No more two tier weddings solution

[Pingiop]

MN stirs up a wide variety of opinions when it comes to weddings. Recent thread was a poster saying they weren’t going to attend evening invites anymore as they viewed it as a diss.

Not all people invited will be close to the couple and not everyone will invited to the day and night celebrations. People on these threads have suggested that the couple only have the wedding they can afford. Not to have the nice fancy dream wedding they have saved years for but to downgrade the venue so that this D list acquaintances can attend.

So in the solution of only having the wedding you can afford, it can be proposed that all couples only invite their chosen guests to both day and night celebrations, this will of course mean most people who aren’t regarded as close friends and family, so D list acquaintances, will never attend a wedding again unless the couple are rich and can afford to invite everyone. Is this a sensible solution to unreasonable entitled behaviour?

Most rational people would not be offended either by receiving such an invitation or if they're the sender, by a polite decline.
100%. Most of those offended by the invitation also seem to think their declining of it is going to cause offence because they are simultaneously so important that their absence will be significant and that they've only been invited to bump up numbers on the dance floor and that without them the whole evening party will fall flat.

"what if I don’t see my spouses partner as a real friend? "

You mean his mistress? I can see why you wouldn't want her at your wedding.

Someone you know from childhood getting married at your local church? Why not?

Well, not sure of this. I know full well that some of my colleagues meet up without me outside of work, but obviously they're allowed to be better friends than they are with me, aren't they?

A group of friends who see each other just as often is a different thing...

You wouldn't actually order people who knew you as a child out of a church. (I presume this happens less with hotel weddings).

Well I highly doubt this will ever happen to me or most people, you seem to know a lot about this, do you crash wedding ceremonies regularly?

I was sceptical about France, so I spent half a minute googling and got the answer:

"En France, lors d'un mariage, la liste des invités pour l'apéritif (vin d'honneur) et le dîner est généralement différente. Tous les invités à la cérémonie et au vin d'honneur sont invités au cocktail, mais certains peuvent ne pas être conviés au dîner (repas). "

i.e. not everyone is invited to the meal.

I would order out anyone who was not invited if they took the seat of someone who was invited, of course I would. It’s pretty crazy behaviour to turn up uninvited anywhere never mind at wedding and expect to be allowed in. I don’t know anyone this unhinged so it would never happen to me. I also have boundaries, so don’t really care who it was, if you’re not invited then you’re not allowed in. Delusional to think you shouldn’t order them out, but I guess I have a back bone and I’m not a people pleaser.

No, but my family home is a licensed wedding venue.

Fair enough. I'll be 50 in a few years and won't be able to afford to pay for everything myself either.

You're a nasty person, you mean. You'd break the law and upset people to get your own way. You don't own the church and unless they've actually bought the pew, your guests don't own 'their seat' either.

It isn’t crazy at all. Wedding are public events. Like it or lump it, it’s the law.

Other than not restricting their access (or ordering them out!), you don’t have to do anything for uninvited attendees other than make sure they know exactly where the wedding ceremony is taking place and at what time.

You don’t need to provide chairs for them to sit on.

I also have boundaries, so don’t really care who it was, if you’re not invited then you’re not allowed in. Delusional to think you shouldn’t order them out, but I guess I have a back bone and I’m not a people pleaser.

You don’t seem the understand that if you behaved like this, the wedding ceremony would have to cancelled. It would be illegal to proceed with it. If you did, the marriage would almost certainly not be legally valid.

I’m not that needy or entitled to think they would want me there if I wasn’t invited. Some random from childhood is not part of my life anymore, I wish them well but why would I just turn up?

We went to a French wedding were loads of people went to the church bit, then there a long bit with drinks and canapés with everyone then the selected stayed for the (very late in the evening) meal.

Yes, I think this used to be fairly common when most people got married where they'd grown up and in the local Church. I didn't get married at "home" but had I done so and held the ceremony in the Church where my parents were members I would not have been at all surprised to see the back pews full of older ladies who had known me in my childhood. They wouldn't have been dressed up, definitely wouldn't have tried to get in the pictures or participate in the wedding in any other way but would have come in for the ceremony.
Where I live now, people quite often show up at the Church if someone from the village is getting married, sometimes going into the service but more often just hanging around outside to watch the bride arrive or see the couple leave. I think it's quite nice actually, it shows there's still a sense of community.
Turning up to a hotel or destination wedding uninvited would be a bit odd though. It must be allowed I suppose because people have to be able to respond to the "if anyone knows of any legal impediment..." part, but unless going for that purpose I can't see many people travelling to something they haven't been invited to.

Yes of course I must be nasty for not wanting random people who were not invited at my OWN wedding 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I take it this is something you do often? I guess it’s pretty clear why you aren’t invited to things, you don’t need to be bitter about it.

A 16 year old can legal marry and have sex with a 91 year old. It’s legal. I doubt many people are going to be doing that just because it’s legal. But like it or lump it, right?

"I take it this is something you do often?"

No, but I was taken to a wedding as a child of a distant relative. We sat quietly in the chapel gallery.

"A 16 year old can legal marry and have sex with a 91 year old. It’s legal."

No, the age of marriage has changed to 18.

It is only legal if the public had unrestricted access to their wedding ceremony.

New thread. How many people would turn up to wedding ceremony uninvited? Because apparently “I’m nasty person” for not wanting random people who were not invited at MY own wedding. I’m not talking to the entitled crazy people here, who apparently do this often as a hobby. Watch out they may be coming uninvited to a wedding near you soon.

I’m sure you did sit quietly 👀did you invite yourself along to the wedding party after?

Obviously not.

At 16 you can still shag at 91 year old then, just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s morally right. Unless you have no problem with that?

i guess it depends
you might get a deal for the meal
and then a deal for the evening.
and lots of people may just be happy to attend for the evening dancing and drinking rather than a sit down meal, on their best behaviour.