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You're not a... if you're...

110 replies

Gffbjjgfddbjkkm · 09/07/2025 07:21

To start:
You're not a feminist if you're a "Mrs"
You're not an environmentalist if you're a meat eater

Add your own...

OP posts:
DublinLaLaLa · 09/07/2025 07:23

You’re not a feminist if you limit women’s choices regarding how they would like to be addressed.

Maryslion · 09/07/2025 07:23

You’re not intelligent if you start this thread.

StrawberryCranberry · 09/07/2025 07:25

You're not a feminist if you make up rules for other women about feminism.

Maryslion · 09/07/2025 07:25

You’ll never start a movement if you think like OP.

StMarie4me · 09/07/2025 07:26

DublinLaLaLa · 09/07/2025 07:23

You’re not a feminist if you limit women’s choices regarding how they would like to be addressed.

Came here to say this! Why don’t people understand what feminism is?!

MyIvyGrows · 09/07/2025 07:27

StMarie4me · 09/07/2025 07:26

Came here to say this! Why don’t people understand what feminism is?!

Well, feminism is about advancing and promoting the rights of women. Women making choices within a patriarchy doesn’t always achieve that, especially if their choice is one that ultimately disadvantages them.

BlusteryLake · 09/07/2025 07:29

You're not capable of understanding nuance and shades of grey if you start a thread like this.

SutekhsEars · 09/07/2025 07:31

Why am I not a feminist if I'm a Mrs? I genuinely don't understand this.

Theunamedcat · 09/07/2025 07:32

You're not an environmentalist if your vegan

Gffbjjgfddbjkkm · 09/07/2025 07:32

Until there's a male version of Mrs, the word reflects the very essence of patriarchy.

OP posts:
SutekhsEars · 09/07/2025 07:34

Gffbjjgfddbjkkm · 09/07/2025 07:32

Until there's a male version of Mrs, the word reflects the very essence of patriarchy.

Edited

That's a bit slogan-y and doesn't really explain.

PutThe · 09/07/2025 07:40

DublinLaLaLa · 09/07/2025 07:23

You’re not a feminist if you limit women’s choices regarding how they would like to be addressed.

What do you mean by limit women's choices? I can't see how most of us would have any power to do that.

Fwiw I disagree entirely with the OP on this one, since there are clearly women who use Mrs Husbandsname who have achieved great things for us. I don't see how Shirley Williams wasn't a feminist, for example.

Maryslion · 09/07/2025 07:40

I’ve got another one! ‘You’ll never advance feminism if you obsess on minor historical hangovers that hurt no women and which piss off the women you need to win over’.

Boredlass · 09/07/2025 07:42

It’s the OPs sort of post that’s the reason I have feminism hidden. Oh and vegans destroy the planet as well you know…

123ZYX · 09/07/2025 07:47

Gffbjjgfddbjkkm · 09/07/2025 07:32

Until there's a male version of Mrs, the word reflects the very essence of patriarchy.

Edited

We do, it’s Mr.

The difference is that unmarried men stopped being called Master, but unmarried women are still called Miss.

If you want the same as men, drop Miss instead of creating new titles.

Sulking · 09/07/2025 07:49

OP, the way you speak of what you feel ‘feminism’ is, is the same way all this red pill, incel talk works amongst men. You’re just being a men-hating troll for absolutely nothing. Sure support feminism, but feminism isn’t just pure hatred for men.

r0ck · 09/07/2025 07:54

That is such a simplified view of feminism. You can be a feminist and make a choice that isn't a feminist one, in the context of traditionally sexist structures, such as taking your husbands name. It doesn't mean you're not a feminist. Black and white views like that do no credit to supporting women and as other posters said it does nothing to further the cause just makes people feel defensive.

Ohthatsabitshit · 09/07/2025 07:57

You’ll never have a meaningful discussion if you don’t allow the other participants to speak.

You’ll never build peace with bombs.

SutekhsEars · 09/07/2025 07:58

123ZYX · 09/07/2025 07:47

We do, it’s Mr.

The difference is that unmarried men stopped being called Master, but unmarried women are still called Miss.

If you want the same as men, drop Miss instead of creating new titles.

I agree.
Miss/Mrs is no different to Master/Mr - apart from some women choose to hang on to Miss after they become adults. I really don't think 'Mrs' is the problem here...

ShesTheAlbatross · 09/07/2025 07:58

Gffbjjgfddbjkkm · 09/07/2025 07:32

Until there's a male version of Mrs, the word reflects the very essence of patriarchy.

Edited

Right… but you didn’t say “using Mrs isn’t a feminist choice” you said you could not be a feminist and use Mrs. So you’re saying that you can’t be a feminist unless every choice you’ve made is the feminist choice? Or are there just a few certain things (decides by you) that determine whether some is good enough to be a feminist?

I’m not a Mrs by the way. I’ve been Ms since I was about 18. I don’t consider myself a better feminist than someone who is basically the same as me, but who uses Mrs.

Maryslion · 09/07/2025 08:02

r0ck · 09/07/2025 07:54

That is such a simplified view of feminism. You can be a feminist and make a choice that isn't a feminist one, in the context of traditionally sexist structures, such as taking your husbands name. It doesn't mean you're not a feminist. Black and white views like that do no credit to supporting women and as other posters said it does nothing to further the cause just makes people feel defensive.

Can I just point out that for most women their maiden name is their Father’s name, so if you keep your maiden name you are still staying within the patriarchal naming system.

Also, in previous times, if the woman came from the more powerful/ prestigious family, it was common for her husband to take her name. Surnames were about social status, not just patriarchy.

PutThe · 09/07/2025 08:07

Maryslion · 09/07/2025 08:02

Can I just point out that for most women their maiden name is their Father’s name, so if you keep your maiden name you are still staying within the patriarchal naming system.

Also, in previous times, if the woman came from the more powerful/ prestigious family, it was common for her husband to take her name. Surnames were about social status, not just patriarchy.

Edited

Can I just point out that saying a woman's name is her father's but her father's is his own with no caveats is a massive double standard. Why does the father get his own name when he in all likelihood got it from someone else?

There are two descriptive options here. One, everyone's name is their own, equally. Whether they have a Y chromosome or not. Two, everyone who has a surname that was used before them is caveated in the same way.

What we're not doing is having one rule for women and one rule for their fathers.

lljkk · 09/07/2025 08:13

StMarie4me · 09/07/2025 07:26

Came here to say this! Why don’t people understand what feminism is?!

See that's a really good question for MN.
Given that "feminism" has always argued about what is feminism with cult like interpretations about who can be in or out of the label. And there are hot debates on MN sometimes about what is vegetarian (amusing given the word pescatarian doesn't appear in English until 1993...). Let's not touch what is or isn't "vegan"

To me it seems obviously enormously sexist tradition not logical functional reasons that ....

... female gymasts wear clothes that cover their bottoms like thongs (male gymnasts don't).
... men have hairy legs in public routinely but very few women would dare
... women in advertisements or on Strictly bare lots of skin while men on Strictly/ ads wear lots of clothes (women feel cold more so should be wearing more)
... many women wear torture devices on their feet (high heels) while men wear solid sensible shoes
... women with gray hair look "worn out" and "old" but men with gray hair look distinguished

Apparently I'm unreasonable and not feminist at all to think women who actively participate in all those cultural norms, or think they are fine, are embracing ingrained sexism and are indeed active participants in "daily sexism"... instead others argue that the women who do those things are merely expressing "choice"... choices that men rarely make (are men disadvantaged because they can't socially acceptably make those choices?, the men lack the "choice" ? )

Meanwhile MNers are obessed with a battle they already won about legal sex, focusing on something like biological men who look and act like women using women's toilets ... which I can't give even a tiny crap about.

That's why I don't understand what MNers call feminism. My perspective is totally different. More important to me though is that I don't care what labels you use or I use, though. I will always feel mild outrage at the sexism in adverts like this while I guess others can't see it....

ps: sorry Ur thread got derailed, OP, tbf, I didn't derail it.

You're not a... if you're...
AmyDances · 09/07/2025 08:15

You’re not coming across as intelligent or interesting if you invent rules for other people.

AMillionTomorrows · 09/07/2025 08:16

You’re not about to get anything useful done today if you spend all morning on Mumsnet.

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