Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

When you have guests do you ...

94 replies

Thaawtsom · 10/07/2025 12:57

... expect your teenagers to move out of their bedrooms? I have a uni friend and his partner coming. These are my guests and the kids have never met them. They are coming from overseas and are coming to this part of the world to see us, another friend, and then move on somewhere nearby to see a third friend. To accommodate them I would have to move one of my teenagers out of their bedroom. I have three teenagers so whoever gets moved will probably see this as "unfair." Is it fair to ask my teenagers to move out of their rooms for someone they've not met before? They do move and have moved for guests, especially at Christmas, but it's normally for big gatherings of friends or family and it's people they also know and want to see. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Modernme · 10/07/2025 13:02

I dont have kids but if i did the answer would be no.
Why would you they can book a hotel b&b etc.
My mother use to do this to me and my siblings and it felt like we came last to anyone that turned up.
Your kids rooms are theirs not for other people.

yeesh · 10/07/2025 13:04

No. If I don’t have a spare room I wouldn’t invite someone to stay with me.

TheStroppyFeminist · 10/07/2025 13:04

Nope! I'd expect guests to either find a hotel or B&B or use a spare room, or, if there isn't one, the living room. But I wouldn't really be keen on that either. I'd be more likely to say "I'm sorry, there isn't room for you to stay but you're welcome to come and see us"

Rooms are really important to teenagers.

throwawaynametoday · 10/07/2025 13:06

Assuming the teen isn't in the middle of exams or another significant life event, and assuming that it's not for weeks on end, then of course you can bloody tell them to bunk up with one of their siblings for a few nights!

I'd make sure that the temporary arrangement includes somewhere comfy for them to sleep, and if anything needs storing or putting away to accommodate your friends then I'd offer to do that for them, along with taking care of the practicalities of fresh bed linen etc. And if I was feeling particularly generous I might treat them to cinema tickets or something to say thanks.

But the idea that teens get to rule the roost to the extent that they effectively dictate their parents hosting guests in their own house seems bonkers!

MissPeachyKeen · 10/07/2025 13:21

I used to give up my room for my grandparents, I can't say I loved it but they were my grandparents so 🤷‍♂️

In this case, tell your children and give them two options:

  1. they decide between them who will volunteer their room
  2. you pick a name out of a hat

BUT the person who gives up their room does get recompensed/rewarded in some way
As does the sibling they share with.

JDM625 · 10/07/2025 13:21

I don't have children, but I wouldn't be having guests stay unless I had somewhere for them to stay- without kicking someone out of their room.

Did YOU specifically say they could stay and if so- which bed did you think at the time? IF they invited themselves, I would have been suggesting a hotel/BnB nearby.

Loveduppenguin · 10/07/2025 13:23

Where does the teen sleep when they move?

WhatTheHelll · 10/07/2025 13:23

Not a chance. I don’t know why anyone would think it was acceptable.

It’s my child’s house as much as mine.

WhatTheHelll · 10/07/2025 13:23

Your guests need to add a hotel to their plans.

Comedycook · 10/07/2025 13:25

I think it's depends on how long they're staying for. One or two nights...fine, bunk down in your siblings room. Three week stay? No way.

comfyshoes2022 · 10/07/2025 13:25

I think it’s reasonable to ask the teens to do this, especially if they’ve done it before for other guests. I would give them some sort of gift or money as a thank you.

Zanatdy · 10/07/2025 13:26

No, I give up my own room for guests, never asked my kids / teens

Butthechildrentheylovethebooks · 10/07/2025 13:27

My DC have moved out of their rooms for guests. Its really no big deal. They know the guests are important to us/them and it just happens.
As they've got older I've asked rather than told them. The last time, I said that friend coming could stay in a hotel and DS said no that's not fair.
Their makeshift bed is a mattress so not uncomfortable.

DragonTrainor · 10/07/2025 13:27

No I probably wouldn't do that except for family who would do the same for us. I don't think it's fair on the kids and you can simply say you don't have the room.

Butthechildrentheylovethebooks · 10/07/2025 13:28

Comedycook · 10/07/2025 13:25

I think it's depends on how long they're staying for. One or two nights...fine, bunk down in your siblings room. Three week stay? No way.

Also this. Only 2 nights max

Womblingmerrily · 10/07/2025 13:28

Why should kids be kicked out of their own rooms - it's their space, their peace and quiet - adults generally have more the of the whole house to play with.

They also are more likely to go to bed/get up earlier - so it's more disruptive if they are somewhere else in the house sleeping.

I absolutely hated this as a child, it just reinforced my parent's value system which was that children had no rights at all to say no to anything and existed to serve the needs of adults.

If you invite someone to your house why don't you give up your room or bed?

KnottyKnitting · 10/07/2025 13:29

I used to hate this when I was a teen. It was ALWAYS my room that was given over to guests and I ended up sleeping on a zed bed somewhere else in the house. The last time my DM tried to do this was me age 24 the night before my wedding. I absolutely put my foot down and said no I wasn’t prepared to stay in the caravan at the end of their garden instead of friends of theirs who were coming to the wedding!

growinguptobreakingdown · 10/07/2025 13:31

Yes we have done this For 1 or 2 nights.I wouldn't do any longer.Neither teen minded although the one moving did curate their bookshelf to impress the guest beforehand , so they aren't known for typical teen behaviour

Shatteredallthetimelately · 10/07/2025 13:33

I wouldn't even ask let alone expect my DC to give up their room for total strangers.

You should offer up your own room for your guests.

MsPossibly · 10/07/2025 13:35

Butthechildrentheylovethebooks · 10/07/2025 13:27

My DC have moved out of their rooms for guests. Its really no big deal. They know the guests are important to us/them and it just happens.
As they've got older I've asked rather than told them. The last time, I said that friend coming could stay in a hotel and DS said no that's not fair.
Their makeshift bed is a mattress so not uncomfortable.

This!
If you get on with your kids surely you just ask them if they'd be up for it? Family life is all a bit of back and forth, isn't it?

RaraRachael · 10/07/2025 13:37

We always had to do this as kids in the 70s. There were very few phones so we were always getting people popping in and my mother would always invite them to stay the night at virtually no notice.
I was forever being turfed out of my room to accommodate these people and had to sleep on the living room floor.

We have one spare double bedroom, so I wouldn't offer to put up more that could be accommodated in that.

LimeLime · 10/07/2025 13:39

Absolutely hated this, as a PP said, stuck on a zed bed with a musty mattress in the dining room with no space to move, nowhere to retreat to during the day, no access to my stuff. And then having to be polite with the interlopers in my bedroom, an introvert's version of hell.

Kelticgold · 10/07/2025 13:41

Zanatdy · 10/07/2025 13:26

No, I give up my own room for guests, never asked my kids / teens

This is what my parents did when I was growing up.

StrawberryCranberry · 10/07/2025 13:45

Yes, we have a spare room but occasionally we have had more than one couple staying and I would have no problem asking my teens to give up their room.

Starlight1984 · 10/07/2025 13:46

As I guest I'm not sure I would want to be sleeping in a teenagers bedroom anyway... 😂