Dd ruined graduation

[DrudgeyPants]

I didn’t put this in aibu because I’m feeling too miserable to get a bashing, but perhaps I am bu.

Dd’s graduation yesterday. It was 3 hours away so we stayed in a nice hotel for a treat. On the morning dd received a job rejection, and that was it. She descended into a foul mood.

The day was an abject failure. After the ceremony dd snapped that she was off to return her gown. “But the photos….” we said weakly and dd replied sarcastically that there would be no photos.

Everyone else was being jolly but not us. We stood around for a bit, me feeling like an idiot trussed up in a new dress. Dh and I were hissing at each other not to lose it as we were both feeling a bit teary. We were supposed to be going out for a nice meal, but dd said she wasn’t bothered so we drove home. And that was it.

Today dh has gone into work; I had taken another day off but I’m just doing the washing and cleaning. Dd has gone out.

I wasn’t building this graduation up (I have been to others!) but for dd to spoil it so thoroughly for both her and us mugs has left me feeling very down.

@DrudgeyPants You know some posters are awful! I once talked about Dsis not going to her graduation and not sharing the day with DM, in the circumstances I explained upthread. I was told DM must have abused dsis! You really do get the pits on here. There are posters who always think the worst of anyone and it’s utterly unjustified - and bizarre.

So I think you are naturally disappointed because most graduates can include and thank their parents at a graduation ceremony without drama. Many will have had job disappointments. You are just going to have to think how you handle her job applications and moods in the future. Employers want resilience and people who are team players. Not ones who flounce off.

She assumes. What if DD sees this thread?

500+ comments all berating her daughter. All it takes is one person to see who knows the family, and the daughter finds out.

I agree with this op. Sums it up.

Not every post you disagree with is ‘nasty’.

Save it for the actual nasty posts 🙄

People who know the family won’t know what happened at the graduation, so that’s ridiculous.

You are right, actually. There are worse ones.

I agreed with your earlier post about posters ignoring DD's humanity in this situation but didn't believe it applied to OP.

I don't think OP has at all stated that she thinks her DD is awful. She's upset about DD's behaviour, and she is perfectly entitled to be. I don't think there's any need for 'her poor daughter'; OP didn't do anything unfair or unkind to her DD, or pressurise her in anyway after she said she didn't want to take a photo / go for dinner.

The comment you made about considering DD from a human perspective is also applicable to OP you know!

@RainSoakedNightsNot going to happen! People at the uni won’t have bothered to notice and op won’t have told anyone she’s got a very unkind selfish daughter in real life!

How do you know? It’s happened to me before - where I thought nobody would find out, but someone did.

At the end of the day, if OP didn’t want to be challenged on her thoughts, she should have vented to her husband with a glass of wine and moved on. It’s quite ironic really that the same posters who have spent 500+ comments saying the D isn’t resilient, is unemployable and will never have a partner are now reassuring OP because she’s upset that she got rejected!

It's an anonymous forum. Nobody has set anyone up. I can't even imagine a student DD of 21/22 coming on here unless they were parents. Mine would have thought it the height of uncoolness.

@RainSoakedNights - yes, horrid, horrid dd. We’ve just had a big cuddle. So there.

TBH - and you're not going to like this answer - but for DD's own sake that hypothetical (and it is a hypothetical) might not be the worst outcome for the DD.

I'm sorry she felt sad on her Graduation Day and I wish she had got the job offer as well as the rest of it. However, life won't always deliver to the max expectations and I genuinely think it would help DD to realise she needs to work on perspective if she isn't going to find life an unmanageable rollercoaster. We don't get enough constant smooth in this life to not be able to field a bit of rough with it.

Does she know that while you’re cuddling her you’re on the internet calling her spoilt?🥴

But that’s not what happened at all, is it? She had a normal human reaction to being disappointed. You don’t have to be smiley all the time for the sake of others.

What scares you so much about women talking to other women online?

She has no idea how lucky she is

Maybe the DD will think on and not be such an entitled madam in future.
Fine to be disappointed by a job rejection, never fine to be rude to your family because of it. Moody people who take it out on their family are the pits.

What riles me is I’ve been in exactly the same position as OP’s daughter. And instead of properly supporting her, OP is being absolutely horrid about her daughter online.

No, she has expressed disappointment about her DD's behaviour. Perfectly reasonably.

Such nastiness.
What an entitled spoiled madam.
Of course yanbu.
She has form and clearly she is used to getti g away with it.
I would be telling her that she ruined the day with her behaviour and to stay out of my way.
Your daughter needs to grow the hell up and to learn the whole bloody world does not revolve around her.
Everyone gets knocked back, it's how you handle it that counts.
Tell her that it will be the last time she will get the opportunity to behave as she did.
Time she moved out.

Lots of graduates will be getting knocked back but she's the only one who thought it acceptable to ruin the day for her parents.
She's a disgrace and its about time someone told her that.

You have my full sympathy OP, but stop tolerating such awful behaviour.
You have created a monster by doing so.

OP, I feel for you. And I can understand why you were upset.
Your daughter wasn’t just disappointed, she was in a black mood and was unpleasant to you when photos were mentioned.

It does sounds like she is a high achiever and not used to things working out for her. So it was probably a nasty shock for her.

Resilience is a learned behaviour. And I do believe in the saying ‘What is for you won’t pass you by’.

Not that I would ever mention that aloud regarding somebody’s disappointment!! But in hindsight it is often true.

Not talking for the OP, but my own teenage daughter really wouldn't mind and would probably agree 😂

Oh come on! She has written very fairly - she hasn't said anything critical or nasty about her DD - only about her disappointment at DD's behaviour on an important day that meant a lot.

I agree with you that some posters have been truly awful about OP's DD. But you have been really harsh and unfair on OP, and that's 'horrid' of you, especially when OP started by staying how upset she felt that she had avoided AIBU to avoid a pile-on.