How many hours did you work after going back from maternity leave?

[twoorthreeorfour]

My contract is changing to 3 days, 22.5 hours. I wondered what other people do. If you reduced your hours, at what point did you go full time again?

I do get UC. I've got savings as I'm good with money. I don't spend anything on myself. I only spend it on them.

I would have regretted it - I had a career I had worked hard to get and wanted to progress up the ladder. DT’s didn’t miss out on time with DH or I.

I would have massively regretted all the lost time with my children, who are only young once. A person matters more to me than a job!

I went back 4 days (30hrs) and haven’t returned to full time yet (DD is almost 6) because I like 4 days but also there’s no budget to increase me.

I would have massively regretted staying home as I have no interest in spending 24/7 with my child, I'm still my own person even after having kids. I love my career, my social life at work, the money from working to be able to work.

Everyone is different

Please don't justify how you spend it. You are allowed to spend it on yourself/however you see fit. That wasn't my point. I'm glad UC exists as my Mum was a single Mum and we'd have been so poor without gov help and I dread to think how bad life would have been without it. I was trying to highlight sometimes it's just not that black and white. Whilst your choices are valid and worthwhile given your circumstances, you have some support that others can't access, and perhaps have significantly different influencing factors too. Therefore their "choice" to work FT is just as valid. Honestly wasn't a dig. I just know from experience, when my friend dumped her partner, she ended up better off (he was useless and contributed not a lot) financially doing PT work with UC and gov support with childcare.

It just isn't the same for everyone. That's all.

And others are more than happy to dedicate their time to their children. I’m extremely happy with my choices so don’t feel the need to keep randomly commenting on those who do things differently. It’s always the FT working mothers on here who cannot cope with a woman proudly stating ‘I love being at home and you can keep your careers! I don’t want one, take it, have it!’ 😂

I went back four days (0.8WTE). I changed jobs six months later and had to go up to 0.9WTE but stayed on four days. DD is about to start school now, and I’m keeping my week day off! Single mum. Helps me get house stuff and jobs done so we can maximise our time together. Appreciate I am ‘lucky’ to have an arrangement that works, shouldn’t be like that, but so often is.

And actually everyone is different, but unfortunately in the UK now all mothers get is ‘have a baby and get back to work’. It’s more important than ever under this level of governmental brain washing and societal pressure that this OP and anyone else asking what others mothers did hears the full breadth of her options, which absolutely includes not returning to work at all.

For heaven’s sake, being able to support yourself and your baby is not ‘governmental brainwashing and societal pressure’, it’s common sense!

Do you think that the same message should be given to new fathers?

Of course the comment is relevant.

Mothers who earn lots of money openly state that they are providing their children with big houses, access to good schools, extra-curricular activities, holidays, etc. I don’t feel bothered or insecure or jump on their comments about that- it’s a fact they can afford more.

It’s also surely obvious that those who want more time at home value time over money (that’s the trade-off, let’s be honest), and obviously have many, many more actual hours to watch their children growing up because they are with them. To suggest that they don’t is lying.

No I don’t actually. The WHO recommends breast feeding for 2 years- fathers can’t do that. Babies are wired to bond to their mothers, not fathers, initially. I’m a women, I’m a mother, I’m not a man or a Dad, nor would I want to be. I’m not a ‘parent’ either, I cross that out on forms and write ‘mother’. I birthed my babies, I breastfed them, not my DH. His role is to provide financially for me and our children and to ensure that I am not prematurely separated from my under -3’s, which he has more than fulfilled. We understand our marital and familial roles in line with the word of God, who trumps any human for me.

My husband’s job is to support me and our young children actually, I wanted and have a husband who understands that thankfully.

21 hours across three days. I doubt I’ll ever go back full time now, at most I will go to 28 across four days. But three days, normal work day length, has been pretty perfect for us.

Strongly disagree. It’s common sense that babies thrive with close contact and an attentive relationship with their own mother actually. It’s common sense and more than obvious my own children are best off being cared by me, I’m irreplaceable to them. At work one is merely a number- how dissatisfying and demotivating.

Well, find a more meaningful job, then. Your child doesn’t need your presence 24/7.

Omg - it’s not the 1950’s!! Comments like this throw back equality. I’ve brought up DS and DD that they can be anything they want and their role isn’t dictated by their gender. They have seen DH and I both working full time and playing an equal role as parents and running the home.

Out of interest, what would happen if your husband couldn’t financially provide for you?

me dad died when I was 7, for example. My friend’s dad had a catastrophic stroke and needed 24 hour care at age 40. Then there’s redundancy, or losing his job for whatever reason. Or he leaves you. It happens even to those who are sure it won’t. Or you need to leave him?

even if your traditional set up works for you, what’s your plan B if it doesn’t?

after watching my mum struggle as a lone parent I swore I would not have kids until I had my own house and was financially able to provide for them. Dh could disappear tomorrow and I’d be Ok, and more importantly, my kids will be ok as I can still house and feed them.

I personally would move my children back into my mother’s home and look to re-marry ASAP. I’d advise my husband to do the same- would hate for him to be alone if I died.

Failing that, if my DH died our home would be instantly paid off, and because we have always lived within our means I would work, but only very few hours within the school day, ideally from home. I also wouldn’t hesitate to ring in sick if the job in anyway interfered with my children’s need for nurture when they are poorly or their school events- my time with them always comes first, and I will ruthlessly ensure that. If the job wasn’t respectful of that I’d claim benefits. Society needs to respect a child’s right to be with their mother.

with my first I dropped from 50 hours to 30. I went back when she was 3 months.
with my second I went to 16 hours when she was 4 months which I did for about a year but then changed career to be a childminder so I worked from home with my kids but I was full time working 50 hours a week.
With my third I went back after 9 months, I dropped from 37 hours to 17.5 hours then due to family issues I dropped to 10 hours which is what I currently work

and you think you’re kids will be fine uprooting them from everything they’ve ever known to move in with your mum. If your mum could even facilitate that.

then you plan to have them live with the first man you can find that will marry you?

all that after a significant bereavement, be it death or divorce.

if your dh lost his job or couldn’t work is the plan the same? Get rid and find someone who can enable you not working?

what happens in your old age when the kids have left home? Once you are no longer responsible for them you won’t get the benefits.

yeah. That is not putting your kids first.

I adore the 1950s. It was certainly the last time mothers and housewives received the societal respect they deserved for their huge caring contributions to their families and their wider communities. The women looked incredible and there were no iPhones. Take me back!

Equality doesn’t have to mean identical either. My DH and I make equal but different contributions to our home, but life would quickly descend into chaos without either of our valuable contributions. Money is not the only way to contribute. We also don’t like or want any involvement from anyone outside our family, people are way too trusting these days!

I agree re gender but I do think the Col shouldn’t impact on one parent choosing to be main care giver until children go to school. I dislike the way nursery is seen as the superior option to a sahp.