Should men be allowed on post-natal wards?

[Kibble19]

This is off the back of another thread from a woman who is very concerned about the presence of unknown men on the post-natal ward at hospital.

I had my child during the pandemic so have no experience of normal practices in post-natal wards, and I appreciate they may vary from Trust to Trust.

When I had my baby, I was on the post-natal ward for several days (PPH, sepsis pathway joy). There were three visiting times each day, one hour each. Partners had to call the ward the day before to book their slot the next day, for social distancing purposes. I had no choice but to just manage on my own, as did the other women there.

Should we have a system like that (minus the need to book your visit) instead of the very wide open hours that many hospitals seem to have? Specific hours for visiting (with all visitors gone by, say, 7pm) only? No men or family members overnight?

1 in 4 women in England & Wales has suffered domestic abuse, so there must be many women who are anxious about the presence of men when they’ve had their baby.

Post natal wards either need to be set up for proper care being provided for those who have had difficult births, or are having difficulty feeding, or who have other challenges.

Or, they need to allow and be set up for a support person being with the new mother the majority of the time. Fine, restrict that to one person at a time, sign them in and out by name, restrict toilet use to the visitors one, insist on curtains shut while they’re there.

But the current staffing levels and capabilities are not compatible with the new mother being alone in many cases.

My dh wasnt allowed to stay overnight with me, we needed to have a private room for that. With my firstborn I would have loved him to be there with me all night. With it all being new, I just felt alone and scared, I would have loved him to be there for support.

He was allowed from 8am up till 9pm so the next morning he was there for the doors opening and I couldn’t have been happier. I have no problem with men being there with their own partners.
The issue I found was other mums with constant huge amounts of visitors.
My parents came to visit me the second time around and I felt really conscious about the noise levels and not wanting to disturb anyone. When I wanted to sleep it was really off putting having people accidentally walk into the wrong section or pop their head in to ask if they could borrow the chair.

Of course a man has to perk up about how women feel post birth..

If the ward had other women in it, then I wouldn’t have wanted strange men in the ward staying over night. Visiting hours is fine, leaving at 9pm, for example.

I'm a midwife and at the Trust I work at, mostly women who have experienced DV or are at risk or vulnerable are identified as early as possible so provisions can be made to accommodate them e.g. staying on the labour ward or in an antenatal room if a private postnatal room isn't available. This then caters for the individual rather than creating a blanket ban for everyone else
Edited to add: for our first baby I was confident I would send my husband home however went into some kind of shock afterwards and begged him to stay. 2nd baby I sent him home asap so I could have a sleep 🤣

Of course they shouldn't.

Have you seen men? FFS.

Similar - I had a c section and would have been very lost without my husband there.

However the man of the woman next to me who went out drinking, came back late with friends after visiting hours and then argued with his partner all night should have been put in a surgical waste incinerator. She was equally awful but I’ll give her a pass for being post birth.

You'd want an aggressive, arrogant man threatening the staff? I mean you do you, but I'd much rather give birth alone....!

It's entirely possible to disagree with the suggestion without being a bullish arsehole.

Would rather everyone had a small private room so that women’s privacy is protected and dads can come in and be with their wives and newborns.

Bit rude. You’ve asked a question and you’re getting responses, this comment didn’t warrant your rudeness

Fortunately my husband could stay overnight with me and I’m so glad he did! I had a c section couldn’t stand up, fainted a few times due to lack of iron. The midwives were nowhere to be seen. I wouldn’t have coped without him. We were in a room of 4 and everyone had their partners staying overnight with me.

Men should be able to stay until 9pm at the latest then sent home. Wards are busy enough without extra people in them. I say this as the mother of 3 DC. My youngest is 15 now though and I think the father's staying all the time option must have happened after this. It wouldn't have occurred to me that my DH should stay all night and I wouldn't have liked it if other men were there overnight when I had arse to elbow stitches, shuffling to the toilet bleeding down my trousers.

There's nothing about threatening anyone. Going to a solicitor is seeking a legal solution

When I had my first visitors were allowed 9am-9pm which was a bit of a shock being moved down at 9:30 and having to say bye at the doors and not having any help with bags etc.

Now our hospital allows fathers to stay over night and theirs mixed reviews. Some people love it but other hated it. For me if all comes down to how respectful people are and aware of others.

He made a “YABVVU” comment or something similar. Firstly, I didn’t post in AIBU and secondly, I didn’t even mention my opinion in the post, so I can’t have been unreasonable. I just cast the question to see what others thought.

Don’t get me started on the “hearing from my solicitors” comment. 😂

They should be allowed during the day but should leave at say 8 pm. It's ridiculous they are allowed to stay overnight.

No one needs a solicitor here, what we need is a bouncer/police to kick out any aggressive or bullying beings out of the ward in order keep the place safe. I’ve witnessed some not very pleasant people on the wards and they needed wheeling out by the police. The staff in the NHS are worth their weight in gold.

😂

Fair point, fair point.

No

So we are allowed to make comments like this are we? If men said same we'd be up in arms at the misogyny .

There’s absolutely no need to be so rude. I completely agree with him. They’d be hearing from my solicitors as well.

I agree that partners (male or female) should head home for the night, purely because wards can’t cater for additional people and new mothers and fathers both need their sleep.

As for male partners visiting, totally batshit to think they shouldn’t be allowed. When I had my DC I had both sets of GPs (4), and both my stepparents (2), my half sister, my best friend, father’s two sister, his best friend and his BFs father all come to visit us in hospital. It was joyful and most other mothers in the ward had the same.

Yes to visits.

Absolutely no to overnight.

Well if people are disruptive but not caring husbands clearly

Yes, the same men that were plenty good enough to shag and get knocked up with in the first place.

I agree with this. I dont think men should be allowed to stay overnight not in a bay with other mums.