How would this affect a baby?

[Appalonia]

If you were already a mum of two and you couldn't cope with your baby crying, so you put them in a pram and put them at the bottom of your long garden, so you couldn't hear them, how would that affect that baby...?

My brother seems relatively fine.

Other than the obvious emotional issues, if this is a young baby it is not safe for them to just be out of sight & hearing.

Put them down for 5 minutes to gather your thoughts but do not leave them at the bottom of the garden ffs

At that point I would be more worried about the mum than the baby being left to cry it out.

Is it you op? A friend? A neighbour?

Whoever it is clearly needs support.

People did it for generations and were much more resilient than Gen Z.

DD used to cry incessantly as a baby. Sometimes I had to give ds some undivided attention. I put her in her cot and closed the door. Big house so couldn't hear her downstairs.

She learnt to self settle.

As a one off? It wouldn't have much of a lasting effect. Repeatedly? The baby would soon learn that no-one would come when they cried so they would suffer from poor attachment and possibly from delayed development.

Not well. You wouldn’t want to be left sobbing your heart out for the person who should comfort and love you the most, alone, not able to see or hear anyone, possibly vomiting because you’re crying so much. Your baby doesn’t care how hard you’re finding things, they always deserve to be properly cared for.

Why is baby crying? Find that answer and problem solved- it will be for something - hunger/comfort/wind… best of luck if it’s you op and don’t be afraid to tell people when it’s shit xxxx

This was normal practice a couple of generations ago. Not that I’m saying it was exactly ideal, but many of us were put in prams to sleep (or cry) in the garden almost all year round.

She learnt you weren’t coming to comfort her. Not something I’d brag about.

It was the done the done thing back in the day but the world.is different now.

You're probably better off with ear defenders. So you can be a calm presence but not hear the noise if you're getting desperate.

No harm came to a baby being put safely in it's cot for 5 minutes. Crying for a short time unattended doesn't hurt.

Your baby will learn that it won't be comforted when it cries, your other children will learn that the baby is unimportant, and that love is conditional.

Putting your baby as far away from you can and leaving it there is not good for the baby, for you or your other kids.

It can be really hard, but your baby needs you, this stage doesn't last that long. Can you reach out to family or friends for support?

More context needed. But, yes, many generations of babies were left out in the garden for naps.

No, she learnt to self settle and ds got 30 minutes of my attention.

The pendulum will swing back and a generation or two ago, it was the way things were done. Pre gen z people are far less entitled.

Absolute nonsense. Being a parent is about juggling and the love is always unconditional.

My children and I are exceptionally close and they are resilient and successful. They are 30 and 27.

This is unhelpful bollocks. Lots of babies just cry. Colic is horrid crying for hours which won’t stop.

This sort of thing makes people feel like they’re failing when… actually they just have a colicy baby.

(not saying you should leave a baby down the garden, but it’s very unlikely to be as simple as ‘oh, had you thought they might be hungry’).

The trick that is much better is putting on noise cancelling earphones and music/audiobook. Then you can cuddle/soothe them whilst cutting out some of the personal heartache. I used it for the occasions when my babies were hard to calm down and it would be a life saver as a trick if you have a baby with colic.

Thanks for all the replies. I don't want to mislead anyone. I'm not the mum, I was the baby. My mum once told me this is what she used to do, and when she told me this, something just made sense, as I've suffered from depression a lot in my life and there's been times when I've felt v hopeless and just wanted to take myself away end cry and always felt like I was completely alone in that moment, like no one was there for me. She didn't see anything wrong with it, and maybe back in the day it was accepted practice, but sometimes I wonder if it's contributed to my feelings of despair and hopelessness...

I am sorry OP. It was advised by health visitors in the 70s. it definitely has an impact, and hopefully we know better now. Health professionals once thought babies couldn’t feel pain.
i hope you are able to get help for your pain.

Guidance on raising kids changes all the time this was the norm back then. My mum told me how everyone would leave their babies outside shops years ago why they went to do their shopping.

In the long history of humans, practices such as cry it out are incredibly recent. Modern expectations of baby behaviour do not take into account the evolutionary reasons for this behaviour. Our babies are designed to be close to us and feed regularly.

More (really interesting) info here https://www.basisonline.org.uk/hcp-why-babies-sleep-as-they-do/

Considering the majority of people of a certain age was raised like this is dont think it explains your struggles with mental health. It's most likely just genes

look up attachment styles. my parents did the same to me and for lots of other reasons related to emotional neglect its left me with a disorganised attachment.

could be helpful to get some therapy to help process your thoughts about it.

This sounds like the kind of thing that some people did a few decades ago. Now people often think “I wouldn’t shut a crying adult in a room on their own and ignore them, so I’m not sure why I’d do it to a baby who is much more vulnerable”.

This book summarises newish research into how cortisol (a stress hormone) shapes people, including about how being left to your own devices as a distressed baby may appear to teach “self settling”, but can in fact result in very damaging, internal responses to cortisol:
https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=vPpwEAAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+importance+of+love+babies&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&source=gb_mobile_search&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiv9L3GwoOOAxWEXEEAHTPyB6kQ6AF6BAgEEAM

This was done to one of my relatives. He was also sent to boarding school at 9.

He is an odd mix of emotionally very needy and insecure, but also quite emotionally detached. He always focuses on his needs first and sees other people in terms of meeting those needs. This is probably more the "boarding school" element but he is not particularly good with reciprocity and mucking in as a team player. He can be quite passive sometimes and prefers having things done for him. Some of it is laziness but some of it is lack of confidence.

My own view fwiw is that children parented by emotionally responsive parents in the early years have a huge baked-in advantage by the time they start school at 4/5 and children who haven't had that advantage are struggling to catch up. To put it another way, the world is a scary and bewildering place as a young child if you haven't been supported and "scaffolded" by your parents and had their help in making sense of it. So when you go to school, you're on high alert for much of the time, it takes much longer to feel safe and you're devoting so much of your resources to basic survival and getting by that you're not exploring and learning as effectively as your peers. School is much more tiring for you than for them. So of course life is much harder and less fun and forming friendships and making emotional connections much more difficult.

My parents were very strict on bedtime. All very well, but we learnt early on that we'd better not disturb them. I often couldn't sleep as a child and I'd lie awake scared and upset but knowing I couldn't disturb them. I used to be exhausted in school the next day. I actually think this decreased my resilience than if they'd been more available. My kids can come into my bed whenever they can't sleep.