Upset by DH’s ‘misjudgment’ aka lack of common sense

[Tothink]

We went to a waterpark today for the first time with our two sons (aged 2&4).

DS1 (eldest) is much more water confident than DS2 and doesn’t mind going down the slides, getting hair/eyes wet etc. DS2 a lot more apprehensive and even looks too small for the slides.

At one point DS1 wanted to go down the biggest slide (it was a fully closed tunnel slide which went from the top of the waterpark down to the bottom. It had various bends and turns. DS1 went down it fine. DH took him up there (quite a way up), he carried DS2 with him but I assumed he would walk back down the steps to the bottom once DS1 had entered the slide. But no… I saw him lower DS2 into the slide and I went slightly ballistic from the bottom, trying to shout up and signal to him ‘NO!’. He obviously did it any way. He put DS2 in the tunnel and off he went.

I waited right at the bottom for DS2 to appear. I waited. I waited. I started to fucking panic like there is no tomorrow and then I hear him screaming ‘mama, mama’. And truly in that moment my whole body went to absolute jelly. He is a very small 2 year old and was clearly terrified, stuck alone in this fully closed long ass tunnel.

To clarify, there’s no water going through the tunnel obviously, I mean it’s wet in there due to wet swimwear going through it but no stream of water. However, it’s the mere fact that I couldn’t see him, but I could hear him screaming for me.

Then he stopped screaming for me and I panicked even more. Lifeguards all came over but didn’t actually know what to suggest because DS2 had obviously gotten stuck somewhere in the tunnel and seeing as he is only 2, he didn’t really know to keep sliding himself down. Nobody could slide down it and get him because apparently it was too risky (if they went down too fast they could bang into him).

He eventually came out, shaking like an absolute leaf. It honestly felt like ages. The screaming made it worse but then the silent parts were even worse than that.

Furious at DH and feeling so shaken by it.

A massive water slide? No.

A dry slide for which the child met the height restrictions and after discussing with the lifeguard? That sounds a lot more reasonable, though it turned out to be a misjudgment in this case.

Sitting in a dark tunnel turned out to be terrifying for this two-year old. But OP’s an adult, and yes, panicking, shaking like a leaf, legs turn to jelly does sound like a dramatic response from an adult in this particular situation.

I have three and I agree with her. And I know many childless and childfree women whose judgement with kids are better than some mums.

I thought op said there was a member if staff at the top?

Yes this. He made a misjudgment but didnt actually do anything wrong. It's his son too. I can see OP holding this against him for a long time!

@Simplelobsterhat yes, hence my very first sentence which says I cross posted my below with her most recent update (in the time id written it she had posted again)

The fact people say take ds down on lap shows you should discredit their opinion straight away. Fastest way to broken legs for a kid. Please don't do this! Ask any ER doctor.

OP I get you were scared and reacted in fear but I think you will with time realise you were over reacting. There is no way this was a massive dangerous slide (please link photo to show me otherwise if wrong) judging by all the parks and water parks and theme parks I have brought my kids too. I remember a similar, time my DH sent me 2 year old down a water slide by herself,I was with baby at the bottom and was expecting him to come down with her. It did her zero harm, and we now laugh at it as those dad Vs mum videos.
I was in counselling a few weeks ago (have to regularly have it via my type of work) and talking about this and there is a balance with men and women when it comes to kid, pushing limits and watching boundaries, which raises a balanced child. You need to forgive your husband for this.it is still ok to feel the fear but that is your fear.

I do agree for others that some hugs, a few minutes sitting out to calm down and back to play in water would have been the best route but you can't change that now and I really don't think it is going to have lifetime impact. Your child probably felt punished for having to leave.

Curious did you shout up the slide to kid? Tell them your safe you were at the bottom waiting.come on down. Children react to your panic as well, so some of this shaking, fear he had, may have been yours.

My 2nd is much more timid than my first, won't ride the big rollercoasters etc (she is just turned 6 but tall so meets most height restrictions). If she asks I don't tell her no, I explain she might not like it and it she feels strongly she wants to go, that is her chocie. she went on one, hated it, was 1 minute of her life and she was safe and now she knows her boundaries. Your son will have learnt some of his boundaries today while being safe doing so

and sent him down a huge enclosed tunnel

This is one of the oddest things I’ve read. How does a massive enclosed tunnel without any running water work? I’m old and have been to many water parks here and overseas in my life, yet I have never seen a waterslide that didn’t have running water. Or, people would be getting stuck on them left, right and centre and it would hold up the next rider while waiting for the person to bum shimmy down a small slide, let alone a huge one. Having wet swimmers is not going to assist in sailing you down. Had it malfunctioned and they were still letting people use it?

Given that DS met the height restriction, wanted to go, and the lifeguard saw no issue, it's hard to comment on whether it was actually ill-informed without knowing what the slide was like. I'm struggling to see how a dry slide would work at a water park - surely there'd be way too much friction as people will only be wearing swimwear?

What do you mean not in this case? You think it's worse to be stuck and scared but physically safe than to break a limb?!

Her DH is right it’s not backwards even just staying and holding his hand and letting him watch others around him play would’ve been good.

especially as he wasn’t in any danger.

Apologies, I hadn't understood what that referred to

No me neither

Thankfully it's all been cleared up by the OP by linking to the water park....

What waterpark was it?

Actually ,I agree that any resulting fear of water will be due to mum's reaction at the time. That's not to say her panic wasn't understandable in the moment.

Children learn how safe the world is from the people around them. They look to their parents for how to respond.

If his mum has reacted with a smile and an, "Oh my goodness! Was that a bit scary? What a brave boy you are doing that on your own! How clever you are!" regardless of how she actually felt, he'd have started to reframe the experience to himself. Because the whole point of 'extreme' things is that they're scary. It's what makes them exciting.

By swiftly removing him and panicking, she's reinforced the idea to her son that it was dangerous. And that is where any ongoing fear will come from.

When, it wasn't really dangerous. Yes, accidents happen but if water slides were routinely dangerous, they wouldn't exist.

It's natural to panic when your child is in distress but, in a situation like that, it's also part of learning. Didn't like something? Don't do it again (for a while).

I agree that it was a misjudgement on the dad's part to send him down when he'd been unhappy about the smaller slides. But I also think part of whisking him away was to prove a point to the dad and drive the message home that he had done something wrong. I don't think it was in the best interests of the child. That message should have been delivered away from the child.

Everything you felt in the moment was justified and horrifying to you. Hearing your DS in anguish must have been gut wrenching to you. I get it, it’s a primal reaction to your child being in danger. However, everything you did afterwards once your DS was safe and out of immediate danger is over the top and has made the situation so much worse.

Unless you want your DS to grow up an anxiety riddled human being YOU need to learn how to process these types of situations.

DS met the height requirement and said he wanted to go down the slide. In that moment DH made a decision to let him go. It was the wrong decision. If he has accepted this you need to move on together as a team. Don’t make DH the enemy, he is your ally. You have many more years of adventurous boys to navigate together.

It sounds to me like this was more of a splash park type setup. Often these are just the same sorts of slides you have in the park they just end in an inch of water.

I dont understand why people are blowing this out of proportion like this.
DH wasnt being stupid or neglectful or unsafe.
He did everything according to the rules. And honestly, nothing happened. its just one of those things that happen sometimes.

DS went down a slide at the zoo once at age 2 and it was quite steep, but he loved these things. No height restriction, so we let him. Half way down his shoe got caught on the side and he got flipped over. He came down head first on his back the rest of the way.
I was at the bottom and caught him before he fell head first on the ground and he cried a little when he got down. I just swooped him up, hugged him and congratulated him on his awesome slide twist.
DH next to me was kinda excited that he got it on video 🤦🏻‍♀️
DS stopped crying the second he saw us all excited clapping for him and wanted to go again. He went down another 5x with no issues.
Sometimes things just dont go as planned, doesnt mean its unsafe.

Horrifying?

Lord above what are we doing to our kids

Does he go on slides at a normal playpark? Have none of those been an enclosed dry tunnel? it sounds like there was nothing particularly 'waterpark' about this slide other than it coming out into water.

Can you link to the waterpark so we can see the slide?

@Tothink where was this slide and water park?

you’ve ignored several questions regarding this. It would help to see the slide, because from your further posts, it does just seem it was unfortunate that your son got stuck, but that the slide was appropriate (height restrictions in places/husband checking with lifeguard/no water/ you letting him go up- I mean we know kids will say they want to go down, so if you knew it was too much for him, you should have kept him with you).

I think you both handled this poorly, but you more so op

Dh put son on a slide he wanted to go on, he met the height restriction and didn't have water in. Yes, he misjudged but son wasnt in actual danger.

Ok, so poor son didn't enjoy it and it scared him. Thats a shame and dh misjudged it

You have massively over reacted by taking son from the water park immediately and your pure anger at dh. A better reaction would have been a cuddle for son on the pool side and then distraction of "come on let go and play over here...yay well done you can hold my hand... I'll carry you for a bit if you like..."

Cannot imagine the slide at all if its the biggest and scariest in the whole park but a toddler can go on and it has no running water.

I’m really not seeing what danger the child was in here? There was no water flowing, the kid was sat in a dry tunnel, they could not fall, they could not drown. It was probably a bit scary for him but… where was the danger? There was a lifeguard at the top preventing anyone else going down the tunnel and hitting the child.

OP - what danger was your child in? I really don’t understand your reaction considering the (apparent) lack of risk. You kid got a fright, which isn’t nice to listen to as a parent, but you coach them through it to problem solve (push themselves down the slide) cheer them on when they get out the bottom, jolly them along and then move on.

my 2, nearly 3 year old got stuck on a similar slide at soft play once (one of the tube ones going top to bottom) - there was no supervision and a bigger kid came down and ran into them from behind. It was a bit scary but no real harm done to either child and we all moved on.

It’s totally understandable you’re so upset @Tothink. I’d be fuming.

I wouldn’t even let a 4 year old go down those big tunnel slides on their own, as it’s very common to get stuck and panic. Or for the (not always very vigilant) lifeguards to realise they haven’t come out and send someone else down. Even if they nagged, I’d say it’s for older kids.

A 2 year old is a baby. Absolutely no way. My DS2 was very physically confident: riding a bike and playing out in the street at 3. But I wouldn’t have let him on one of those. His GM took him on a rollercoaster at 5 or 6 when he was staying with her without me and he told me he was in tears. He was traumatised for years, wouldn’t go on fair rides etc.

To prevent your DS being too traumatised, joking can help. Things like, ‘Silly dad, what was he thinking’ and laugh. And praise your DS for overcoming adversity: ‘You were like a Ninja Turtle and fought your way out of that tunnel, there was no stopping you! What a superhero!’. That should build his confidence, as he’s likely to have picked up on your stress about it.

As for your DH, once you’re feeling calmer, suggest a quiet chat. Explain how it affects mothers, particularly, to hear their baby distressed (then quiet) and not be able to help them. Explain how it’s undermined your trust in DH to be sensible with the kids going forward. If he’s sensitive and kind, he’ll listen and reassure you. He should not brush it off as ‘no harm done’.

While it was awful at the time, hopefully it’ll end up as a funny family anecdote.

I was at the bottom and caught him before he fell head first on the ground and he cried a little when he got down. I just swooped him up, hugged him and congratulated him on his awesome slide twist.

Perfect response!

And this is what creates confident children who learn to assess and take risks.

In general, when parents constantly 'protect' their child from safe risks, children don't develop that confidence. They learn that the world is unsafe. They learn that their parents don't have confidence in them and their abilities and so don't develop confidence in it themselves. What they learn is everyone else can do that but I can't.

You'd be fuming?

Really?

The husband put his son down a slide that a lifeguard OK'd and the son wanted to go down.

What did he do wrong?

And you've seen plenty of kids getting stuck down slides? Crikey.