Would you be interested in multi-generation living?

[CanadianJohn]

I have relatives in England. They have bought a very large house in the country (about 4 miles from a small city), and remodelled it so it has three entirely separate homes; separate entrances, living areas, kitchens, bathrooms, etc. The house was originally built as a small hotel/conference centre.

• They (in their 50's) live in one part;
• her parents (in their late 70's) live in another part;
• the third part is occupied by their daughter, her partner, and their children.

I have no idea how they work out "rent", etc.

Would you like to live like this, or would you prefer more distance from your relatives?

Cannot think of anything worse but then I do not talk to my family anyway.

We live like that with MIL and it works because everyone has their own private spaces and everyone respects private spaces.

There's the main house space which is me, DH and the kids MIL has an almost annexe (it's not actually an annexe, it's a converted but if the building. Our house was originally a fire and ambulance station and doctors house so it's a quirky layout) with a sitting room and en-suite bedroom.
Then the annexe is where the uni age kids go when they come back. They love coming "home" but love that they still have their own space as they're all used to that.

BIL lived with us as well at one point and that worked well until he got a girlfriend who just couldn't respect other people's space. She'd go in our bedroom to borrow make up or my daughters rooms to borrow a top and simply couldn't understand why that wasn't on. Woe betide if one of the kids wandered into their space without knocking though...

It's all about the people. And all about having very brutally honest chats.

And in our case about having ketchup in the cupboard and fridge because opinions differ 😂

I would absolutely love this.

If we lived in Castle Howard. And I'd only include my dad and stepmother, DH and my son (who's still only a teen).

Otherwise - not on your nelly!

Sounds like hell to me, I find it difficult to live with anyone, ideally I'd live alone but I was stupid and fell in love, had children etc.

My mums passed now but yes I would have.
Fil, yes even though he would be hard work.
My adult children, definitely. They spend most of their time at ours anyway.
Mine or dh siblings, not in a million years.

Possibly if it was as described but tbh I think my MIL would expect me to turn into a butler everytime she had guests and they would get miffed if I didn’t turn up when asked.

My mum, just no.

My sisters, I absolutely would.

My own child yes but I would be fine with respecting her privacy.

Absolutely would love it!

As I mentioned in my first post, The house was originally built as a small hotel/conference centre. Perhaps because of location, it was not successful. New owners converted it to a retirement home, but that wasn't successful either; nothing at all within reasonable walking distance.

I suspect it may have been a hard sell for the real estate agent. Among other "conveniences", it has an indoor pool. If I understand my relative correctly, there is a large central area available for all three families to have get-togethers, parties, Christmas, etc. Some people have money...

If I recall correctly, the building is about 7,000 square feet; the average semi in England, Google tells me, is just over 1,000 square feet.

Also, as I mentioned, the three homes all have their own front doors, so wandering into someone else's space is not going to happen.

Good God no

Hell no

No thank you. I like about 50 miles between us all (we get on very well but don’t like
to be on top of each other).

Zero chance. My mother doesn’t do boundaries. My mother and in-laws love going to bed at 9pm and getting up super early. My husband and 2 children are night owls. That’s before you even get to the dietary and tidiness differences. We are all quite different people

It sounds like they have the space and the partitioning of space to make it work. My parents live in a self contained annexe on our property, works really well for all of us as per pp above, boundaries are well established and respected.

My parents are dead now but a hard no. I loved them both a lot & we were very close but the only people I have lived with successfully in my adulthood are my DC! 😂

NO. I like most of my relations, but I grew up within three miles of them all and that was enough! Growing up, I had no privacy as I couldn't even go to the shop without seeing someone I was related to. Granted, it was enough to deter me from a life of crime, as my grandparents would've known- before I got to their house- if I had stolen so much as a Mars bar from the shop around the corner, but still...

Call me selfish, but although I'm female, it doesn't mean that I'm signed up to be the live-in carer, cleaner, provider of Christmas dinners, etc. while holding down a full-time job and raising a family... as the women of my family have done before me. Meanwhile, the men of the extended family don't tend to pitch in and help. I resented it growing up, and wouldn't want my children to accept that as their version of normal. Having moved away, I like having my privacy and independence, and I wouldn't give it up for the world.

Also, I had more than enough of my sibling when we had to live together in the same house. Living next door would be almost as bad!😆

I think that it completely depends on the personalities involved.

After some conversions (extra kitchen, bathroom, etc.), my uncle and his wife moved into the large family farmhouse with my grandparents. He was gradually taking over the farm work from his Dad so it seemed to make sense.

Unfortunately, it killed their marriage. I don’t know all the details but I suspect that my strong-willed Granny interfered too much! My auntie ended up walking out.

So I’d be v. careful about multigenerational living. If either of my children suggested it, I’d def. want my own space and respect theirs.

It’s something I’m giving thought to, as I have a dc with higher needs who will need some support, and I would absolutely consider having my dm come to live with us if she wanted.

But when I think of it, I’m kinda envisioning myself as a sort of benign matriarch and definitely not factoring in new partners, gc, and ageing.

And switch my dm for mil and I’m out.

With my own parents, sister & children- I definitely would.

With my PIL, BIL, I’d rather sleep outside.

I don't know if I'd actively go for it, but may not have much choice - I can imagine a scenario where we have one of our kids as an adult moving in with a partner and their child because it could end up being the only way they can afford to have a family unless something changes radically. We have a spacious house, but we're in no position to give each child enough to help with a deposit in London, and we're kind of reliant on downsizing for a half decent retirement, so we can't give them money that way, but maybe we can offer starting family with us if it's otherwise prohibitive for them. It's something I can see becoming more common.

Well, both my mum and dh’s mum are married to men who have restrictions on who they can live with because of their criminal histories. They aren’t allowed any contact with our children. So obviously wouldn’t work, though I would rather be homeless than live anywhere near either of them.

But I do know people who live like this, aristocratic sorts. My friends have lived in a wing of their grand stately home with parents in the main part of the house and granny in the coach house. Granny has passed, I think, so parents have turned the house over to them and moved to coach house. One or both of their children will eventually get a wing. They have various cousins, friends, etc who live in cottage or yurts on the grounds. They love it, but wouldn’t be for me personally. I just about tolerate living with Dh and my dc. 😂

Yes, I would. I’d like it.

No never

But what happens when the oldest generation is gone? Who would want to buy it?

I love the idea but in reality not sure