Common assumptions some Mumsnetters jump to

[Darkdiamond]

I find that there are certain trigger words that seem to elicit a certain type of response on Mumsnet.

If someone asks about sleep training, many posters assume that the OP is referring to cry it out, with endless posts about sleep training is just 'teaching a baby that nobody will come when they cry'. This is in spite of the many different ways of sleep training, many of which involve the parent staying with the child or very close by.

I've also seen a few times that posters who take an interest in current trends are perceived as simpletons who take all of their existing clothes and burn them on a big pyre, then replace the lot with a massive haul from shien, every year. No concept of adding in new pieces here and there to adapt to your current wardrobe.

Finally I've also noticed the misconception that it takes half an hour to do your make up in the morning, and many posters would rather have that extra 30 minutes in bed. I've seen posters explain time and again that it takes them 5 minutes to put make up on, but the myth that the poster gets up at 5 am to do her make up because it's so time consuming persists.

Just a little musing I thought of recently. Anyone else notice common conclusions you see people jump to on mumsnet? I'm sure gentle parenting is another!

I think people want to herd you into the extremes so you fit in their tribe or not.

i breast fed mine for 3 years each but went back to work full time after 1 year and they had bottles in the day. I used disposable nappies and bought a mix of wooden and plastic toys.

I had full class parties at play centres some years and small ‘at home with cousins’ ones other years.

Im not a big consumer or obsessed with clothes but have worn light makeup every day since my teens (I’m pale which I love but look ill without makeup) and home dye my hair and always will.

I love all of the sporty and arty things with my kids (museums, galleries, sports events) but do allow screens and consider films and programmes ‘culture too’.

I find it frustrating that people put you into a box and then ‘fight’ that you are that type of person on here.

One thing I find impossible to discuss on here is a balanced approach to screentime for tweens. It’s all polar opposite opinions whereas in real life I don’t see this

If a woman claims to have been abused by a man then she's believed and the perpetrator is a monster.

If a woman claims to have been abused by another woman - mother, daughter, sister, friend - then she's believed and the perpetrator is a monster.

If a man claims to have been abused by a woman then he's lying, exaggerating, and/or he did something to make her do that and her reaction is understandable and to be excused.

Nope, not just strangulation.

That everyone can LTB immediately and has somewhere to go immediately and many friends and family to support them through LTB.

The reality is that not everyone has somewhere to go especially if pets or DC are involved, and don't always have friends and family. Let alone the means or money to leave.

@RainSoakedNights@HelpMeGetThrough@NameChangedOfc

And I also see that opposite to that, where the poster’s get more and more competitive with how young their kids are - but how independent.

X makes his own packed lunch. He’s 10.
Y does her own washing. She’s 8.
Z makes his own dinner. He’s 7.
A can make a roast dinner for 6 people. He’s 5.
B walks to school by herself. She’s 4.
C does a paper round. He’s 3.

You get the idea!

If you spend a lot on your children at Christmas, you’re somehow common and tacky.

That everyone can find and afford a therapist or just move house.

Women must never date a man who already has children, and if she does, she and her whole family must unconditionally love and treat his children as though they are hers. They must never do anything without his children being included as equals to any other family children.

Yes, it’s crazy!!! People seem to want their children out of the house as soon as possible.

I only have one friend who is in a position to buy a house. She got a job as a probation officer in January of 2020, to begin when we graduated uni in the summer of 2020.

Obviously Covid then hit, she worked one day as her induction and was immediately furloughed. But all the while the clock was ticking for her experience etc., so she was getting raises while not doing a lot. She saved for those two years of lockdowns and good for her! But she’s definitely an outlier

That every problem can be fixed with counselling. If the poster states they are already in counselling then PP's will go on to say well try couples/individual counselling aswell. I would love to know where all these counsellors are to treat ALL the users of mumsnet and their partners/family.

That every poster is married. Even when the OP has stated otherwise, cue comments like where's your DH in all this? Divorce and take him to the cleaners, etc.

Edited to add- The commenters who claim a mother absolutely can't move on after a split from their child's dad until the DC leave home but is told to accept it because they have to right to say anything when the dad is on to introducing girlfriend number 8.

It’s always get a ‘shit hot lawyer’.

Yeah, like a post could be about how financially broke you are but here comes the get yourself into therapy, hire the most expensive lawyer, go to a hotel and get some space for the night brigade 🤣

That driving is a "life skill".

That any kind of unconventional behaviour (even wearing unconventional clothes or accessories) is "attention seeking".

That every member of the household should be doing their own laundry.

If a man is being described as a complete inconsiderate selfish nasty bastard .... that OP is telling full truth of their relationship and not omitting all the times she herself behaved like a psychotic malicious bitch.

It's not relevant in my life now, but back in the day... if your child is misbehaving only one of 2 things on MN could be true:

1. child has undiagnosed special needs and school / others are unsympathetic bastards for not helping/ supporting you

/or/

1. you are a terrible possibly completely useless parent and everyone is entitled to be angry at you for your child's bad behaviour

Nothing inbetween (sigh). I dunno what it's like on MN now for parents of 'difficult' kids. I hope not as painful as I found it 10-15 yrs ago.

Unless the kids are teenagers of course. Then the kids are probably just terrible in spite of perfect lovely parents.

Oh wow I've never seen that!

I think a lot of posters, me included, don’t really like the sex boards for this reason. It isn’t about being a prude, it’s just that it definitely attracts a certain type of poster and this then seeps into the main boards. That’s not a reflection on you, but since you put a question mark there I assume you want an honest answer. I don’t like the sex topic and I don’t really care for those who do. But that’s off topic I realise.

Oh yes, this. I have teenagers and don't make them do their own laundry. I am also not remotely worried about their ability to figure out how to use a washing machine once they leave home. The heresy!

No it’s the same and your child doesn’t even need to be difficult, just having a bad time / day. My son went through a horrible phase at three years old and MN decided he definitely had autism and roasted me for not ‘taking him to the GP and starting the process of a diagnosis.’ Thank god I didn’t!

Yes this. Fact is the women with a positive attitude to sex and healthy relationship history tend not to be the ones on MN.

That if your husband is friends with a female colleague he's most definitely having an affordable and to start getting your ducks in a row

That the answer to every situation is to be immediately as assertive as possible. I have a dilemma and could do with some good advice, but I know the thread will just be a list of the ways in which I am supposed to assert my dominance over someone who's being a bit of a cheeky fucker, but the situation is far more nuanced and nothing to do with territorial pissing or me being weak.

It's just not worth having to say that over and over. Kind of disheartening.

If you actually iron your clothes you have a sad, miserable life. ‘Life is too short to iron’

That the child maintenance service will make them pay. Not when they jump jobs every six months the. Move house and change phone numbers they can’t.

That men watching porn is absolutely fine, but only if it’s free. If they’ve been on OnlyFans it’s LTB time. So I’m guessing it’s the money that’s the problem rather than the objectification of women’s bodies to wank over?

Mine are dog ones, because the level of hatred for dogs, particularly big dogs, on MN, is totally disproportionate to the reality of what we experience in life.

On MN, any dog bigger than a Labrador is going to kill your children. Even if it's being walked on a lead and is as quiet as a mouse. It's still dangerous for looking big and scary. And it must be a Bully XL, because all huge/massive dogs are bullies.

Any dog bigger than a Labrador is a status dog, owned by a drug dealing meathead, because nobody could possibly want a dog that size as a pet.

Every pet dog is smelly, slobbery, jumps up at people and poos/wees 24 hours a day. It's also referred to as a "furbaby" and was bought from a puppy farm during covid. It gets dragged around John Lewis and spends the rest of the day in a cafe.

edited for typo