Transgender 4 year old wanting to join girls only group

[Helpwithdivorce]

So I’ll preface this by saying im very much a live your life however you please as long as you’re not hurting anybody kind of person. However I run a group, which is just for girls aged 4-7.

I’ve had a request from a parent for their child to join. The child is 4 and the parent said they are transgender. Now here is my predicament, which may be rightly or wrongly.

Firstly I feel like this mother is just out to cause drama, there are other very similar mixed gender groups, there is no reason this child needs to join a group only for girls.

Secondly I simply do not believe that a 3/4 year old child knows that they are transgender. I feel this is being peddled by the mother, again feeding the drama.

What would you do? I really don’t want this mother in my group, but the group is ‘inclusive’ so I can’t say no you can’t join.
Currently I’ve just ignored the request.

The parent is obviously trying to set a trap, possibly for media purposes. If the GG bottom line is that they accept trans girls, it is not on you as a volunteer to go against this.

As for the parents of the other girls, it is up to them to decide whether they want their girls involved in an organization that accepts both biological sexes. GG has made their stance clear, and it is up to individual parents whether to vote with their feet, so to speak.

This is much bigger than you, and as a volunteer, way beyond your pay grade. (Unless you’re up for spearheading that fight with GG, but it sounds like you’re not.)

Luckily your waiting list solves the problem for you.

I would just reply - thanks for the application - although I am not sure of the current rules about transgender children and Rainbows, I can add you to the waiting list if you want?

and leave it at that.

and ghost

Scouting has been for girls and boys for decades

Surely it's not hard to understand we are in 2025 not 1955. Both organisations are classed as co educational and open to either sex. Why is it OK for girls to join Cubs but boys can't join rainbows? These are little kids at the end of the day who are very much at a learning and exploring stage.

She does.

She could challenge guides and say its unlawful to accept them and that you are not prepared to break the law and leave yourself potentially personally liable.

Or she can quit.

She might have shit choices, but she does have choices.

They will eventually have to comply with the law, even if it takes a court case to force them to do so. Why should OP follow organisational guidance if she is aware it is illegal?

It isn’t area specific, it is their national policy. I’m lucky to live in an area that doesn’t pander to men pretending to be women so the issue hasn’t come up but it could do.

Put the boy in the waiting list. Don’t bother making a fuss, it will end up in a mess

You will be doing this little boy a great kindness by following the law on this OP.
It is very harmful to young children to pretend that they can become the opposite sex.

Because Cubs and Scouts chose to open their doors to girls (due to falling membership) whereas GG didn’t. They can set their own rules and admissions criteria.

Single sex activities can be very beneficial, especially to girls.

Well done for refusing to participate in the gaslighting of this child.
We're talking about a 4 year old boy with a Mum says he's really a girl! The adults who run the Girl Guides don't give a toss about a little boy being emotionally abused like this as they're too busy flying rainbow flags and getting Stonewall points.
You can't change sex
Nobody should be lying to children about this and if they are, then it's should be a matter for social services.
This (from a clinical psychologist) is how we're messing up primary children by pretending they're the opposite sex. No wonder children's mental health is at an all time low when trusted adults lie to them:

www.transgendertrend.com/childhood-social-transition/

Agree with you this is completely ridiculous but I think you have to go with GG policy on this (which is also ridiculous)

I would keep it simple -
There is a waiting list for joining the group so I can add Thomas to the list.
However GG are considering their policies following the SC ruling so we may have to re-assess the situation when a place is available for Thomas.
You might prefer to look at xyz groups for Thomas, which are unisex

I feel for you @Helpwithdivorce . I honestly don't know what I'd do in this situation. How anyone can know a 4 year old is transgender is beyond me completely. I'm not even sure most 4 year old's fully understand that they are human!!!!! I'm fairly sure DS thought he was Buzz Lightyear aged 4.

I really hope it blows over and doesn't put you off whatever group you are helping out with.

I quite agree, single sex should be just that. My eldest son's Beavers leader threw in the towel when they forced her to take girls. I know why scouts went mixed sex, but it shouldn't have.

That sucks. I mean the main thing that sucks is the mum for pushing adult ideologies onto a tiny child. Could it even be a matter for SS? Probably not but it feels so awful.

Just leave Thomas on the waiting list, and keep letting everyone else go ahead. Later when mum queries it, say that you sent an email asking to clarify some details about the joining form but as you never had a reply you thought Thomas probably wasn’t interested any more.

Be mindful OP, you may have already received and responded to a previous enquiry from the same person, as a test of your usual response to an enquiry for a female child, so they can compare the difference.

I run a brownies group. I have already decided that if this does occur (it hasn't yet), I will just add to waiting list, not contact the parent directly, but never inform them of a place. The parent will get a notification that they have been added.

Don’t children generally have a name that works with the sex they want to be associated with. Therefore Thomas would probably be wanted to be recognised as a boy. Maybe this is a way for the Mother to try and get some female inspiration for her child. I agree she could just be making trouble though. Or the child may of just asked her.

Definitely ignore it! Sorry you are being subjected to this kind of attack. Girls space has to be protected.

All over the guiding website it talks about girls.
You have to look very hard to see they also accept trans identifying boys.
But following the SC ruling it seems they need to either go back to being properly girls only, or become properly mixed sex.
Guiding needs to decide which side of the fence to be on.

Scouting chose to go mixed. Girl guiding hasn't.

The pros and cons of mixed and single sex organisations are not relevant here.

Either the organisation is mixed sex and must accept boys and girls on the same terms, or it is single sex and must exclude all boys or all girls.

Rainbows describes itself as being for girls, so can only exclude any boy if it excludes all boys.

This is perfect. ⭐️

Why are you being so aggressive? And actually I have tried to volunteer with my local group and offered to get heavily involved but they just ignore me despite repeated attempts to contact them and the head office regarding it as I know quite a few little boys who would love to go and I’d love to help facilitate that. So yes actually, I have. And I didn’t say that Squirrels was annoying, I said the fact that Beavers had to be 6 and Rainbows can be 4 is annoying as lots of little boys would probably benefit from going but they have no access.

But yeah, I am game, or at least I was game on the multiple occasions that I tried to get involved, as was my friend, but I’ve lost interest now due to being ignored time and time again.

That poor little boy. 😔

I was hoping that this was a lazy journalist OP but tbh I don’t think it is. This child actually exists, along with his ghastly parent.

The people who run this organisation (not the volunteers) are complicit in failing this child and others.