Upset by DH’s ‘misjudgment’ aka lack of common sense

[Tothink]

We went to a waterpark today for the first time with our two sons (aged 2&4).

DS1 (eldest) is much more water confident than DS2 and doesn’t mind going down the slides, getting hair/eyes wet etc. DS2 a lot more apprehensive and even looks too small for the slides.

At one point DS1 wanted to go down the biggest slide (it was a fully closed tunnel slide which went from the top of the waterpark down to the bottom. It had various bends and turns. DS1 went down it fine. DH took him up there (quite a way up), he carried DS2 with him but I assumed he would walk back down the steps to the bottom once DS1 had entered the slide. But no… I saw him lower DS2 into the slide and I went slightly ballistic from the bottom, trying to shout up and signal to him ‘NO!’. He obviously did it any way. He put DS2 in the tunnel and off he went.

I waited right at the bottom for DS2 to appear. I waited. I waited. I started to fucking panic like there is no tomorrow and then I hear him screaming ‘mama, mama’. And truly in that moment my whole body went to absolute jelly. He is a very small 2 year old and was clearly terrified, stuck alone in this fully closed long ass tunnel.

To clarify, there’s no water going through the tunnel obviously, I mean it’s wet in there due to wet swimwear going through it but no stream of water. However, it’s the mere fact that I couldn’t see him, but I could hear him screaming for me.

Then he stopped screaming for me and I panicked even more. Lifeguards all came over but didn’t actually know what to suggest because DS2 had obviously gotten stuck somewhere in the tunnel and seeing as he is only 2, he didn’t really know to keep sliding himself down. Nobody could slide down it and get him because apparently it was too risky (if they went down too fast they could bang into him).

He eventually came out, shaking like an absolute leaf. It honestly felt like ages. The screaming made it worse but then the silent parts were even worse than that.

Furious at DH and feeling so shaken by it.

TWO years old? I can't believe pp are saying you overreacted. I would have more than hit the roof with DH after I had recovered. I once panicked on a beginner's ski slope when I turned around and 8 year old DS had disappeared (he had decided to follow a snake of other children on their way down). I had all the ski instructors scouring the slope (he was safely at the bottom!).

Thats a very different situation though, her child was in an enclosed slide with no water risk. She knew where he was, if he’d been stuck for any amount of time they’d have closed the slide and climbed up to get him (I’ve seen that happen in water parks). As it was he worked out how to get out. No it’s not nice hearing your child upset but he wasn’t at risk and as a parent you need to be able to respond calmly even when you’re feeling anxious.

I agree.

The slide cannot have been that big if the child met the height restriction.

There are many parts to this story that do not add up. The poster who pointed out that OP has taken us all on a fantasy ride is likely to be correct.

@Tothink what a fucking idiot!!!! 2 years old is way too young!! you dont take your eyes off them and that includes while on the slide!! what the hell was he thinking???? at the very least he should have had the 2 year old sitting in his lap with him!!!

Sounds to me like dad wants his DS to be big and brave. My (male) friend was like this with his DS. Inadvertently terrified the life out of him at the pool. His DS would sit at the edge and cry if splashed. My friend would get irritated and make comments and do things to force DS into the water. My DS, same age, was brave and did lots of fearless jumping in. My friend made comments, taunting his DS to be brave like my DS. Now, 2 year olds know when you’re being nice or not. My friends DS didn’t trust his dad, he’d pushed him in before. Over the space of a week, I talked to the little one about the water. Asked him what he didn’t like:getting his face wet. Aha! So, lets do some support in the water where I hold your head and keep your face dry. That done, little one very happy. Ok, now lets do stuff where we purposely get our faces wet. Watch me, hold on to the side. Hold nose. Put face in water, then back up fast. Lots of praise when done. Within a few days little one was jumping in, holding his breath under the water etc. my friend was astonished. He’d been employing his ineffective tactics for weeks to get DS in the water. Its all about explaining, demonstrating and gentle encouragement. No pressure. Your hubby needs to learn better techniques! Your DS needed to watch kids coming down the slide, be instructed on what to do, perhaps sit in front of another kid for first attempt etc. I took my kids to waterparks at various ages. They were never pressured to do anything outside of their comfort zone. Often, a year later they were doing much braver things than the year before. I feel your anxiety as mum, we are programmed to be protective. Before you know it your DS will be doing risky things without your husbands instigation. To a certain extent, maybe the fear he felt on the slide will hold him back from being a future dangerous risk taker. It would seem no harm done. Your annoyance with DH will ease. Maybe just suggest to DH that next time he used better techniques.

Love all the responses claiming that what he should have done is put the child on his lap which poses an real risk of serious injury and which is forbidden.

Was it an actual water slide or was it just a slide in a water park? Your description made me imagine an adult slide, but if it had no water in and the height requirement was that low makes me think it was just a child’s slide

Yep. Apparently you aren't supposed to stop being in physical contact with them

I don't think the size of the slide is relevant, the child perceived that he was trapped (because they were too small to slide down easily) and was scared. When my fuckwit of a great-uncle threw me in the pool I wasn't in any real danger at all, it was a small pool and there were several people including my mother pretty much within arm's length distance. I nevertheless still remember the fear 60 years later. I learned to be a very good swimmer but have always had a little frisson of fear when getting into deep water.

Jesus op I’d be furious. Men just don’t bloody think.

We’re in Spain and a Dad (not British), left his kids whilst he went and slept on a sun bed! The kids look about 2 and 3, the pool is way out of their depth. Luckily they keep staying in the kiddie pool but they started walking near the deep one and got in the shallow end, I was watching them the whole time as I then felt responsible for them!

I was so relieved when he sauntered in to take them home about half an hour later. No lifeguard.

To be fair I think this is a very different scenario. OP has noted that the child was above the height restriction, there was a life guard there who her husband spoke to, and the parent was waiting at the other end.

It’s important that children can also tolerate unpleasant feelings. While he may have been upset in the moment helping him calm down - eg taking time away from the water, comfort and reassurance - and then helping him see that he was able to get out of the situation and had safe parents there to help him, and that while scared he wasn’t in any danger would have enabled him to learn that a) he was ok, safe and capable and b) allowed him to return to the thing that frightened him.

We can’t avoid children being frightened at times, we can’t remove them from every situation. Treating every unpleasant feeling like it’s a trauma doesn’t help kids develop resilience or enable appropriate risk taking. It doesn’t teach them how to tolerate hard feelings and self regulate, which is an important life skill.

Psychological research. None of which I have to hand at the moment, unfortunately. But all (I say that tentatively because I haven't read it all obviously but everything I'm aware of) found that

a) that children learn how safe the world is from their parents.

b) it's good for children's development to learn to take and assess risk and to learn that their parents trust them and their developing abilities. It's how they learn to trust themselves,

And

b) that, generally, how well people respond to adverse experiences is largely determined by the response/nature of support of those around them.

Any lasting psychological damage is far more likely to he caused by the mum's reaction in a scenario like this than from the initial incident itself.

If that’s partly aimed at my responses, you’ve taken quite a leap to assume I think mothers are the default parent.

I equally co-parented 50/50. But my experience as a mother was different to my children’s father’s experience, e.g. I gave birth and breastfed.

If one parent makes an error of judgement, which leaves a very young child distressed, then of course it makes it more difficult for the other parent to trust them to be sensible in future. That’s why it’s important to reassure them. It’s quite normal and shouldn’t be a big deal in a healthy relationship.

I’d be livid. Yes a misjudgment but what a mistake to make! I don’t think you’re overreacting at all-that cry that our children do when upset for their mummy is heartbreaking and you were in a situation where you couldn’t do anything for him. I hope the little mite recovers quickly from his trauma ❤️

That would match my understanding of current research particularly in child development and trauma. Not that this constitutes a trauma as such, it’s a pretty normal childhood occurrence to do something new, feel scared and want the reassurance of a parent.

common sense

I wouldn't normally say this - but your husband/partner sounds as thick as two short planks. A light child will not travel down the slide and it doesn't take a genius to work that out.

Also he needs to take a parenting course

a) that children learn how safe the world is from their parents.
When a child is put in a situation where they don't feel safe, then regardless of how safe the parent believes it is, the child has autonomy. No child will feel safe when they are put in a situation where they are terrified.

b) it's good for children's development to learn to take and assess risk and to learn that their parents trust them and their developing abilities. It's how they learn to trust themselves,
A 2 year old does not have the capacity to assess this type of risk.

And
b) that, generally, how well people respond to adverse experiences is largely determined by the response/nature of support of those around them.
And that includes supporting a child by removing them from the situation that's caused them to be very distressed.

All of the above should be child led - giving children the ability to control what they feel comfortable with is absolutely key to building confidence.

It was a misjudgement, yes.

Poor Ds2.

BUT your DH was aware that the slide wasn’t dangerous, no matter how scary.

Praise your Ds for continuing down and coming out in a confident ‘well done’ way.

Do not presume that water in general will be an issue. Take him back to a normal pool and let him splash about. It’s big tunnel slides he isn’t ready for, not pools in general.

I am sure your DH regrets his decision and will have learned from it. Leave it be now.

Everything you felt at the time is fine.

Everything you did after and even this thread you started is just a way for you to justify the fact that you allowed your feelings of horror and despair to also be absorbed and internalised by your DC. You also continue to demonise your DH for this event and in doing so your DC is also picking up on the feelings that his DF is not a safe person only you.

What if your DC had emerged victorious?

On a more practical note you need to talk to management about getting a big long foam stick thing so if this happens again at least some sort of tool can be used to help guide the child out. This would have made it more like a game. Also assess things like this in the future and educate yourself on what the child would need to know and do to help themselves so they can feel more in control too.

A toddler died on a water slide in June 2025 because her DF lost grip of her and she fell? A tragic accident. My DC often came down big slides with one of us holding them as did so many others at the waterpark with their children. I always made sure I used the slide in the middle of a run of 4. You can’t avoid all risks especially if your DC are adventurous. However, you can make your DC fearful and anxious because of your actions.

Its the parents role to offer reassurance - to comfort the child and explain “it’s ok, I was right here, you were so brave and clever to come down by yourself”.

The child’s parent assessed the risk, as did the water park employee - the child wasn’t in danger.

A calm, measured response that comforts the child, acknowledges their feelings and then supports them to get on with their day is more likely to help that child develop emotionally than a response that dramatises a fairly normal human experience.

Why didn’t your husband go straight after your sons? When we go we follow them straight down.

It wasn't aimed at anyone specifically. Just a general pattern that has emerged on this thread and emerges across many threads.

And I agree that the correct response is to reassure the child.

That not what the OP (allegedly) did here though. She reified the child's fear.

What? Are you the DH? I would have been just as anxious as the OP over this. The kid is only two and clearly not ready for a slide like that and he got stuck.

You are not fucking dramatic @Tothink.

I agree and that's pretty much what I said in a previous post.

I was responding to a pp who seemed to be suggesting that the experience of the waterslide itself could cause lasting psychological damage. And I disagree with that.

No, it's the parent's role to assess what their child is capable of and comfortable with at that particular stage in their development. It doesn't take a genius to work out that a 2 year old who is already very apprehensive shouldn't be put down this type of slide - regardless of the height restrictions (which in themselves appear very odd). His (predictable) response shows that he wasn't ready for the type of slide - a smaller one to start with, absolutely, and then building up to the bigger one, if he wants to, as he begins to feel more confident in his own abilities.