Is the worry of men getting 50/50 in court ,making women stay in abusive relationships

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Just from reading some threads on here , it made me think ,how awful it must be to know your in an abusive relationship,but then also know if you leave he can go for 50/50,.
Do the courts listen to the woman,in this situation?
I can't imagine an abusive husband would make a great father ,mine certainly didn't,thank goodness I only had to go every other weekend.
When did it become normal for men to get 50/50

I only have experience of being a child of a divorce ,and 50/50 would of been a disaster for me

Majority of men won't ask for 50/50, and the majority of those who do ask, don't actually want 50/50, true just don't want to pay child support or they're using the threat of it as a tool to hurt/control the woman.

Perhaps it is a factor, bit I suspect the reasons of women staying with abusive men are much more complex and nuanced.

Can children who are forced to spend 50% of their time with an abusive parent return to court at 18 via a civil case against the judges/social workers who compelled them to do so?

Because these ‘professionals’ need to be held accountable.

But yes I do believe some women stay so they can protect their kids 100% of the time.

It’s definitely a concern but another factor is we live ina society where single people can’t typically afford to live alone and social housing lists are years long. Lack of funds trap people in crap relationships.

When did it become normal for men to get 50/50
You’re making it seem like this is wrong?
Most men are not abusive, why would it be in the best interest for a father and child to only see each other every other weekend?
It should not be made abnormal for shared care after a marriage breakdown because of outlier abusive situations.

Agree with this.

My ex blustered and threatened, said he would have 50:50, try to take full custody, I'd never cope, he'd see me in court if I left etc etc. So I left 2yo ds with him one weekend from 8am on Saturday to 9pm on Sunday.

He never mentioned 50:50 again and has done 6hrs a week for the last 13 years. He refused to have him over night until ds was fully toilet trained and could use a knife & fork. 😁

The cost/availability of housing is more likely to force a woman to stay.

Absolutely,I'm just wondering if there is a connection

That was a simple question
When did it become normal for men to get 50/50
My experience was it was normal for every other weekend,I'm just wondering when it changed

Well, yes in my case.

I was on the verge of leaving when ds was a year old, but didn't because I was terrified that my then husband (and his mother) would insist on 50/50, and i knew it would destroy ds.

Same 5 years later.

I ended up staying until the dcs were over 16, and then I left because I had a breakdown.

Absolutely this. I don’t at all get people who look for complicated reasons to explain why a woman stays in a shit relationship. These people just haven’t kept up with the reality of the cost of living or housing situation. Social housing is as rare as hen’s egg, buying unattainable for most people on a single income ( dual income too) and in most parts of the country private landlords can choose from multiple interested potential tenants making private housing hard to access too. And thats if you can afford it and still afford to live.

But yes, it’s very clear lots of women fear 50/50 custody and the impact on their kids. You see it on threads frequently. The research I saw also said 50/50 is not great for kids. They do best where they have one primary household they spend most time in, and spend less time with the other parent.

We’ve built a system l/ society that has increased barriers to women leaving.

Actually I think I should of put contributing to ,in the title, badly worded sorry

Literally decades ago.
The courts and society have rightly moved towards viewing parenting as joint responsibility and not simply placing all the care onto women.
The Children Act basically enshrines this and that was 1989.

That's what I was clumsily trying to get at ,it does indeed make more barriers to women leaving

Do you think some men go for 50/50 for the right reasons
Or so they don't pay maintenance

I have a friend who did leave and the abusive ex was going for 50/50. She kept brining up evidence of the abuse, he said she is an overreactor and now he is going for main residency. She is in bits.

Some men do it purely as another form of control / abuse once the woman has left them

No I don’t believe the majority of men go for a more shared care model with their children to avoid paying the pitiful amount of maintenance that would be required. Any mother caring for children should be able to see that housing, feeding and all the other things children need will inevitably come to more than the child maintenance amount.
Men are not gaining financially by caring for their children half the time.

Definitely. I've got a few friends trapped in marriages to awful men because they are terrified husband will get 50/50 or close to it. The men have never lifted a finger before and would do a shit job, but "dad rights" are more important than kids' health and wellbeing.

I also know of people who's ex's weren't around to do the hard bit when the kids were toddlers, but requested more contact time once they were older and easier, after somebody else had already done the hard part. Or once they'd found a new woman to raise their kids for them. Dads who have had low contact when the kids are younger shouldn't be allowed to suddenly up the contact time when it's more convenient to them. But the courts seem to give them what they want because of their rights, rather than actually looking at their past contribution.

Why are the courts listening too him and not her ,why is she not being believed .
I have heard of this happening before

It’s a mix. But plenty of men go for it to punish the woman ( the men who had very little interest in looking after their own children even when living with them), or to save money. I have a friend whose Ex’s job means he can’t look after the kids 50/50 but he got it anyway and has his parents looking after the kids most of the time. He did it just to avoid having to give his ex wife money.

Does your friend not work though? The vast majority of mothers also work and aren’t technically available for every single hour of shared care. It’s completely normal to use childcare when you work, it shouldn’t only be acceptable for women to use it but suddenly awful for a man to have his children cared for while he works.

My experience as a child was ,
that it was his right to see me ,
no one ever asked 6 year old me if I wanted to spend my weekend with a man who terrified me .
What happened to my rights
I had hoped things had changed for the next generations
It seems not

Jessica Taylor and Charlotte Proudman have recently been speaking out about this, and the role of CAFCASS and judges in awarding abusive men 50/50. Apparently courts are often skewed to meet the wants of men over anything else, even when it very obviously goes against what’s best for the child.

I know several women staying in rotten marriages to keep their children safe. It’s impossible to leave a relationship unless you’re lucky enough to have a job that pays well enough to do so, plus the insanity going on in court, times are rough for wives/girlfriends of abusive men.

I’ve now several times seen women desperate to leave but they feel they can’t due to risk of abusive partner getting 50/50. I’ve also witnessed the aftermath of an abusive parent getting 50/50. So yes, it’s a real concern.

50/50 only works for the children of the parents get on /support each other and fairly share costs. Each house is fully equipped for the children and they can live their school/social life/hobbies from either house. And the houses are close by. This situation is rare.

i split with my abusive ex 20 years ago . He thankfully had another woman ready so wasn’t too bothered. He agreed I could keep the house providing I bought him out. We had a mortgage of 28k which stil had around 25 k to pay and there was around 40k equity. I extended the mortgage to 45k and bought him out. It was affordable on one wage. He threatened 50:50 and actually started with 3 nights a week. This soon dropped to eow and a night inthe week (his next victim conveniently lived in our village. ) but when they split and victim 3 was in the picture she lived an hour away so it dropped to every two weeks , then once a month. By the time they were mid teens he barely saw them. They are adults now and see him a few times a year at best.

Yes definitely. I stayed for a bit for this reason. When I left and my dd came home from court ordered contact with marks on her I regretted leaving. It upsets me seeing women on these sites always advised to leave and stop contact and trust a system that won’t protect her or her kids