Common assumptions some Mumsnetters jump to

[Darkdiamond]

I find that there are certain trigger words that seem to elicit a certain type of response on Mumsnet.

If someone asks about sleep training, many posters assume that the OP is referring to cry it out, with endless posts about sleep training is just 'teaching a baby that nobody will come when they cry'. This is in spite of the many different ways of sleep training, many of which involve the parent staying with the child or very close by.

I've also seen a few times that posters who take an interest in current trends are perceived as simpletons who take all of their existing clothes and burn them on a big pyre, then replace the lot with a massive haul from shien, every year. No concept of adding in new pieces here and there to adapt to your current wardrobe.

Finally I've also noticed the misconception that it takes half an hour to do your make up in the morning, and many posters would rather have that extra 30 minutes in bed. I've seen posters explain time and again that it takes them 5 minutes to put make up on, but the myth that the poster gets up at 5 am to do her make up because it's so time consuming persists.

Just a little musing I thought of recently. Anyone else notice common conclusions you see people jump to on mumsnet? I'm sure gentle parenting is another!

That romance and love = prude

That having children wasn't a strategic plan, with everything in place - house, pension, savings prior to doing so.

That Santa is some new American abomination

Lol agree. Ltb. Also another theme...go NC.

Every single mother in law is in the wrong. Always.

That everyone spent Covid either furloughed and home schooling their children, or learning a new skill and redecorating their entire house from scratch.
That everyone works a normal office job with normal office hours and has weekends off.
That everyone lives somewhere with public transport.
That all men are bastards (actually, I rather fall into this trap myself) and that all dogs are savage and untrained and just waiting for the opportunity to attack either you or your children.

I've another one. Misogyny. If you dislike or disagree with a certain person who happens to be female, it's because you just hate women. There were threads were people who disagreed with Kamala Harris during the election, and who weren't on Blake Lively's side during her current lawsuit, were accused of mysogony. Even worse is being accused of being a misogynist who is brainwashed by social media. God forbid us women just make up our own minds with the facts we have evaluated ourselves.

That every issue with the MIL should be sorted out by the husband. I much prefer to discuss direct with her.

I can entirely understand not wanting to read or partake in the discussions on the sex board but since it’s so very easy to not read them or actively become involved, I’m really not sure what the problem is! If I was to describe a woman who only got enjoyment out of very ‘tame’ (for want of a better word) sex as ‘boring’, ‘prudish’, ‘pearl clutching’ etc I would quite rightly be out of order (I don’t think that by the way), but it’s perfectly fine it seems for those women to call me ‘gross’, ‘disgusting’, or a ‘man’.

But did they specifically state non white immigrants?

Or are you just assuming that all immigrants aren't white?

I was going to say this. And the idea there is a host of people out there looking to get stuff ironed.

That they're the first person to suddenly notice that Christmas in the shops seems to happen early. It has done for decades!!!

Not assumption but just incorrect or outdated advice- go to A and E if you're having suicidal thoughts or struggling with your MH. Nope. Call 111 and press the MH option. Call an ambulance if there is imminent risk but don't go to A and E.

Call the MH crisis team if you've run out of medication - again, no.

Call woman's aid if your ex is refusing to pay spousal maintenance or being difficult around divorce finances - no, Woman's aid isn't a generic helpline for women, it's a charity for victims of domestic abuse.

Call the RSPCA to collect an injured wild animal - nope, they're a charity to prevent cruelty to animals, not a wildlife service.

Because I do have a disabled DC (severely physically and non verbal) I find assumptions (and it’s obviously not all MN users) stand out to me on these topics:

That a child who makes excessive noise is your problem alone to resolve and you are a curse to your neighbours and are not trying hard enough and are selfish- especially when a child absolutely cannot comprehend any measures you take to stop it (this is not one of my problems yet but I can imagine it).

That respite exists for disabled children - its council dependent, there isn’t even private options and area dependent.

Seeing this more and more - that benefits are a “golden egg” so if you have any benefits for disabilities you think you are special but really are the ultimate drain on hard working people.

That cars for disabled people are free (again it’s definitely not everybody who thinks that).

That because you are a high earner and healthy that you will never be in receipt of benefits- this assumption underlies a lot of bollox spouted about the so-called collapse of UK economy (as opposed to say the collapse of the economy historically from banks and speculative bankers crashing the economy and adding in tax dodgers and Brexit). Thankfully again it isn’t everyone who thinks this.

That immigration “problems” started recently- I started working in civil service immigration roles in 2005. The same issues existed then. The same lack of solutions existed then too.

Lots of black and white thinking on Mumsnet inc LTB and going NC (or VLC if there is an inheritance involved). Also, not everyone who disagrees with an OP can be a toxic narcissist.....

Agreed, also all mil are narcissists, all men are misogynists. I now hate those words because of mumsnet, they are overused and most of the time used incorrectly 😂

A deer ran into the side of my car and I called the sspca because it was injured. They came out. What else was i to do? I couldn't bring it home to nurse it. Should I have left in pain to die a painful lingering death?

That everyone over the age of 50 bought a house cheaply and it’s increased in value by ten times.

That's so inefficient and wasteful. All laundry in our house is separated into colours. All the bedding is light or white and so are most of the towels. When DD is home she puts her laundry into the laundry basket to be washed.

I have another one - kick out older teenagers/young adults - usually said by people who have no idea how brutal the rental market is now and that young people need a guarantor and no decent landlord will rent to anyone under 18.

That everyone has thousands in savings, never any debt and pays a huge amount into their pension every month. I always used to think I was doing ok until I joined MN. To be honest, it makes me feel quite panicky and depressed, and now I definitely worry about money more than I used to!

That everyone has spare bedrooms.
That everyone has a garden.
I have neither of those.

That disagreeing is judging

That having a couple of drinks at the weekend or occasionally (maybe holidays or birthdays) makes you a raging alcoholic.

That a lone parents struggling with childcare can get an au pair or will use an unknown babysitter for emergencies.

Conversely, that having a bottle of wine a day is fine, everyone does it, and anyone who says otherwise is a judgey-mcjudgey-pants.

I know you mean ‘affair’ and this was a typo but I agree with you 100%. My husband had a female colleague he got on well with, though I’d never met her. I knew it was just a workplace thing. They only met up outside work for Christmas or leaving dos (she was essentially a single mother, she was married but he wasn’t around much) but if they did I knew I could trust him.

similarly I met a good male friend at work who I met outside work and kept in contact once we’d both left. He lived locally and became friends with both of us and they used to go to football together. Unfortunately he died a couple of years back but the relationship was definitely platonic.

Also that everyone is going to need millions of pounds in their pension in order to be able to afford to live in any way at all once retired.

I am going to be on very little more than a state pension, but looking at what I spend now, I'm going to be fine. Not everyone needs a foreign holiday a year, a new car every three years or to pay for all their offspring's offspring to go to private school.