Popular things you wouldn't even do for free... (Glastonbury for me)

[BringYourOwnBullshit]

Me? Glastonbury. There isn't enough vodka in Russia to get me there. Too many people, too much noise, hay fever, having to piss and shit (both of which I need to do a lot) in shared portaloos probably with no bog roll, not having a proper shower or proper anything wash wise, feeling sticky and unclean, not having a real bed to sleep in. The list goes on and on and on. If someone offered me £50,000 to go from the very beginning to the very end I'd probably consider it but even then I doubt I'd bite. If I did I'd probably die of misery by day two anyway. Utter, utter misery.

What's yours?

Turkey teeth

My teeth may not be absolutely perfect but at least they look like natural teeth not teeth that look like they've come from Red Rum and painted with Dulux white gloss paint.

Well, for a start I don't fly anywhere I can either get the train to or drive and camp. I don't like purpose built resorts, or tiny tourist settlements without anything there. I prefer muli destination, touring holidays. And hanging out in spaces where the local people are there, living their lives. And I can't see the point of having a pool if I can swim in the sea. So...🤷‍♀️

I remember years ago when I used to fly and package holidays were actually cheap, getting a cheap deal to Crete, a place I know well. But we were put up in this absolutely characterless tourist village....I mean, there was nothing there, just bland white apartment complexes and a shadeless beach. So we hired a car, took off to the mountains, then went to stay in a lovely youth hostel I knew in a place that had character and beautiful walks. I'd never do it now, even if I was flying, because it would be cheaper to go flight only and choose my own accommodation.

Wouldn’t go to a MacDonalds or KFC
to see a Drag Act - not remotely funny
Stay in a caravan park

Live 'in the sticks'. Small villages, miles from anywhere - none of that. ALSO not a massive city like London. Too big (although I love visiting). Give me somewhere the size of Glasgow and I'm a happy bunny.

Camping. Any sort. Festivals, but also camping holidays and the like. Never ever.

AI/'sun hols'. Dull, dull, dull. I can fill my bathtub, scatter some sand on my bathroom floor and get drunk on shitty cocktails there, no need to go anywhere.

Gardens and gardening. Also 'long walks in beauty spots'. Hate nature, love cities, architecture and concrete. I live in a large flat for a reason, but if I had a garden, I'd pave it all.

I won't ever travel to any country where I'd have to cover up and would be treated a second-class citizen due to my sex.

Male striptease. It's not sexy/arousing/fun/whatever. You know the feeling when someone does something so embarrassing, YOU feel embarrassed? This.

<slaps thighs> .... while we're here then...

(and yes I appreciate some of these are grievance that arise from a combination of my job and personality)

Yes to Pleasance loos, and they're tiny and hot
Yes to always seeming to be bursting for a wee
Always having to hurry (back to back shows)
Always being hungover and tired
Fringe Flu, acquired within 48hours
Sideways rain (any)
Heavy downwards rain
Always losing your brolly/jumper/will to live
Hills
Millions of people
Fliers (although I perfected my 'Don't even think about it' face)
The venues with multiple rooms that are impossible to find and have stupid names (why don't they just call is 'downstairs at X pub')
The locals looking cross
Constantly feeling bloated from diet entirely comprised of jacket spuds, 4am crepes and Elephant and Bagels
Always feeling there's a really good party happening somewhere that you don't know about
Getting an overpriced Airbnb and realising the host is a madwoman and wondering if she's going to kill you in your sleep
Distance to the airport
In spite of having every lanyard and per diems still managing to spend a bloody fortune
Comedians who don't start writing their show til June

Aaaah, I feel better.

Absolute best response on this thread 😂

Tbh I’d happily do (and have done at various points of my life) everything listed here other than cruises. At one point pre kids and having gone with a friend and her kids I swore that I would never again set foot in a softplay, absolute hell on earth but two kids later and living in a country where it rains/is dark 6 months of the year I’ve obviously had to eat my words on that.

Watching Strictly, jogging/running/anything related to marathons and going to pubs/bars without food/eating.

and so many of the ones mentioned above, notably festivals, cruises, watching sporting events, wearing acrylic nails etc.

Disneyland however I found surprisingly charming. And I was dreading it beforehand!

Performative dangerous things like climbing Everest.

Wish I could be paid for that. That might make it bearable!

Get married (I'm in a long term relationship but marriage does not appeal, the whole attention on me and the cost! No thankyou)

Go and see Coldplay.

Hello (insert county / place ) and you have to make a loud noise ...
I can't hear you ....
🤢
Actually irritates me a unreasonable amount and I'm not really sure why.
I'll laugh and react if I want to.

I’ve never been to Dubai. What’s wrong with it?

Disneyland (as a child) and Glastonbury (not as a child) are 2 of my best memories! If you're not having fun you're not doing it right.

However, I wouldn't have a wedding even if you paid me. I love going to them but the idea of putting on a big white dress, saying vows and doing a first dance makes me want to cringe myself inside out. (I know not all of these are compulsory for a wedding but I don't want any of it!).

Blistering desert heat, and a culture built on vulgarity, ostentatious wealth, sleaze, slavery and misogyny.

For starters.

Gigs and clubbing. Used to love them when I was younger. Now all I can think about is how loud it is, the overpriced food and merch, queuing for ages to pee in a dirty toilet with no toilet roll available and people leaving their manners at home.

Dubai
Formula 1
Darts Match
Snooker match
Oasis concert
Watch love island

Restaurants that are owned by famous chefs eg, Gordon Ramsay, Heston Blumenthal etc - normally inside a posh London hotel. They are always disappointing and expensive, always style over substance so people can say “we went to Tom Kerridge’s new place”

Rural living with no neighbours, traffic or road noise - terrifying.

Novels “written” by celebrities especially when the cover is made to look like a Marian Keyes book. How fortunate that you are a daytime TV host or radio presenter and a talented novelist too? Who knew? (Not talking about Marian obvs)

I lile cruising as it's easy for DH as he has disabilities, so if.he wants a rest, I can always find something to do. We don't go on those massive ships though.
Camping...well we do camping on small sites with very comfy camping gear. Its lovely watching a sun set with a vino in hand.

I totally agree on Dubai, Benidorm and Glastonbury though. I was at a festival last year, and was reminded after about 20 minutes why I don't go anymore ( luckily a day one).
Also cold water swimming and open water swimming. Just WHY? Doesn't help that I detest fish. I'm not swimming anywhere where it's cold, there are things to bite/sting me in there. 🤣. Just no.

I think that’s too much of a generalisation. Parts of Spain are beautiful and other parts aren’t like all countries.

Cruises - I don't touch the big ships but enjoyed a cruise to Antarctica on a small ship with under 200 passengers and no enforced jollity.
Festivals, Glastonbury? Absolutely not! But did enjoy a folk festival in the village I live in. Two and a half days of pleasant music in places with seats and roofs and home (with my own loo and bed) less than 5 minutes walk from each of the 3 venues.
Las Vegas? Drove through on the way to Idaho many years ago. Driving down The Strip was fun and we got a good cheap meal in one of the gambling places. Didn't gamble!
Baby showers? Yes I had one but was pushed into it and was living in the USA at the time. Still felt a bit embarrassed and as though I was asking for stuff.
Hen parties. Yes well I did go to my now DIL's hen party. I didn't go to the Dream Boys performance as I felt that wasn't for me. Felt a bit uncomfortable during most of it!
Dubai and Disney land? No, not for me. Didn't visit Disney even when living just down the coast from the one in California.
Blackpool? Grew up there and no desire to go back.
Caravans and camper vans, also a no thank you from me.

oh I miss the laugh emoji, that is such a brilliant (white!) description. When that trend is over what on earth are the people with the massive blindingly white piano keys in their gobs going to do.? It is not like dying your hair, you are stuck with it

Not blistering heat if you go from November to February - just like a good English summer. I love Dubai - you could find your observations in practically any country in the world!!

Glastonbury
Sitting outside a crowded city centre pub in the sunshine
Work team events like building a raft or go karting

Im only speaking for myself, but I hate strangers touching me for massages. 😅. I can't do saunas as affects my psoriasis. Steam rooms are ok, but can only suffer a few minutes at most. I don't mind a jacuzzi but then skin goes wrinkly. The pool is ok, but if I wanted to " relax" on a lounger, I'd rather do that in a pool abroad with lovely sunshine.
I admit Im weird though...🤣