroverts. Some are highly sexed/sexual, and some aren't. Some crave and need intimacy, and some are happy on their own. It isn't so much that being single is great, more that it's great for quite a lot of people. In the past, women grabbed the first half decent man they could find, had kids with him, and then made the best of things. Both my sets of grandparents had awful marriages – awful. I remember my grandmother saying "this isn't normal" (meaning being stuck with the same man for 60 years). So many women endured utterly hellish marriages with oafish, abusive men because even that was better than being pitied and shamed by society. Even the women who found decent men often hated their life because they just weren't suited to marriage.

Personally, I'd say that many people aren't suited to long-term relationships. It isn't so much that they've never met 'the one' but that they're just not cut out for it. They're too selfish, or independent, or introverted, or traumatised, or restless, or highly sexed, or whatever it may be. And even the people who are suited to marriage often end up with the wrong person. So many marriages implode (my cousin was married for 30 years but his marriage has just collapsed, and his brother has been married twice, both times a disaster – lovely, lovely guys both of them, but it just never worked). And even the ones that don't implode are often miserable. So yeah, not so much that people love being single, more that they're aware how hard, and painful, relationships can be, and would rather fill their life with books and art and dogs and nature and friends. Of course, the big problem is sex. I genuinely think it causes us more misery than happiness. It wouldn't be a bad thing if, at some point in the future, we could find a way of literally switching off the sex drive (if we wished). God it would save so much pain.

TheAmusedQuail · 08/08/2025 14:11

OneNeatBlueOrca · 08/08/2025 07:21

You know, introvert was an arbitrary term invented by carl jung in 1921? Doesn't mean what you think it does. What he actually said and what the theory actually was that most people are in the middle and have a tendency to prefer their own company or the company of others. It was never meant to be an extreme either way.

I find people who declare themselves to be introverted to be actually very selfish people who make their partner feel like rubbish and make them feel as if they are imposing on their lives.

Most people who declare themselves introverts would do what you do in just stop looking for a partner at all, just to make them feel like dirt.

Edited

That may be the case (the arbitrary term).

But I really fail to see how preferring their own company and not looking or wanting a partner is selfish.

WoodlandLove · 08/08/2025 14:16

I'm possibly a bit unusual; but I actually love being celibate. It feels very empowering for me as a woman somehow.

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 08/08/2025 14:24

I love the peace of being single and not dealing with anyone else's issues.

I've had a difficult life though and now I just want solitude and simplicity.

Augustus40 · 12/08/2025 03:33

Men are also generally quite ugly once they get past 50...

sammylady37 · 12/08/2025 11:09

Being in an incredible fulfilling loving partnership with a great person who is emotionally intelligent, supportive, kind, fun and a team player is the goal and peak happiness

That might be the goal and ‘peak happiness’ for some people, but it’s not for all people.

The reason I’m single isn’t because I haven’t found the above and am not going to settle for less, it’s because I want to be single.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 12/08/2025 11:26

I've been married (three times) and am now very very happily single.

But I think part of the reason I am so happy is that I own my own home. I know that nobody can take my house away from me, I have a roof over my head and I am secure. If I were single and living in rented accommodation with all the uncertainty that implies, then I may very well be driven to couple-up again. I might even convince myself that I needed or wanted a man, but really it would be the impossibility of affording to live and buy a house solo.

So having a measure of security, financial and housing wise has made it much much easier to be single.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 12/08/2025 11:31

This is entirely down to your personality and what you want out of life. Some people find being alone difficult and would be much happier with a partner, they get criticised for this by other women (particularly on MN) but if you really want ltr or marriage then I think this should be respected. I'm not single but I always feel that I would be happy if I was. Of course that's just speculation. I like to be alone a lot and never feel lonely, I am very comfortable eating in a restaurant alone or going on little holidays alone, thankfully my Dh understands and doesn't care but I've had a lot of judgement for this from others. If you meet someone who is in tune with you it's possible to be in a LTR and have freedom, but very important to communicate that from the start. I know someone in a relationship where they met in 50s and decided never to live together but they go on dates and holidays, that works for them. There are no rules. You can do single or not whatever way suits you, as long as you communicate. I hate that people feel defined or pressure either way about this.

Augustus40 · 12/08/2025 11:33

Most people assume all single people are lonely and need a partner lol.

As if there is only one type of person out there!

Dontlletmedownbruce · 12/08/2025 11:39

I agree with everything you say @Dappy777 The pressure to marry was also on men, I think many men who were awful to their wives were also men who hated being married and were driven to despair, not to mention gay men, hetero men married to gay women, ND people who craved solitude and so on. I'm so grateful to be a woman at a time when being single is a valid respected option.

TaborlinTheGreat · 12/08/2025 11:42

I'm married to a good one (who does none of these: moods, sulks, attempts to control you, shitty little digs, sarcasm, gaslighting, loudness, racist / sexist comments). Ok he can be quite loud... If he were abducted by aliens or something though, I would absolutely unquestionably remain single for the rest of my days. Partly because I doubt I'd be so fortunate in my choice of men twice, and partly because I just wouldn't feel the need for another relationship. I expect I'd have felt differently at 35 though (I'm in my early 50s).

What would be good about being single? Peace, solitude. These are things I've only liked as I've got older though.

tripleginandtonic · 12/08/2025 12:07

You can be single and still have aex. I think probably because they have more autonomy over their lives thsn they do in a relationship. Women seem to care more about how a house looks mess wise so if they're on their own then they've no man carelessly messing it up

JaneEyre40 · 12/08/2025 12:22

HAL200 · 07/08/2025 13:55

No one risking being murdered by uttering the words "I have hoovered (tidied/made the bed/insert a job) FOR YOU"

What?! My partner would NOT be saying that twice.

Dragonfly97 · 12/08/2025 12:30

OhDorWheresthesalad · 06/08/2025 23:07

I had a lovely marriage (until it wasn't) and have been single now for 15 years. Initially it was because it was best for my DD, now it's because it's best for me. I don't want to compromise. I don't want to have to speak to someone else or ask how they are. I don't want to share my bed and I don't want feet touching me or on my coffee table. I don't want to have to factor someone into my very nice life and change one iota of it to accommodate someone else. There are no benefits for me to having a relationship and I would rather die alone eaten by my cats than have to stop watching Bake Off long enough for a tedious manecdote about their tedious day.

"Manecdote"!!! Love it, I'm stealing this! 😁

Zov · 12/08/2025 12:54

MiloMinderbinder925 · 07/08/2025 16:41

I prefer being in a good relationship than being single. It's nice to have support and someone to share your life with.

This. ^

Zov · 12/08/2025 12:54

MiloMinderbinder925 · 07/08/2025 16:41

I prefer being in a good relationship than being single. It's nice to have support and someone to share your life with.

This. ^

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