Story time - This mum at nursery!

[travelbee]

So my DD made a friend in nursery few months back and I was very happy for her. She and her friend got along really well and the Girl was lovely as well. fast forward few months later, I have always seen her mum dropping her off at nursery but we never has a chat or only exchanged a smiles here and there.

then I was shopping with my DD one afternoon and saw that little girl with her mum and both girls were saying Hi and were happy to see each other. Her mum asked me that if she can have my number so we can have a play date etc. I said okay and we exchanged a number. The next day she asked me that if I want to go to soft play with girls, but I already had plans for the day so I said no and then invited her to our place for a play date for next week and she said okay.

On the date of Play date :
even before she came to our house she texted me asking if she can drop her DD off at my place at 7.30 in yhe morning to take her to nursery and then I will have to collect her daughter at 3 pm and then she will collect her from my house at 4.30 pm. ( she said its because she has to go to college and she can't be late, it was for two days a week) Of course I said no and made up something as my DD only went to nursery for morning session and lunch only and I can't have anybody in ny house that early in the morning.

when she arrived at our place, I explained to her about why I can't help her with her DD for nursery. then she told me that she is a single mum, her ex was not good and has no relationship with him and she doesn't have a relationship with her parents as well when I asked if her parents can help with her DD. Play date was fine, the girls played and we had a nice chat.

2 days later, I was out running errands and got a text from her asking for £20 as she was broke and needed money to buy milk and bread and basics. I asked her if she lives near perticular supermarket so I can drop some food to her place as I was laready out. she said she lives far away and will get uber delivery as she didnt have car or doesnt drive. I felt bad and gave her £20 via bank transfer and she said she will give it back next week.

She did gave back money after 10 days. and she asked me for more money the next day as she said that she had sudden electric bill and needs £20. I smelled something fishy and told her that I am not in a position to lend money at the moment and she said okay. She had found out at the point that we are really good financially when she came to visit our house.

This happened 3 more times and I said no all the time. I just wondered everytime that how does she have a money for Vape, getting her nails done every 2 weeks, tattoos and piercings and for Taxis here and there because I saw her many times getting off and to in taxi even to school drop off?

after few months when she asked money again saying that she hasn't got paid yet from her part time job I just flatly told her no and told her not to text me again and blocked her. She has changed her DD school at this point to somewhere closer to their house. and guess what I found out she just lived 5 min walk away from the supermarket I was that day when she asked money for first time.

Any experiences with similar people? I just wonder where does she put all the money she gets from government for being a single mother and the salary that she gets from oart time job? If I was broke, My first priority would be to put food on the table for my kids and family, then household bills and then everything else. Not stupid Vapes and gel nails !

Just had to rant...

Communicate boundaries & walk away.

You don't know how many other people she is asking for money. Some will get paid back, others won't, depending on how soft they are. She asked for a small amount and repaid to build up some trust. She would probably have ended up scamming you for a larger amount but you are too canny. Keep her blocked, she won't add to your life.

Don’t know why you entertained any of this. It’s not even worth thinking about. The first text expecting me to take her DD to and from nursery when all you were doing was setting up a play date would have been the last text. Cheeky fuckers come in all shapes and sizes. Just move on and set better boundaries in future.

She sounds like a user and you need to have better boundaries than that. It would have been very clear the first time she asked for money that that wasn’t going to fly with me. People like this will take and take if they see you never really say no.

I was a teacher. Became friendly with a supply teacher in our department - or maybe she became friendly with me. (I admit it, I'm socially inept - ND.)

Was happy to make a friend. She started to borrow money from me. Each time, it was paid back eventually. Each time, the amount went up until it was 200.

She smoked like a chimney, possibly explaining why she was always short of cash. Her husband was a nurse; she had plenty of teaching work so - as another colleague said, she should have been able to manage if she gave up smoking. (Yes, turned out she'd borrowed from the colleague. Years later, I found out that she'd borrowed from several folk.)

I had to have an operation. She promised to drive me there and back. (My late husband was disabled.) Gushed about how she'd take my out for coffees, etc. I was so pleased and relieved. I made up my mind that once she picked me up, I'd tell her to keep the money to cover her petrol

I got my date. Phoned her. "Oh, the kids have dental appointments that day..."

I got a taxi to hospital. Never heard from her again until a few years later. When I retired, I became more active on social media. Got and accepted a friend request from her.

Got a private message from her: "I've got your money for you." I told her to keep it. To be honest, I could have done with getting back my 200, but I didn't want to get into the cycle of further lending requests and I knew I was being used. [There's another story, but it'll take too long to tell.]

Never mind all that, how was she affording to send her child to nursery? How was she getting to this college course? You saw her out at the shops and now she's claiming she can't get to the shops as she doesn't have car/drive? You've seen for yourself that she's obviously lying, there's more holes in her story than in a slice of Leerdammer. She's just a user.

The word to continue using is NO.
You are her latest babysitter/cash machine. She's probably tested out many 'friendships' with this behaviour.

You know the smart thing is to step aside - she'll go hunting for the next one.

Yes ! I was bit shocked when she asked like We were practically strangers at that point. How can she be fine with DD going to someone else's house she doesn't even know that well?

I would think 10 times sending my DD to my parents and I love my parents.

She may get free nursery depending on the course she was doing and who was funding it.

Some people see niceness as being a mug. I had issues with one of DDs friends. She did me a very small favour and then seemed to think I was beholden to her for the rest of my life. As well as being a personal childminder, taxi she tried to get money out of me.
Thankfully covid happened and I was able to cut her off.

Yes I asked her how she is paying for nursery. She said because she is a student, Government gives her 9k for nursery funds + single mother benefits + her part time job salary. I don't know what truth in that.
where does the money go?

I am not bragging but we are highest tax payer in this country and it did sting a little bit knowing where does some of our the tax go!

Well done for working it out so quickly and putting a lid on it. You don't need "friends" like that. You can ponder and fume about her being a CF and tax payers money etc but there's really no point. People like that don't change.

We had some neighbours whose business ran into trouble and lost value in covid. They had no pensions, no plan b. Turned out plan b was to borrow (and not repay) money from various neighbours telling each one not to tell anyone else. One fool poor bloke lent them 3k. I saw through it and refused. It annoyed me that they had even asked because they clearly wanted to keep their nice big 5 bed house and yet be bankrolled by others. After a few months they did a moonlight flit, house sold secretly and no one saw a penny of their money. CFs!!!

How do you sell the house secretly? and how no neighbours asked money when they were loading their stuff into van for moving out?

They sold it to one of those companies that get the sale/money through in days but apparently you only get 80% of the market value. No For Sale boards or advertising (hence "secret"). First we knew was the removal company turning up and clearing the house but the neighbours themselves had already vanished.

The company promptly put the house up for sale on the open market and the neighbours who were owed money assumed this was the sale by the CFs and tried to register notices of debt before it sold but discovered it already had been ...

It is not for you to worry about, is it? No one can tell you where her money is going! Unless you are going to say that her child is being neglected, which you have not stated, it is not worth any consideration imo. You have cut her off, so that should be the end of it.

I have been in this exact situation and discovered that there were a whole ton of people at school being asked for money from this one parent. She had a serious drug and gambling addiction. Her children were taken into care. You are right to place boundaries. I’d report to the safeguarding lead at nursery/school and let them do their job.

🙄

Has she paid you back?

If not ask her for money back. And sit back and watch her disappear into the dust.

Just say no.

Cheeky cow has spotted you're a nice person.

I had a "friend" like that, I knew them before they became a single mum and she already had a bit of a track record for grifting which i did not succumb to until they had their child. I helped her out at first because I had been a single mum (though I never ever asked friends for money) and I knew from personal experience how tough it was. Found out she was doing the same to another friend. We compared notes and we had both bailed her out on numersous occasions. The most brazen one was where she called round at my mates to cadge money for bread and milk and then asked for a lift to Tesco as they had a TV on offer she wanted to buy! That was a wake up call and another one was when I called round with some groceries I had bought for her as she had messaged me to say she was broke. Gave her the shopping and she invited me into the garden to see her new outdoor furniture! I made myself unavialable after that, yes I felt bad for her little girl but I got sick of being used as a cash point.

You don't need to wonder where she gets money from or what she spends it on.
She is a CF and no longer your problem

Unlikely that you are the highest tax payer in the country OP 🤔

"All the money" ??
Dream on love, single mothers get fuck all from the government, I know because unlike you I've lived that life.

While I agree that this woman is a CF, I doubt very much that your own taxes cover what you, your partner and your child cost the government to keep you all safe, educated and healthy, let alone pay for her nails.

I was with you you til the comment about where does she put all her money from
being a single parent. Awful comment.

Agree with this. And it’s not your business anyone else’s OP, what this woman gets in benefits.

I say this as someone whose relative is a lot like how you describe your ex “friend”. They’re “terrible with money” because so far they’ve always found some pushover to bail them out. These types do however, run out of suckers eventually. Or the suckers run out of money and strangely the freeloader is nowhere to be seen.

I am with you that is wrong of her to ask you to lend her money and provide childcare and to potentially lie about matters ro get you to help.

However questioning where her money goes is an entirely different matter. Her nursery is funded and she gets a pittance on benefits to live on with a small child but she does work a part time job too. Good for her to study so she can get a better job eventually so that she doesn't face this type of criticism. Try a day in her shoes. You may be less scathing.