Dd ruined graduation

[DrudgeyPants]

I didn’t put this in aibu because I’m feeling too miserable to get a bashing, but perhaps I am bu.

Dd’s graduation yesterday. It was 3 hours away so we stayed in a nice hotel for a treat. On the morning dd received a job rejection, and that was it. She descended into a foul mood.

The day was an abject failure. After the ceremony dd snapped that she was off to return her gown. “But the photos….” we said weakly and dd replied sarcastically that there would be no photos.

Everyone else was being jolly but not us. We stood around for a bit, me feeling like an idiot trussed up in a new dress. Dh and I were hissing at each other not to lose it as we were both feeling a bit teary. We were supposed to be going out for a nice meal, but dd said she wasn’t bothered so we drove home. And that was it.

Today dh has gone into work; I had taken another day off but I’m just doing the washing and cleaning. Dd has gone out.

I wasn’t building this graduation up (I have been to others!) but for dd to spoil it so thoroughly for both her and us mugs has left me feeling very down.

Any indication she didn’t support her daughter? I’m not seeing any. She’s having a vent now, in a place DD isn’t, but on the day and since? Any indication in any of OP’s post that she didn’t support her daughter in the moment?

@DrudgeyPants Your post just before 1 pm is just what dsis thought.

Seeing as she’s not mentioned it once, hasn’t come back to tell anyone who’s said that she hasn’t that they’re wrong, but has managed to come back multiple times and state how awful her daughter is, I can imagine she didn’t! Her poor daughter

I’m sorry you had a bad day, but as a parent I really think you should have taken your DD aside and told her to stop behaving like a spoilt brat and put a smile on her face. Everyone gets rejected - it’s part of life, but we have to keep on going. It’s hard, but it’s life.
Do you always enable her moods to not rock the boat?

A wedding day is different because it’s 2 people’s shared celebration.

If it was a birthday and PP wanted to cry because she’d just lost her job and didn’t feel like celebrating by going for a meal that her DH was looking forward to, then so be it.

If it’s your day, then you shouldn’t have to pretend to be happy or do something that you don’t want to do when you’re feeling so upset, just because another person was looking forward to it.

@SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice are you OK?

Is this a triggering topic for you?

You seem to be fixating on points that simply aren't apparent on any of OP's posts

I remember feeling really down on my graduation day. End of an amazing three years but also my best friends I’d made and lived with graduated on a different day and I hadn’t really gelled with anyone on my actual course much so I didn’t really have anyone to celebrate with. It was also just a bit of an anti climax in a way - as people have said it’s a lot of standing around and a few pictures!
Don’t be too hard on her. Like another has said she was feeling down about the job and there may have been other unknown factors at play and she didn’t have the emotional maturity to deal with it and put on a brave face.

Its unfortunate that she received bad news prior to her graduation and it may have been a job she really wanted. However none of that really excuses her behaviour which sounds appalling. I say this not to malign her but she is going to have a very hard time in life if she is unable to regulate her emotions better than this.

Oh come on! People get job rejections. Yes its sad, yes some are more disappointing than others.

Are you suggesting that unless she gets the job she wants WHEN she wants it as well as her degree AND her prize she is quite justified in not rallying to function?

This is getting a bit upsetting now: I’ve been on MN 20 years so I should realise that some posters like attacking the OP.

But it’s ludicrous saying that because I didn’t reply to someone what they said is true! Awful things, too.

What on earth?

I said you don’t know what has happened since the initial disappointment. Using my own example - I got told I was losing the job I loved. If you’d seen me in the first two days, you’d no doubt be saying the same horrible things about me. I was a bitch to be around. But then I went out, interviewed and got the first job I applied for. You don’t know what’s happened since graduation.

Almost as upsetting as it would be for your daughter to find this thread and have hundreds of strangers attacking her 🤷🏼‍♀️ not everyone is going to agree with everything you do or say.

You are right of course. And I knew that. Can I blame autocorrect?😊

Well I think your DD was a bit rude and self-indulgent op. Its like brides who decide the day is all about them and them alone, when in fact other people have a lot invested in it too - both in terms of finances/effort and emotion.

I can see your disappointment and understand it. However, I'm actually more concerned for your DD that she can't, even now, see that she wasn't the only person affected by her actions.

Nothing the matter with expressing disappointment. Treating your parents like dirt because of it isn’t. I know my children have been taught to be resilient and are well mannered, so they wouldn’t do that. Not sure about yours.

Quite. Expressing disappointment is super healthy. It's how we do it that shifts it into an unhealthy category.

ETA I mean most physical abuse has unrepressed emotions of frustration or disappointment at the back of it. Expressing emotions is healthy, but the HOW is very relevant.

You are not being unreasonable. She spoilt your day too even if she had the huff about the job. Little brat! I had no-one to go to mine so I didnt go. I would have loved my parents there though xx

Did she not have any friends or even acquaintances on her course to catch up with? Seems very sad it ended that way for her. Hope she can build some resilience moving forward cos its a brutal world out there.

When my brother graduated from Cambridge my parents built it up as this grandiose affair (which in fairness it was) and my mum actually cried at the ceremony (not happy tears) because she perceived my brother to be cold and unexcited. During the parent/student lunch bit my brother actually sat with his mates' parents away from my mum and dad 😂 and then when he was persuaded to take a few photos he cut his hand badly on the frame that his certificate was in. It was definitely rubbish for my parents and my brother but now many years later - we look back at the photos and remember it as a great day 😃 (which at the time it definitely was not!)

Do you always enable her moods to not rock the boat?

What a nasty thing to say.

@RainSoakedNights how has she set her DD up on an anonymous internet forum?

She's come here because a) no-one knows her DD and b) her DD doesn't know.

Nasty

To the PP who said their own graduation was a damp squid...

Most squid are damp.

For future reference: damp squib