To share my list of things wrong with my DH - feel free to share yours!

[Internationalwomendayheadquarters]

I know I’m not perfect but I’m not sure if I can stay married any longer. Here are some things my DH does that I can’t stand.

1. He told me that he doesn’t want to donate to the RNLI any more as they are picking up migrants in small boats.
2. Told me he hates women’s football.
3. Constantly makes comments about women’s appearance, either while out and about or on TV. This is in front of our two girls and I don’t want them hearing it.
4. Has not made me orgasm in over 2 years as I’ve got the ick.
5. Leaves all our bed sheets yellow all the time as he can’t be bothered to shower more than twice a week. (Has the gross oily back of the head thing that men over 50 get)
6. Times how long the children have for dinner so that they end up forcing their food and have got indigestion once from it.
7. He’s 14 years older than me. He just doesn’t have the positivity any more that he used to. We’ve just been away with friends and he basically didn’t stop moaning the whole time.
8. Never buys a gift for my birthday or anniversary.

What should I do? We started off having a lot in common but now he is more right wing and quite frankly I find his views insufferable and they have really changed the way I feel about him.

How can you sit at the table and allow that to happen ? You are worse in this situation because you know it is wrong and you let him abuse those children . The rest is just more reasons he is a totally disgusting person . Please leave and take your children away from that toxic environment. As for contact I think you need to make sure it is supervised.
I am so angry at you.

He's abusing your children and you just sit and watch?

You tell him what you've said here and tell him that it's not something/he's not someone that you wish to be with if that's how he truly views things and I'd look to divorce.
Chances are if he's 14 years older than you then he's always thought like this deep down and hid it well.

My mum brought me up to not be racist.
When I was an adult I heard her say something I would never say or dream I'd hear her say (while driving, makes no exception) and I was like MUM!!!!
Turns out that when a driver of certain skin cuts her up or something of the like, she referred to the colour of said skin and followed it with wanker smh

Your husband sounds like a proper chauvinist.

Talk to him and if he's not prepared to change, you need to be prepared to make changes xx

Big enough for a body though... 🤭😉

Does he have a military father by any chance? Sounds a bit like a generational cycle type thing with the food.

Whatever it is, you are stronger than you think OP and you must look to get him out of the family home for he sake of you and the kids xx

I second Women's Aid for advice on how to leave him or get him out of the home

Then if that happens you listen to your children when they tell you that they don't want to go to him anymore and you go through legal motions to limit/stop contact or have chaperoned contact

Sorry but this sounds abusive. Please get rid of him. You’ll all be happier without him.

I remember that one! Eurgh

You absolutely should!

@Internationalwomendayheadquarters

He sounds grim, repugnant, vile, and abusive. Leave him. My DH has flaws, and things that piss me off, but nothing like YOUR DH. Don't live a life with this person. He sounds dreadful!

😮
My DP of 15 years when we first got together used to be reliant on mates sorting out a bit of work.
After our first year, I spoke to a customer at work who did his line of work and asked them if they had any vacancies. They said in the new year they would be looking to increase their team and so I got DP to apply and he got the job. Cheeky AF by me but he had to get a stable job as he was living with my mum and I by this point.

The fact he's never told his family about you.... Mate that's not actually ok. How are you ok with it? Why are you with him if you don't mind me asking?

He wasn't like this in the beginning .

Your comment is unnecessary.

He sounds very controlling.You and your family must be walking on egg shells.How does he react when things don't go the way he wants them to?

Wow! I came in to say he leaves his shoes in doorways … but perhaps you need to consider your options!?

Have you tried having a brain 🤔

OP I would struggle to be with a man with the views you expressed in your first couple of points. But I find the eating rules really really disturbing. I would be LTBing over that alone.

I hope you manage to find a way out. Do you have work / access to money?

No no no. None if that is normal (well maybe not liking women’s football but then they are winners so may be showing up the inadequacies of the men’s team).
A friend just left her 30 year marriage as she says she was fed up with walking on egg shells around him. Turns out he was emotionally abusive and a bully. She has no money and no real means of working (she’s over 60 and is undergoing cancer treatment). While her children are adults one has MH problems and cannot live independently. But she’s done it. If she can, you can. Your husband has many intolerable issues which you should not put up with.

That’s a good idea. I have managed to get him work via contacts but it’s always been short term.

to answer the other question - I don’t really know. It’s become a habit. His mum is now in her 90s and he claims she’s proud he’s stayed single and intellectual. I often feel he’s just hiding away with me - but he’s always here so not leading a double life.

That's really unpleasant to hear re what his mum is supposed to have said.
That's as bad as my mum saying that if she had me first she wouldn't have had a second child.

Does he enrich your life in any way?
🫂

I'm sorrt, I have to ask what is the "gross oily back of the head thing that men over 50 get"? I am pretty sure most men over 50 don't get that.

Mr Monkey is over 50 and doesn't. But then he washes himself and his hair at least once a day, often more (he's a regular runner).

He’s practical. Doesn’t drink so always drives. That’s it really. Borrowed time, I think. Thank you so much for your care x

Yes, master.

We're here not necessarily for a long time so we must try and make it a good time.
Don't settle for the rest of your life when you deserve more xx

I prefer mistress but you're welcome 😉

Very very happy not to be married any more. What some women tolerate, and what some poor children experience as a “home” … beggars belief.