Most batshit thing you did with your PFB

[Eastie77Returns]

Chatting to friends today about the funniest/craziest/omg what was I thinking things we did with our firstborn DC.

When DD was a few months old she fell out of a small ‘smart’ baby swing that gently rocked her and played music. It was a very small fall onto carpeted floor and she didn’t even cry. I screamed in panic and took her to A&E. But before leaving I took a video of the smart swing so the doctors could see exactly how it rotated and I measured the distance from the floor to the rocker so they had that crucially important information as well. At the hospital I think I asked more than once if she needed a brain scan and huffed and puffed when the nurse gently said no😭 No-one was interested in watching the video either!

I've done the same and he's my 2nd lol

My dad used to use a knife and fork to cut up grapes so as not to touch them….. this was for school age children. Bless him.

When ds and his wife where expecting their first,they bought one of those baby monitors

State of the art thing it was-a beast of a monitor

From what I could gather,they could watch her through their phones via the monitor and it would pick up any screaming

They lived in a one bed flat at the time

He cheerfully told me they needed it as 'babies are not that loud are they mum?'

I smiled and nodded

'No son,babies are dead quiet...'

Baby was born and they had the monitor next to her-and sat next to that just watching her though it (god knows what they thought the monitor would pick up that they didnt)

They moved to a 2 bed house and the monitor was quietly sold on fb

They've gone through 4 of those machines (shes a year old next month) that make bottles as the kettle/old machine wasn't good enough

Each old machine was sold while buying the next one

It’s just a bit of fun.

And your statement about now being experts is inaccurate, not everyone goes on to have a second child.

It started early: I use to sing and talk to my bump and tap morse code to my baby from about 8 months as I was worried about them feeling bored and lonely in utero.

But once born I was quite chilled I think.

With my FB his father walked away less than 2 weeks after finding out I was pregnant.
The most batshit thing I did for my son was let his dad stay during his paternity leave so my son would have a good bond with his dad.

6 weeks later he hadn't left and we were living with my mum as he'd hurt our son in the process of trying to hurt me.

Do I win?

🤣🤣

ExH insisted on taking baby dd to the GP because she had a dent in her head. The GP gently explained that it was her temple.

Oh my god, I've done this, with my cat, not a baby.

I used to be obsessed how many hours my son would nap and sleep.
If for example recommend amount of sleep in 24hrs is 16h I would panic if he slept “only” 15h. I would count every minute!
If the nap length should be 2,5h but he slept 2 hours and 15 minutes that would send me into the panic mode and tears because I genuinely thought I ruined him and now he will be forever damaged because he didn’t get enough sleep.

I was worried that PFB at three days old was bored in her moses basket when she was awake so insisted DH printed out black and white patterns to stick around her basket for her to look at so she would be appropriately stimulated, on the offchance we hadn't noticed she was awake.

I mean... she did then go on to pass her 11+ PLUS she has grade 2 piano at Merit standard, so clearly a child prodigy as a result of this.

I’m obviously hormonal because I just think it’s so sweet that our babies are so loved that we can be arsed to do all this mad shit for them

DS was breastfed, I got it into my head that he wasn’t actually eating enough, despite him piling weight on. I used to set an alarm during the night and wake him up to feed every 3 hours on the dot. If he was fast asleep, I’d wipe a wet cloth on his face to wake him up. Eventually, I got so paranoid about it I bought my own set of electronic baby scales and weighed him before and after every single feed to check he weighed slightly more after a feed. It was a ridiculous state of affairs really, he was a happy, healthy, chubby little thing!

DD1 had to have daily walk in theorem for fresh air.

Even when it was pouring it down with rain, I walked for an hour with the pram.

Looking back, I think I had PND. (For this and a few other things)

This is going to sound absolutely ridiculous! So when I had my first I was 18 had severe OCD/PND one of the most ridiculous things I did was she had a bouncy chair which laid flat. I would put her to sleep in the bouncy chair in her cot as I was convinced that would protect her from cot death. For record I totally recognised this was stupid thinking. She is 21 a mum herself now, and I have another 3 children none of them got put to bed that way thank you medication and sanity 😂😂

I internalised the advice that you should never leave the baby asleep on their own, and watched him sleeping for many many naps, feeling very guilty if I bolted to the kitchen to make a quick cup of tea or grab a snack.

I remember that. It always get brought up on here and I think the poster is still around because she sometimes still pops up and says, “that was me” and then defends herself!

When DC was newborn I was having a bath and heard him wake up, a few murmurs, not even crying. Such was my rush to respond, that as I pulled on a robe, I dislodged a porcelain bowl of potpourri so it smashed the toilet bowl. DH then had to plumb in a new loo. Just what you need when your baby is sleeping 90 minutes a a time.

First one I was obsessed by the idea they would choke. Pureed everything, first sign of a cough I would whip them out of high chair, pat them, wait to see if they turned blue, I would cry. Third one was in a high chair at McDonald's eating a happy meal at five months

Oh for goodness sake unclench it’s just a bit of fun, how anyone can take offence to this thread is just beyond me.

Anyway one batshit thing I did with the pfb (there were loads!) was phoning the health visitor to check that it was ok to have a new carpet fitted as I was convinced the new carpet fumes would kill him and DH thought I was mad so I phoned the HV to prove I was right only I obviously wasn’t and we got the new carpet.

I feel you have missed the point of the post somewhat…

One of my sons and his wife followed a particular method with newborns which included not making eye contact with the baby after 6 pm so they knew it was bedtime …. they didn’t do it with subsequent babies.
Like a good mother in law I made no comment, just nodded and followed the rules

This is so random and hilarious!

PFB had a serious Poonami (think along the levels of needing to bin everything she was wearing) whilst we were out. Used all the wipes I had to clean her and changed her into spare clothes I had with me. She put her hand in the last bit of poo and quick as a flash rubbed this beteeen her hands. There was no tap in the baby change I was in and I’d just used all the wipes so I put some anti bac in my hand and used that to wipe the poo off her hands. I then called 111 in a panic as I was convinced she would put that (now dry) hand in her mouth and it would poison her. DH thought I was insane. Unfortunately the nurse I spoke to said that it was irresponsible to use that on a baby and I cried and cried.

It’s fun reading all of these but is there anyone like me who never did anything that could be deemed crazy with their firstborn? I have no stories to tell!

It seems so common though that I’m wondering whether there’s some sort of basic survival instinct benefit to these behaviours 😆

Just read further down and that poster has come back!