Should people be entitled to divorce leave?

[mids2019]

I work in the NHS and obviously people split up/divorce during the course of their working lives. There seems to be some unwritten rule that if for instance a partner is discovered having an affair the person goes off work for 3-6 months with stress. I don't know if I'm reality the leave is for stress or just for the obvious depressive effects of a breakdown and the need to attend to a huge amount of life admin.

We get carers leave, maternity leave etc.but should we have policies on long term relationship break up leave simply to not have staff have to go through clinical diagnoses of stress and hence illness?. Just a thought because as I see it there are basically unwritten policy any way with these things.

Also it is quite cruel maybe for someone for instance to discover an affair and have to go into work fully 'on the ball' as far as work goes....

No.

But if you say no then we have this reoccurring process of staff just going off sick. Basically use of a medical condition to have time off to sort their life out?

Sick leave for stress is appropriate if they're suffering ill health as a result of their divorce or discovering an affair. Or any other extremely stressful life event. There's no point creating specific leave policies for all of life's stresses and traumas.

Plus how would you define who meets your bar? So a straightforward amicable divorce you expect them to work but if there was an affair they don't? It's ridiculous.

System is fine as it is.

Sorry,absolutely not, if the stress is an issue, people have the option of being off sick. Where would it stop, marriage leave,stress of kids starting school leave etc

If you are too unwell to work, then you should be off work with stress.
If you have lots of life admin then no you should not be off work.
Obviously the emotions can make the practical admin harder but why should someone get time off to move house etc because they are divorcing but not because their house is being repossessed for example.
It is appropriate for someone to seek a medical diagnosis if they are unable to manage normal work/life at this point, whatever the reason. I personally don't know anyone who had 6 months off.

Has someone who has been through separation and divorce process I say no. Mine was ongoing for over two years. And in that two years I took two weeks off stress leave. I only took two weeks off because I had to moved house and I wanted to help my children settle, so it wasn’t entirely for me. I supposed another factoris I have a very understanding boss who didn’t question my sick/stress leave.

Of course there should not be automatic leave. My friends DH had an affair , she is a teacher and has taken zero time off. I can assure you she is stressed. If people becime mentally unwell and can be signed off that’s different. Are you saying NHS staff or all staff ? I worked in it as trained as a nurse when young and as much as I can admire those who stuck it out and it is hard work the on a pedestal worshipping of the NHS will be its own downfall.

I’m also an NHS worker. I think taking the time off as sickness, with stress etc is an appropriate use of the policy. Not everyone will take time off during/after a divorce. The ones that need to are generally feeling stressed/depressed/mental health is affected so being signed off under the sickness policy is appropriate.

It's partially an artifact of the long, paid, sick leave available in NHS - and other public service places.
If the sick leave was on SSP, I think the length of absences seen at stressful points in people's lives would drop dramatically.

I know quite a lot of people who have separated and divorced, with and without infidelity, none of whom needed extended leave. What you describe is not usual.

When I discovered my STBXH’s infidelity my work became my respite from the shit I was dealing with at home. This very much sounds like a cultural issue for your workplace.

No.

You should take sick leave with stress.

I do agree entirely with this. The NHS generous sick leave policies (despite them clobbering you over the head with the 'Bradford score' threat - which they ultimately won't act on anyway) are an easy and comfortable excuse for the usual suspects to go off for extended periods.

Then you take unpaid leave ? Your employer shouldn't be paying you because your husband had an affair?

I understand needing to be off if you can't focus. But your employer shouldn't be paying you under those circumstances.

It took my mind off it going into work rather than dwelling it, I didn’t tell anyone until I had to.

I’ve never heard of someone going off sick because they’re getting divorced.

Either you have a lot of v stressed people where you work, or your sick leave policies are too lax and they’re taking the piss.

If someone is really ill, and they work for a big organisation like the NHS sure they should get sick leave (wouldn’t was for those of us who are freelance or working in small businesses) - but certainly not automatically / I have never heard such bollocks - I used to work for a massive national organisation and it was two weeks for a close bereavement.

Have you not noticed the state the NHS and the economy is in?

Quite

Would that not be done via fit note from the person's GP? Signed off with stress?

Woman I once worked with had been seeing someone for a couple of weeks before splitting and she was off sick for a week because he ended it. Edited worked with not for.

Gawd no! Work is often a healthy constant, a distraction and a chance to see friends. Assuming you don't work is unhealthy

I work in the NHS. Most staff take zero sick leave. A few long termers take loads skewing the average. I haven't taken sick leave other than for surgery or infection risk

Interesting replies. I do know some staff that 'battle through' though others say things like 'Becky had 3.months off.....just go to your G P and get some me time'. I have to say from a managerial point of view having a migraine allows you sick leave but discovering your husband is having an affair in itself does not entitle you to leave means there is lot pushed under the carpet of sickness leave. I think this may be unique to at least my part of the NH S though. The d divorce leave phrase was from cynical staff room banter and just got me thinking....

Migraine is a physical health condition. Stress is mental health condition (which may or may not have physical symptoms). The issue you're having OP is not buying into mental ill heath being as deserving of sick leave as physical ill health.

Good point. The issue I think there is a default (maybe incorrect) thought that a relationship break up automatically results in poor mental health and even if it doesn't there is a feeling of entitlement for leave simply because other have taken significant periods of leave due to stress after a break up. I wasn't trying to belittle mental health problems but simply acknowledging often there is time taken off due to personal issues and how should this be done fairly.

You could say the same of anyone who is off sick with stress for any other reason.

And no - giving people 'divorce leave' is a ridiculous idea.