How many hours did you work after going back from maternity leave?

[twoorthreeorfour]

My contract is changing to 3 days, 22.5 hours. I wondered what other people do. If you reduced your hours, at what point did you go full time again?

And all of this is any of your personal business because? …

No thanks- you don’t get to force your own views on me!

Look, it’s ok if you never found a meaningful job.

Dumping your kids off with strangers all day in institutions which do not meet the emotional or health needs of babies/toddlers just so Mummy can swan off unencumbered back to her Very Important Job is not putting your children first actually. I wouldn’t leave a dog in some places people leave their children. I see people care more attentively to pets these days!

Ha I actually had a career I enjoyed without children, used to be the breadwinner in fact. I still choose home every time! It just doesn’t compare, it’s way, way better.

Sounds like you’ve got a job you enjoy, so why you care what others do or why it’s actually any of your business is another matter really.

My children are my greatest success (they are now in their mid 20’s) but I can multitask with having a career. DT’s went to an amazing nursery - two of the staff became our weekly babysitters and I’m still in touch with the owner.

Ah yes, that lovely time when married women weren't allowed to work or own property, racism and homophobia flourished and corporal punishment for children was encouraged. How wonderful.

Wow. Your post is dripping with judgement and disdain.

I agree!

DH and I having successful careers has enabled us to fund private schooling for DT’s, pay their University costs, driving lessons and help in buying their first homes.

For DH and I, we have benefited by being able to retire in our mid 50’s.

OP it’s up to you what you do at the end of the day.

On Mumsnet, all you will hear is go back to work FT, you must do everything identically to your DH or you are a bad person, Nurseries are amazing.

Nurseries are not. Do your research. Consider the following:

• Data shows they are harmful for under 2’s, mixed for 2-3’s, beneficial for over 3’s. Higher cortisol emissions caused by stress caused by long hours away from a mother are so damaging to a baby’s brain development. The government pushing 9 month old babies attending them like an older child attends school is diabolical and not informed by what us best for the child.
• Health-wise, it is not normal for babies and toddlers to constantly be battered by ear infections, hand foot and mouth, conjunctivitis, RSV, covid, bronchitis. These all increase in frequency and duration the longer they are mixing with others of the same age with naturally poorer hygiene skills. None of mine had these things and certainly were not hospitalised with them.
• None of the above is good for immune system development, that’s an utter lie. Their immune systems are under developed and ill equipped to cope, being under constant stress is not good. It’s a lie they then get loads at school- mine didn’t, they were older and so naturally better able to cope. You do not have to inflict constant illness on a baby/toddler, IMO it’s highly neglectful.
• Naps- would you prefer to sleep in freshly washed sheets and sleeping bag cuddled and sang to sleep or try to sleep whilst x number of other babies are screaming the place down? Horrendous!
• Babies do not need over stimulating socialisation. They need warm, consistent, attentive care from their mother ideally (there really is no beating mum- your voice, your smell, your touch), failing that Dad failing that a nanny/childminder who is consistent. High turnover of staff is detrimental.
• Data shows higher accidents recently due to understaffing/worse ratios etc.

Basically, use a Nursery and look forward to 3 years of your whole family being constantly ill, work being interrupted anyway by calls to collect your ill child, you and DH both feeling more stressed, your baby’s eating and sleeping routines being horrendously disrupted and then ending up clingier (a secure attachments breeds independence, not trying to force it before they are developmentally ready).

It’s about time lies stopped being touted as facts and as superior to having a Stay-at-Home Mum.

The issue is that it isn’t one parent, it’s mothers. It would be more equal if a father was just as likely to be a SAHP.

Children were certainly better behaved and less entitled than nowadays. Not pumped full of drugs either!

is it seen as a superior option? I don’t think it is.

i do think it depends on the child. Studies have shown it can be beneficial in some circumstances. It can assist neurodivergent children to learn social cues, peer interaction and to follow instruction. It is a benefit in lower income areas where families may not have resources for educational inputs etc.

one of mine benefited massively. She was a very physical child who needed constant input- she loved nursery and the messy play, imaginative play, day trips, physical activities etc. the other not so much, she liked being at home so we reduced her hours as much as possible. She still talks positively about her time at nursery though.

the talk about “institutional and “dumping” kids at nursery, and not being suitable for dogs is pure bollocks. Yes some are not great, but some are, and as with everything do your real search and find a childcare setting that suits your children. Like I said, both of mine, now adults, still speak about nursery, the staff and what they used to enjoy.

Ooh you can’t say you have more money in case you upset a SAHP!

They aren’t allowed to say they have more time to watch their children grow up, so it’s only fair!

I took 3 months off and went back FT

I actually use a nursery for my children and what you’ve described isn’t accurate in my experience at all. It’s funny how the ‘nursery experts’ who are often against nurseries have never used them.

Full time immediately.

I talk to plenty who have. So they are lying? The constant illnesses, stress and clinginess of their poor babies has only confirmed what I knew anyway. You couldn’t pay me to use one.

Depends on your circumstances. Childcare and financial reasons. I've always worked full time now I work 30 hours per Monday to Friday 8.30-2.30. So I can do school drop off and pick ups. If I worked 35 hours I would only get paid for 32.5 taking away unpaid breaks. So not worth the hassle off struggling for childcare. I'm lucky enough my mum has my youngest daughter over half terms and summer holidays. So that suits my lifestyle atm. When my daughters old I will go back to ft.

Me too. DC was 16 weeks old

Unless you home school, whether you work or not, you don’t see your children during the day. They are then at after school activities, so little difference in the time you spend with them

They spend all of their time with them until school and increasing numbers actually are home educating. Without wraparound, that’s an extra 5 hours a day/25 hours a week minimum extra for family time. Complete flexibility. I speak to so many Mums who are like ‘my DC can’t have friends round because I work, my DC can’t do x activity because it doesn’t suit my work day’- No thanks to any of that! We are free!

I've done the research thanks and what you are presenting isn't entirely correct.
Childcare isn't harmful for babies, it's actually neutral. The quality of the childcare provider is actually the most important factor here.
Do you know what is the most detrimental factor in predicting a child's future success? Poverty.

And from a personal perspective, our experience of nursery looked nothing like what you've described here.

You have chosen to be a SAHP parent and that is absolutely fine. But there is no need to be so nasty and judgemental about those who choose a different life.

We visited loads of nurseries before deciding on the one we wanted to use - had to put our names down when I was still pregnant.

Our nursery didn’t resemble your description. We wouldn’t have used one like that. How many have you visited?

I work about 26 hours across 3 days, although 1 of those “days” is very flexible and can be done across the week. I earn pretty well, I’m in a niche which is currently in demand, and I was very senior when I started having children. I would be much more senior and have an awful lot more money if I worked full time, but I like having a balance of high quality time with my children during the day and after school, and also time when they’re out that I use for chores as well as for rest, relaxation and exercise. I saw my mother totally at the edge with her responsibilities as I grew up, and the effects of that are evident on her health now (and were then too, tbh). My husband and I have good life insurance so if one of us loses our income then the other can afford to work very little, if at all, in the aftermath. Having 3 children is a lot - pregnant or breastfeeding for nearly 6 consecutive years, and I think it’s horribly sexist to expect a woman to work full time during (or after that) as if they’re a man. Equality does not mean doing everything 50/50, it means respecting both parents time, health and contribution to the household. I appreciate that not everyone’s circumstances permit part time work, but I also think there are a lot of men out there who don’t appreciate or respect what the mother of their children goes through.