To share my list of things wrong with my DH - feel free to share yours!

[Internationalwomendayheadquarters]

I know I’m not perfect but I’m not sure if I can stay married any longer. Here are some things my DH does that I can’t stand.

1. He told me that he doesn’t want to donate to the RNLI any more as they are picking up migrants in small boats.
2. Told me he hates women’s football.
3. Constantly makes comments about women’s appearance, either while out and about or on TV. This is in front of our two girls and I don’t want them hearing it.
4. Has not made me orgasm in over 2 years as I’ve got the ick.
5. Leaves all our bed sheets yellow all the time as he can’t be bothered to shower more than twice a week. (Has the gross oily back of the head thing that men over 50 get)
6. Times how long the children have for dinner so that they end up forcing their food and have got indigestion once from it.
7. He’s 14 years older than me. He just doesn’t have the positivity any more that he used to. We’ve just been away with friends and he basically didn’t stop moaning the whole time.
8. Never buys a gift for my birthday or anniversary.

What should I do? We started off having a lot in common but now he is more right wing and quite frankly I find his views insufferable and they have really changed the way I feel about him.

I thought this was going to be lighthearted such as my dh sings loudly in the shower or plays air guitar at weddings.
Your dh sounds vile. If you are not careful your dcs will repeat this pattern of abuse, just as you have.

By the sounds of it though you don’t actually stand up for them now anyway even though you are there witnessing his horrible behaviour

@Internationalwomendayheadquarters well, we have only been married 7 years so there’s still time for some resentment to fester. Maybe one day I’ll snap and cover all his belongings in stickers. I think you should seek legal advice and bin him off. My mum was kind of weird about food when I was growing up (not as bad as your DH) and it really impacted me. I also didn’t realise how weird I was about food till my DH kind of pointed it out. These things had a massive lasting impact.

I've only known one divorced father actually do 50/50.
My sisters ex husband. A lovely man. She cheated.
Cheer yourself with Rightmove. Find a pretty girly house with your half of the equity. No cocklodgers.
My divorced friends are pretty happy.
I'd never marry again but I know my DH will have a queue when I pop off shortly.
I'll haunt her if she's not nice to him.

The relationship board is full of arse men. They only get worse. There was a 60 year old trying to pull a 35 year old who for him to be interested had to be sterilised. Also wealthy in her own right. Stuff that.
I think I'll run training courses on how to ditch horrible men. There's enough of them around.

I'm the daughter of an abusive man. What your husband is doing is over the line and into abusive. Your line is blurred because you feel it's not as bad as what was done to you. The problem you've got, as is common with people who've been abused, is that your bar for what constitutes abuse is set too high.

He makes your children eat in silence.

Please sit with that for a moment and let it really settle in.

He makes them eat in silence.

It's a power play, OP. It's control. It's weird. It's not normal. We eat as a family every evening and have done for years. No time limit. Good manners expected, but we all chat and it's lovely. No-one slams down their cutlery or storms off from the table, or makes us eat in silence. You're allowed to say if you don't like something without fear of being punished for it. That's what normal looks like.

All the other shit aside, this alone is an enormous red flag. How do you think your children will feel, twenty years from now? How will they feel about him? Will they still be in contact? How will they feel about you, if you sit back and let it continue?'

It can be better than what we experienced and still completely shit.

Heres a few

leaves fridge open and it beeps and only i can hear it

takes half the washing out the machine to put on airer and leaves half in the washer

pees on the seat 😩

uses my razor & nail clippers

puts things away that I leave out so i don't forget - then I forget

goes through my phone

can't lie still in bed - moves all night long!

drinks too much

pees in the garden if he has a drink and can't be bothered to go upstairs 😫

goes in the kitchen and makes his own food without asking if i want anything

when i leave something cooking in the kitchen he interferes and put spices or pepper in it, which i don't like and thinks I don't notice

says he doesn't want any of the food I am cooking then proceeds to eat half of it

goes in a mood if i'm not in the mood

jumps to conclusions because he thinks he knows everything

doesn't spend money, and chases me for money that I owe him 😂

is always moody

HE IS ALWAYS RIGHT

I should just leave to be honest..............

This.

he sounds vile. I’d end the relationship.

The rushed dinner thing is awful 😞. My ex used to bolt his food down then leave me to sit alone with 2 toddlers taking ages to eat their food while he watched TV in the other room. This used to annoy me, but it’s nowhere near as bad as making the kids force their food down in 20 minutes. This has to stop.

Oh my god @theressomanytinafeysicouldbewhat have I just read! He sounds like a fucking nightmare!

Imagine your kids present you with this list regarding their spouse in the future
... follow the advice you'd want them to take.

I came onto this page thinking it would be funny things. Absolutely none of that is okay and be really risks giving your children issues with eating. Please seriously consider getting support to leave if you can, they don’t deserve to grow up with that sort of stress on them.

my list also contains a soap dodger and the yellowing sheets you mention.

also - highly educated and clever but doesn’t have a job. Waits to be offered a bit of building work from someone he knows.

no pension.

has never told his mum or siblings about me. We’ve been together nine years.

@Internationalwomendayheadquarters timing your children eating is abusive behaviour. I wonder if there are other things that he is doing that you don't percieve as abusive due to your father's behaviour. You are in a difficult position and probably need outside help and advice.

Well we can help you: it is absolutely not okay to force children to eat in a fixed timeframe. It is absolutely abusive.

I thought this too.
DH can't possibly sort washing. I still make him do it. But honestly the DCs are way better.

Well, you chose him and chose to have children with him. Do you know the reason why you chose someone who you don't respect? It would be the first step, I think: self-reflection and understanding of your own choices.

They’ll know they have a safe place with you though op, and at the moment they don’t have if he lives there too. Hes abusive to the dc.

Just one of those things would spell the end for me. My DH's worst habits (dripping pee on the bathroom floor, being untidy, snapping at the DC when he's tired) pale into insignificance next to these.

My DH is turning into a miserable old bugger, but he's not as bad as yours. The timed meals thing would have had me telling him to fuck off, would not stand for that.

Other things mine does.

• Fills the dishwasher and doesn't turn it on.
• Never turns off lights.
• Leaves things to soak all the time.
• Gets road rage.
• Snaps at the children over really small things.
• Has zero patience, can't just wait for anything.
• Buys LOADS of clothes all the time and returns 90%. Our house looks like a sorting office.
• Puts virtually empty products back in the fridge / cupboard.
• Hoards pointless shit like ancient receipts, power cords, instructions manuals, magazines, his old school work (?). I've told him I dont know what he's saving it for because if he dies first it's going straight in a skip.

• Can't leave the house without faffing for fucking ages.
• Disappears to do little chores as I'm serving dinner.

Sorry what? This is all terrible. You can’t live like that. Your poor kids.