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Original poster

When you have guests do you ...

94 replies

Thaawtsom · 10/07/2025 12:57

... expect your teenagers to move out of their bedrooms? I have a uni friend and his partner coming. These are my guests and the kids have never met them. They are coming from overseas and are coming to this part of the world to see us, another friend, and then move on somewhere nearby to see a third friend. To accommodate them I would have to move one of my teenagers out of their bedroom. I have three teenagers so whoever gets moved will probably see this as "unfair." Is it fair to ask my teenagers to move out of their rooms for someone they've not met before? They do move and have moved for guests, especially at Christmas, but it's normally for big gatherings of friends or family and it's people they also know and want to see. Thoughts?

OP posts:
WombatChocolate · 10/07/2025 14:47

If we have GP to stay, one child gives up their room and moves in with the other or sleeps downstairs. It is usually 2 nights.

I think it’s fine. They are their GP. It happens maybe 3 times a year. The kids know this is what we do and they expect it. It’s not an issue. I probably wouldn’t expect them to do it for random guests, but for GP I think it’s reasonable.

The reason they move out is that they have a double bed. The other sibling has a spare single in their room which can easily be used.

Persoanlly I don’t think there’s anything wrong with DC being asked to make the odd sacrifice, especially for family. I hope they are being brought up to volunteer to do such things. We also often move out of our room for guests. We also volunteer to feed pets for neighbours on holiday, take friends to the airport etc. We encourage our teens to help people out too..without needing oayment.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 10/07/2025 14:52

Am minded to say sorry, we don't have the room for both of you;

TBH if anyone is having to give up a bed/room it doesn't sound like you have the room even if it were only the one person staying.

putitovertherefornow · 10/07/2025 14:56

And........ most of the replies on this thread go a long way towards explaining why so many young people these days are entitled asshats who wouldn't lift a finger to help someone else, and who have no respect whatever for authority (or what used to be called their elders and betters).

CatBooksWineInThatOrder · 10/07/2025 14:59

I’m maybe biased by my experience of always being the child who was turfed out of my bedroom or expected to share my bedroom when this was never asked of my brother so I’d say no, it’s not fair. It’s their home too, plus they don’t know the people.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 10/07/2025 15:05

@Thaawtsom I have never ever moved my kids out of their rooms to acommodate guests!! they can go to a hotel like normal people instead of imposing on others!!

JDM625 · 10/07/2025 15:08

I'd be saying 'Oh sorry, I didn't realise you were bringing a partner.'

'Unfortunately, we won't have space in the house for 2 guests, but I can set up a tent and blow up bed in the garden!!! 😂
There is of course a premier inn/travelodge etc down the road'

Glitchymn1 · 10/07/2025 15:11

You don’t have room for guests and will they want the room
k own gf he tens have been moved out and possibly aren’t happy. I’d prefer an Airbnb.

Pickingmyselfup · 10/07/2025 15:16

Potentially but I'm not sure.

I have asked my eldest to sleep in with his brother for the night twice over the summer holidays but they are 8 and 10 and it's so their grandparents can stay over and do back to back childcare to save us money.

Neither of them want to share but the only other alternative is she has our room and we sleep with him in his room on the sofa bed. Seems like a whole lot less upheaval if he just has the top bunk in his brother's room.

junkmaail · 10/07/2025 15:16

No I wouldn’t. If I don’t have a spare room they need to stay elsewhere. I had to do it as a teen and sleep on the sofa or a camp bed on the landing and would never do that to my own kids. I really don’t see why it’s expected to be ok for children to be treated like they’re bottom of the pile in their own homes.

sophistitroll · 10/07/2025 15:18

i would absolutely do this for a max of 3 nights. Such is life, the kids will survive

NeverTrustTheScales · 10/07/2025 15:19

No, you don't have room for them so yoou need to tell them. Also I would feel awful if I were your friend and you have kicked your son out for me

Vaxtable · 10/07/2025 15:26

If you invited guests they didn’t know to stay then you give up your room and sleep on the sofa, airbed or whatever

butterdish93 · 10/07/2025 15:28

Offer your own room to your guests is what I would do.

ThatsCute · 10/07/2025 15:32

One of our teens has a single bed and the other has a king. The caveat of having the room with the king is that they have to give it to their overseas grandparents when they stay (they come for a week every 18 months or so). That’s the deal.

But no, we don’t do this for uni friends, etc—they would need to get a hotel.

TheTwoOfUs · 10/07/2025 15:33

No, guests sleep in my study on a very old futon.

AuntieAunt · 10/07/2025 15:35

Bit cheeky for you to invite guests and then not put them up.

I’d be explaining the situation to your teens. Offer £50 compensation (or whatever amount) for two of them to bunk in together.

How long are your guests staying? Anyway one of them can go to stay with their mate for a couple of days? Maybe to compensate their parents with offering to take their teen on holiday with you?

If it’s in the summer could one of your teens camp in the garden with the promise of letting their mates come join them?

upinaballoon · 10/07/2025 15:44

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 10/07/2025 15:05

@Thaawtsom I have never ever moved my kids out of their rooms to acommodate guests!! they can go to a hotel like normal people instead of imposing on others!!

They wouldn't be 'imposing' if they'd been invited. They would be if they arrived on the doorstop and demanded a bedroom.

mindutopia · 10/07/2025 15:45

No, no one ever gives up their rooms. People are welcome to stay, but they are never forced to. If they want a bedroom and we don’t have one, they are welcome to stay in an Airbnb or hotel.

They sleep in the spare room, on the lounge floor, or we’ve had people in their camper vans in the drive. I’ve been to people’s houses before and been given someone’s room while they have been made to sleep elsewhere and it made me feel really uncomfortable.

I will add a caveat that 95% of houseguests we have to stay invite themselves. We almost never invite anyone. They ring up and basically ask when they can book in a stay. We’re basically the only ones in the family or our friends who has space and means to host anyone. For the ones we don’t say no to, they know what the set up is. They can pay instead of have the free AI package they come for at our house. I’d be very happy to come to them instead.

Nannyfannybanny · 10/07/2025 15:56

This is Mumsnet of course,where kids don't share bedrooms.we used to live near a main airport,we were always putting people up. Often DH and I had a 2 seater sofa each,it was horrible. Got youngest DD a double bed, sometimes she had the sofa. We had a bog standard 3 bed semi,we couldn't afford spare rooms. DKs didn't mind,it was what it was.

Original poster
Thaawtsom · 10/07/2025 15:56

Thanks to all who responded: appreciate the thoughts (and interesting that I posted cos I felt a bit conflicted, and it has played out this way in the comments!). Particularly the comments that it might make the guests uncomfortable if we turf someone out of their room (even if they are open to it); I think that is how I would feel too (recently stayed at a uni friend's house and slept on their sofa -- kids all had their own double bedrooms to themselves and that felt completely appropriate to me as the guest!).

OP posts:
aswarmofmidges · 10/07/2025 15:58

Absolutely would be an all muddle in together round here - I could never expect anyone to pay for accommodation to see me !

upinaballoon · 10/07/2025 15:59

You say your teenagers do move and have moved for guests they know and want to see. Do they do that with good grace or are they as mardy as hell about it? How many nights would this be for? Have you ever had a bad back and slept on the floor because of it? Whatever is wrong with sleeping on a floor or a blow-up mattress for about three nights a year, as long as rats aren't going to come and try to eat your face? I always thought that shifting about was exciting because it meant more people around.

Womblingmerrily · 10/07/2025 16:02

@putitovertherefornow The entitled asshats as you call them are the adults turning up and expecting other people to give up their own personal space for them rather than do the decent thing and arrange and pay for their own accommodation or put up with sleeping on the floor/sofa bed.

Elders these days have very high expectations of others but no of themselves it seems. I

Rayqueen · 10/07/2025 16:07

Normal in our house or extended family don't particularly need discussions either teens move or younger or even ourselves if we want to. Nothing like the sofa for a couple of nights to have a good time with guests

Shetlands · 10/07/2025 16:10

I'm an 80s/90s parent so you're all going to hate me but there's no way I'd be sleeping in a box room for starters. I'd have the biggest bedroom and a double bed, which I'd give to my guests while I either shared with one of the children or slept on the sofa.