Should men be allowed on post-natal wards?

[Kibble19]

This is off the back of another thread from a woman who is very concerned about the presence of unknown men on the post-natal ward at hospital.

I had my child during the pandemic so have no experience of normal practices in post-natal wards, and I appreciate they may vary from Trust to Trust.

When I had my baby, I was on the post-natal ward for several days (PPH, sepsis pathway joy). There were three visiting times each day, one hour each. Partners had to call the ward the day before to book their slot the next day, for social distancing purposes. I had no choice but to just manage on my own, as did the other women there.

Should we have a system like that (minus the need to book your visit) instead of the very wide open hours that many hospitals seem to have? Specific hours for visiting (with all visitors gone by, say, 7pm) only? No men or family members overnight?

1 in 4 women in England & Wales has suffered domestic abuse, so there must be many women who are anxious about the presence of men when they’ve had their baby.

Our hospital gave us the option to pay for our own room on the ward which had somewhere for DH to sleep next to me. I’m not sure if they were allowed on the open ward overnight or not. But I do know that I was exhausted, in pain and terrified of looking after a baby on my own that first night. I certainly didn’t get checked on by nurses more often than every 6 hours or so. I know I would have got through it if I had no choice but it would have been pretty awful without DH there. Why would you want take that support away?

9pm is quite late especially when you're unwell! On most wards visiting often ends at 8pm.

Whilst still on oxygen and on delivery a day after the birth I was visited by family and DH had stayed with me. When they finally unhooked me from the machines, DH was allowed to help me in the shower. I was so weak, I couldn't stand. I was very grateful for loads of visitors for us all when we were in the ward.

I had to stay on the post natal ward when poorly on 3 occasions during my pregnancy, I’m currently 37 weeks. I wasn’t woken up by a woman or baby once, I was woken up by men on FaceTime/watching TikTok’s at least once a night. I think they should be allowed to stay but there needs to be strict rules in place so that other patients can rest and recover. I kept my curtains closed during my entire stays and had a couple of men just walk in apparently by accident and one man leaning so far back into my bay that the curtain was open, instead of moving or apologising he kept trying to initiate conversation with me, I was so poorly I wasn’t confident enough to tell him where to go.

What? Of course they should! Most mothers don’t stay in more than one night if that. But I had a section and my second baby was in NICU for three days. I needed my DH.

They absolutely should be allowed to visit during the day but I don’t think overnight stays are necessary or, indeed, appropriate. When I had my eldest, it was at the tail end of Covid restrictions and so DH was only allowed 2 hours a day visiting. I had a C-section and stayed two nights, plus the hospital was horrendously understaffed, so that was hideous. I just had to do everything myself, no other option. I’d have loved to have had DH with me.
More recently, with my youngest, visiting hours were 10am - 7pm for your nominated person (in most cases, the father) with 3pm - 5pm for an extra two. I thought that worked well.

Yes, I think they should be allowed.

I sent my DP home the night DS was born for a few reasons. 1) I selfishly wanted DS all to myself for a little while to establish feeding, and really just to stare at him all night; 2) DP snores and I didn’t want him to wake anyone; 3) someone needed to see to the dog, and nobody else was available to help as it was Christmas.

Big mistake! I had an EMCS and was in terrible pain when the anaesthetic wore off, got stuck sideways on my bed with my baby in the middle of the night whilst trying to put him back in his bassinet, and couldn’t get out of the position we were in. My call bell was out of reach because of where I’d ended up in the bed, and it was actually the husband of the lady opposite who heard me asking for help. He put my baby back in his bassinet and then went to get the midwife to come and help me.

So yes, 1000% there should be a support partner allowed on the ward at any time, regardless of sex.

Women don't sexually assault, harass, beat up, rape or murder men so it's not comparing apples with apples is it? Men hurt women EVERY SINGLE DAY in huge numbers. Don't even bother coming back to tell me that women can commit DV and murder etc as we all know the massive difference there is the statistics.

If no partners are allowed then they need more nursing/support staff. The eight hours my partner wasn't there were horrible - no-one answered the buzzer, when they did appear to do obs they told me off for having the baby in bed (hours post c section, not up to getting up and down easily), and the poor woman opposite me with twins was in tears all night. When I needed the loo and hobbled out to the nurses station to ask them to hold my baby, they told me to leave him in the cot by my bed while I went. Not safe or caring at all.

The idea of a lovely quiet, peaceful space for women and babies only sounds wonderful, but it's far from the reality.

You cast the question to see what others thought…. And that is what he thought. He obviously wouldn’t agree with no men on the wards

And the mothers? Who are recovering? Do their wishes and needs come before or after yours?

Women and their rights i think some take it to far now.
All men are looked at like they are criminals or perverts and some dont have to do anything.

Side rant i was on a train today and fell flat on my arse my own fault a man looked the other way as if he didnt see me.
As soon as i got up like a jack in the box he said you ok love me yes of course.
My sister said well he could have come helped you i said well most men get blamed nowdays for even looking i dont blame him for looking away.

Glad you had a good experience with having visitors as well, I was really grateful to see how many people loved us, was grateful for the extra pairs of hands and having my partner near me to help me.

Now, when I got home, I didn’t want the visitors so much! 😅 But having my partner and loved ones with me in hospital when I was most weak and vulnerable really helped after what was a bit of a traumatic birth.

Which rights have we taken too far?

Problem is that a minority of idiots ruin it for the rest, making the experience unpleasant and at times threatening. No one should take offence at the OP, as she does raise an important issue.

This isn't a black and white issue that isn't helped by blanket statements either way.

Some women absolutely need the support of their partner/mum/sister-in-law following birth. For physical, emotional, psychological, social support. For the majority this will be the male father of their baby. Others can manage without. Plus, the father/non-birthing partner is (for many) an integral part of that family unit, and that child's development.

However, some women will be much better off in an environment without men about, many women who have experienced sexual assault or violence will never disclose it. So trauma aware and informed practice is important, including in the design of services and provision of spaces on wards where there are no men. This isn't about villifing all men as sexual predators but recognising the real-life, lived experiences some (maybe most?) women, and recognising the perinatal period as a particularly vulnerable time.

So, in an ideal world some way of individualising care in terms of whether partners stay, while protecting those who do not want be in proximity to men would be ideal. Finding out what is most important to women- having their partner with them even if it means being in proximity to other partners, or having a space free of partners, or male partners.

Practically, perhaps having partner free or female only partner bays. Or separate wards (in bigger hospitals). Or, what we did in COVID/post COVID times, side rooms for women who needed a partner to stay (significant mental health, twins, baby on NICU etc) and asking the partner to be respectful of other women on the ward by staying in the room as much as possible outside of visiting hours.

It's something we as maternity care staff think about a lot too. Many of us try our absolute best. We remind partners to be respectful, we ask partners to leave if they're not. We try to accommodate women where we think is best, and move them if need be (and there is somewhere to move them). In our hospital though we are also working with a building decades old and no longer fit for purpose, and with not enough staff. Yes this is absolutely a problem and it isn't right, but please don't blame those of us on the front line. We do the best with what we have.

I sent my DH when I had DD and I hated having other men on the ward. I was trying to figure out breastfeeding and the bloke sitting next to the bed opposite me kept looking over which was really uncomfortable for me. I tried to keep the curtains closed round the bed but the nurses kept whipping them open to do checks and forgetting to close them again. At one point I had blood running down my legs while I stood outside the toilet waiting for a man to finish using it, with other men I didn’t know wandering around the ward.

a post natal ward is for women and their babies, men do not belong there.

Completely agree. Obviously given potential DA/DV, I think all mothers can ask for the father not to be allowed without security present but otherwise I think they should be allowed anytime from 7-lights out. If rowdy or similar then security should be called.
When I had my DD in 2015, Daddy was allowed to stay all day from after breakfast until 9pm and immediately after I had DD at 00:10, he was allowed to sleepover with us in the ward for the rest of that night and was given a folding bed like I am whenever DD is in overnight in the children’s ward.

I don’t think you can really say whether you support my view or not given that you’ve completely misrepresented it. So, assuming you’re posting in good faith, you must have failed to comprehend it.

I missed that off of my post above, I was desperate for the toilet the last time I was kept in at 34 weeks. I couldn’t walk to find another off of the ward but one of the Dads staying over decided to use the patient only bathroom for a shower and a shit, I waited desperately for 25 minutes and he had gone in before I needed it so been in longer. There were 6 patients on the ward, he could have easily gone elsewhere considering we couldn’t leave.

If they snore in the ward- defo not allowed to stay 😂🤣 But yes- they should be allowed. My husband was with all the children- but we did have a private room, so he wasn’t on the ward with any mothers/babies.

Typical man, selfish as fuck. They never, ever consider anyone else. Everything is about their needs. 🙄

When I was in hospital after my second baby was born, the woman opposite was desperately ill. She was in no position to do anything let alone look after her baby. Her husband and his father took turns round the clock looking after her and the baby. They were absolutely essential to her. Eventually the hospital found her a private room so I don't know what happened. Hopefully she was OK but without men being allowed overnight, she would have been in a lot more trouble.

So, much as I was a bit uncomfortable in a nightie going back and forth to the loo post C-section with them there, some things are more important.

Exactly this.

Yes, maternity care is absolutely shit and they need to help. It’s also their baby too.