Is it normal to feel completely indifferent to strangers' lives?

[AmusedTaupePlayer]

Hi all,
Bit of an odd one, but I’ve been thinking about this lately and wondering if anyone else relates.
I’ve noticed that unless someone is part of my life — family, close friends, maybe a few colleagues — I just don’t feel anything about what happens to them. Whether it’s good or bad. Someone winning the lottery, getting cancer, becoming homeless, whatever — I can understand it matters, but on a personal level, I feel nothing. Take homelessness — I get that it’s awful and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but emotionally, I don’t care. It doesn’t affect me. I don’t feel moved by it.
It’s not that I’m unkind or malicious. I just feel emotionally neutral about people I don’t know.
I suspect more people feel like this than let on, but whenever I’ve hinted at it, people react like I’m some sort of sociopath. So if it’s that common, why is it such a taboo to say out loud?
Is this just how emotional bandwidth works? Or is something off?
Genuinely curious — would love to know if others feel the same but just don’t talk about it.

No, just as well!

Ha, I guess that’s because you’re not that way yourself. When I’ve been going through trauma I’ve been much more touched by those friends who were visibly upset than those who seemed unmoved. Because to me it’s hard to understand how you couldn’t be moved by such a thing.

We’re all different. I just hadn’t realised how much until I read this thread - some of the vitriol levelled against those who are born more emotional/empathetic is staggering.

People who have a bit more empathy than OP and other like minded posters , aren’t all carrying crystals, dancing barefoot in forests and sprinkling fairy dust on people. 😏

I think I would feel very empty if I was like OP.
She is the centre of her own universe. It seems to be to be a very limited life.

There’s plenty of vitriol for people with lower levels of empathy as well!

Ah, I guess I just noticed the ones I felt were directed at me and my kind!

Not surprising though, that is after all the crux of non-empathetic people, they don’t get why anyone would care about people who don’t personally affect them. How else does someone like Trump get so many worshippers when the rest of us are thinking wtf? Birds of a feather flock together.

It makes more sense to feel vitriolic towards sociopathic tendencies.

I daresay. But they seem so strangely angry to the point of being rude to the OP about it. You can't bully someone into loving mankind!

Which posts are bullying?

For the record I feel justified in despising sociopathic people having been very directly and negatively affected by one (my ex). They are not on my list of people I ever want to meet.

No it isn’t one extreme or the other but plenty of people here are acting like it is! Many people have explained it’s possible to care about stuff without feeling emotion, but then you have posters declaring that “repulses” them. I mean, come on!

Personally, if I was going through a terrible trauma, practical help from friends would be the most valuable and appreciated form of empathy (and is what I offer if people come to me with a problem). I actually don’t care whether they’re feeling any emotion about my situation or secretly thinking “god what a pathetic wetwipe Rat is that she needs help with this”.

There’s a huge gulf between sociopathy and not feeling actual emotions about things that don’t directly impact you, though. As I and others keep saying you can intellectually care about stuff without having feelings. Why you’re determined to conflate that with sociopathy I have no idea.

If you don't care about other people, why does it matter rhat they know you don't donate to Emma's 5k?

That seems like a contradiction to me.

Hostile? Angry? Dramatic? I can’t speak for anyone else in this thread but I personally have none of those emotions.

Sad, because life as an isolated, stony hearted human is nowhere near as rich as part of a collective. Steady versus highs and lows, sure. But it’s sad to think a person will never know those highs.

Repulsed because I am a product of Thatcher and now live in the US. I have experience of where attitudes like this end. I am repulsed by the lack of humanity I saw throughout the 80s and see daily now.

As a completely separate point, everybody needs a minimum amount of emotional continence. There’s no call for histrionics from anyone not directly experiencing traumatic things.

Well the one that called her repulsive for a start!

OP won’t mind, they don’t care.

It’s very telling that the ones on here with scant emotional connection to the world, view anyone else as histrionic, dramatic, angry and hostile. Surely the reason the world is in such a global mess is because it’s all run by unempathetic people who only care about themselves?

I read that she does care. She cares a lot about herself and so also how other people sees her I think. I read all of OPs post like she just has a very exaggerated sense of self importance / main character syndrome.

Do people really feel empathic to anyone and everyone suffering?

I certainly don't. I love my family and close friends and if anything happens to any one of them, I feel their sorrow and pain, and would do anything in my power to help them. But someone I'd never met, no. I have a general horror of the mess the world is in, but surely if everyone felt strongly about every story of hardship and cruelty, we wouldn't be able to function.

There's so much performative grief too, you only have to look at social media and posters crying for people they've never met, never heard of.

You forgot “performative”, “selfish” and “attention-seeking” ;)

Do you care if a child is in the news because they were treated cruelly and killed by their parents? Does it sadden you, upset you?

So you have to care, unlike the OP who says she doesn't.

Yes I feel empathy, horror and sadness when I for example watch the news. Some news stories stay with me longer. Some news I avoid as I know it will stay with me for too long. It’s a different set of emotions that what I feel for my family and friends. I think it’s strange having to explain this to be honest.

I think it’s awful but I don’t feel any particular emotions, no.

So do you spend your whole life in an emotionally empathic state because of all the bad news? How do you function day to day?