Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Adult children

109 replies

ThisHazelPeer · 01/07/2025 15:08

Hi just wondering if anyone else has adult children still living at home? I am 60 and have 3 adult children. The oldest is 40 and has left home. The other 2 are 38 & 31 & have never left home. They have all worked full time from the day they left school at 16 but they show no sign of wanting to leave home. I'm fed up of the cooking cleaning washing ironing & picking up after them. I thought by now I would be free of the "mum" constraints and be able to enjoy my own life but I'm stuck in this mothering loop that I first entered when I was 20. When I ask if they will ever want a place of their own I just get a shrug of the shoulders & the "I can't afford it" line. I have no life or privacy. I feel asthough this will be my life until I die. I have told them that I would like to see all my kids living independently before I die but they don't want to listen. Help...

OP posts:
lovenotwar149 · 01/07/2025 20:20

They NEED to leave asap. Give then the date.

Cluelessasacucumber · 01/07/2025 20:54

This is so weird, what are we missing here?

Do they have significant SEN? Did you experience some collective trauma? Are you actually incredibly dependant and they're worried about you? Are they abusing you? What are you not saying?

Quite appart from this being a rubbish situation for you I cannot see why your children are choosing this for themselves? Yes you're waiting on the hand and foot and it's super cheap but that would not be incentive enough for the vast majority of functional adults to basically give up their dignity, independence, sense of self and any realistic prospect of securing a partner any having a family of your own. Why would anyone want that for themselves? What 38 resigns themself to living with their mum unless somethings gobe seriously wrong?

RowsOfFlowers · 01/07/2025 21:14

Cluelessasacucumber · 01/07/2025 20:54

This is so weird, what are we missing here?

Do they have significant SEN? Did you experience some collective trauma? Are you actually incredibly dependant and they're worried about you? Are they abusing you? What are you not saying?

Quite appart from this being a rubbish situation for you I cannot see why your children are choosing this for themselves? Yes you're waiting on the hand and foot and it's super cheap but that would not be incentive enough for the vast majority of functional adults to basically give up their dignity, independence, sense of self and any realistic prospect of securing a partner any having a family of your own. Why would anyone want that for themselves? What 38 resigns themself to living with their mum unless somethings gobe seriously wrong?

I wonder the same thing, but it’s become increasingly common to stay at home with the parents, and I would say in some cases it is for economical reasons too

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
RowsOfFlowers · 01/07/2025 21:15

My uncle is in his 60s and still lives with my grandad who is in his 90s! Crazy

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 01/07/2025 22:30

ThisHazelPeer · 01/07/2025 16:31

Thanks for all your thoughts. I won't force them out but I will try yet again to explain why I would like to see them living independently. I'm sure there are others like me out there who feel bit blackmailed into accepting the situation

Um, no. I have one DC who was keen to move out to live with his partner. Do your DC not have relationships? This situation isn’t healthy for any of you.

Olivesforteatonighty · 01/07/2025 22:48

When my son came home after he finished university, I actively encouraged him to move out. He found a flat and shared with two others. There’s no way I wanted him back home.

rosecoloured · 02/07/2025 16:53

pusspuss9 · 01/07/2025 20:16

why don't you charge them a few hundred pounds per month and save some of it for them for a deposit on a flat?

What?! WHAT?! 🤣

godmum56 · 02/07/2025 17:43

ThisHazelPeer · 01/07/2025 16:01

If my friends had this problem I would be saying the same as all of you but when it boils down to forcing your own kids out of their home it's very different. I was forced to be independent at a very young age and I never wanted this for my own kids but I now appreciate that I've made a rod for my own back but I couldn't force them out

then you might as well resign yourself to being a skivvy in your own home and paying for the privelege

MounjaroMounjaro · 03/07/2025 17:01

ThisHazelPeer · 01/07/2025 16:31

Thanks for all your thoughts. I won't force them out but I will try yet again to explain why I would like to see them living independently. I'm sure there are others like me out there who feel bit blackmailed into accepting the situation

You don't have to force them out, but it's perfectly reasonable to say that now you are 60 you want to live differently and don't have the energy or the money to cope with them at home, so they need to move out within the next month. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. If you are forcing anything, you're forcing them to grow up.

BTW they have been used to you paying for everything, so don't fall for it when they tell you they can't afford to go. If you had only spent £50 a week on everything (rent, food, bills) you'd have a fortune, wouldn't you? What are they spending their money on if they say they can't afford? In any case you could let them wait for another payday and then they have to go.

Whatever you do, don't think they will think more of you if you cave in to their unreasonable demands.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread