Is it normal to feel completely indifferent to strangers' lives?

[AmusedTaupePlayer]

Hi all,
Bit of an odd one, but I’ve been thinking about this lately and wondering if anyone else relates.
I’ve noticed that unless someone is part of my life — family, close friends, maybe a few colleagues — I just don’t feel anything about what happens to them. Whether it’s good or bad. Someone winning the lottery, getting cancer, becoming homeless, whatever — I can understand it matters, but on a personal level, I feel nothing. Take homelessness — I get that it’s awful and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but emotionally, I don’t care. It doesn’t affect me. I don’t feel moved by it.
It’s not that I’m unkind or malicious. I just feel emotionally neutral about people I don’t know.
I suspect more people feel like this than let on, but whenever I’ve hinted at it, people react like I’m some sort of sociopath. So if it’s that common, why is it such a taboo to say out loud?
Is this just how emotional bandwidth works? Or is something off?
Genuinely curious — would love to know if others feel the same but just don’t talk about it.

I’m making an observation. The motive is…to make an observation. Gosh you’re a very difficult character aren’t you.

Does your partner know how you feel? I would be sad if the only reason my DH would feel sad about me having cancer was about how it would affect HIM. I would also have the emotion worrying about how it would affect me, but it would be a very secondary emotion.

I also don’t cry much. Having empathy doesn’t mean you are constantly in floods of tears.

Yes he knows. He says I’m the least empathetic person he’s ever met. But he seems very happy with me so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lol

That’s a first. I’ve never been told I’m a difficult character in my life. Even my sociopathic ex says I’m the sanest and most stable person he knows. 😁

It’s something you can feel for a person, it doesn’t mean you have to feel it for everyone regardless. For example, a suicide bomber kills ten people and himself. You feel sympathy for the ten but not for him. Sympathy is an emotion but not necessarily given to everyone. It’s really not that complicated.

Hmm that would be a deal breaker for me.

I’m the same in some ways, but what I try to do is think of them all as other versions of me. The people I meet I try to be nice to everyone as that could me, and we are all connected.

(apologies I have tried to edit this to remove the first post and am unable to do so)

Well he is an adult with free will so he is able to end the relationship if he ever decides he doesn’t like it.

It's atypical, yes, to not feel any empathy for strangers at all. I'd say it was pathological if you were neurotypical. As it is, I think you probably have alexithymia and it's impacting your affective empathy.

But why would i be emotional over something that isnt my doing or cant be changed by me?

I actually dont get how people function feeling bad over everything they hear
Like the world is full of hate, drama and death so to take on emotion for things i cant control sounds VERY draining to me and im glad i dont do it

Id say im pretty functional, i work, raised a good kid, have a husband, have hobbies and friends
I just dont feel a need or want to take on strangers emotions

It sounds like you think that being empathetic to others, including strangers, is bound to overwhelm you or make you miserable. Do you find yourself absorbing other people's emotions without being able to identify or regulate your own? If you do, I can understand why you'd want to protect yourself from that. That is likely to make you very miserable.

People with better emotional awareness and self-regulation tend not to feel that way. They don't hold on to others' emotions. They imagine, feel, acknowledge and then let go. They experience it briefly; they're not consumed by it. That's how they can have that connection without it making them unhappy.

But there are plenty of empathetic people on this thread who do seem to find themselves overwhelmed, often in tears, carry the burden of stranger's tragedies, continually think about sad things which have happened to complete strangers etc.

There's also a lot of people who, while describing themselves as having empathy have actually been pretty nasty to the OP (and others).

Yes, because people vary in both affective empathy (feeling others’ emotions) and emotional intelligence (understanding and managing emotions).

High affective empathy combined with low emotional intelligence can lead to emotional overwhelm or distress.

Low affective empathy and low emotional intelligence can contribute to interpersonal difficulties and cause distress to others.

Higher affective empathy and emotional intelligence typically allow people to form stronger relationships, respond more compassionately to others and experience greater emotional well-being.

You have explained it very well I think.

If you felt something for everyone you didn't know you would be massively overwhelmed, well I would anyway.
Most people are either faking it, virtue signalling, or have been sucked in by emotive advertising, which usually has a very emotional music soundtrack added, to get you to donate.
Edited for spelling

Hiya,

I do think many people do « feel » but only on the surface level then when they experience it or witness first hand have a complete different view/feelings about it. That, is because they didn’t feel it. Could that be what you describe? If yes, then you know yourself better than most.

If no and what you say is that you do not feel anything at all whatsoever. But I don’t think that is what you said. But if you do then maybe we should all be worried about engaging in convo with you really.

Yeap.

The « let go » is what people with lower emotional awareness are struggling with.

Yes, most people aren't cold or emotionally unintelligent enough to just say, "I don't care" when hearing someone is ill, seeing scenes of war and destruction or being approached by a charity collection. Maybe you don't care but have some empathy at least and decency to not state that.

I’m the same as you . But would never admit it . I think it’s because we are overwhelmingly surrounded by constant sad and bad news. I’ve boxed it in my brain . And carry on with my life.

To be fair I'll say that I don't care to chuggers because I want them to fuck off and stop harassing me for my bank details.

It is one thing that distinguishes us humans from machines. I feel compassion towards the suffering of others, not as much as if it were a loved one but other lives are valuable and a stranger suffering, logically speaking, isn't less bad than a loved one suffering just because I don't have an emotional connection with them. I guess it comes down to respect for life in general. I have been known to feel weepy over a humanitarian crisis from a destructive natural disaster or ongoing war, isn't that one thing that makes us human? What I don't get is the hype over things like royal or celebrity weddings where the married couple don't know or give a toss about me or pretty much anyone elses existance, yet people act as if it is their beloved child that is getting married. That to me just looks like people trying to find meaning in their lives through someone else.

Funnily enough I have also been considering this phenomenon lately due to the extremely distressing (I won't go into detail) death of my much loved cat. I did wonder if there was something wrong with me because I am feeling her loss far more keenly than I am having feelings for really bad things happening to human beings that I don't know. I have a degree in psychology but still find it hard to reconcile. Maybe it's because what affects us most is what we become used to on an everyday basis and the everyday norm that is very much part of our lives. We are more likely to miss a person or pet who leaves a gap in our lives than someone who has never bee a part of it. Of course we can feel sympathy for others but in truth it does seem that it's more about our own feelings.

This is normal. How could we have infinite energy to care about billions of strangers? It wouldn’t be useful.

I think the fact that you are aware of it, and that you are pondering it shows it’s fine. You’re ok

It is useful to live in a world where people care about others including future generations.