Most batshit thing you did with your PFB

[Eastie77Returns]

Chatting to friends today about the funniest/craziest/omg what was I thinking things we did with our firstborn DC.

When DD was a few months old she fell out of a small ‘smart’ baby swing that gently rocked her and played music. It was a very small fall onto carpeted floor and she didn’t even cry. I screamed in panic and took her to A&E. But before leaving I took a video of the smart swing so the doctors could see exactly how it rotated and I measured the distance from the floor to the rocker so they had that crucially important information as well. At the hospital I think I asked more than once if she needed a brain scan and huffed and puffed when the nurse gently said no😭 No-one was interested in watching the video either!

I googled "will pushing a pram over cobblestones give my baby shaken baby syndrome". I also was convinced he had jaundice for months and months after he was born and took him to the GP for it. He was a totally normal colour.

@FreddiefanCan I please apologise on behalf of your daughter 😂
My mum God bless her never argued back or advised or offered any unsolicited advice but she must have thought I was fucking mental. She raised four kids herself. And dutifully stuck to my itinerary.

Oh, I also used to carefully calculate to the milligram how much salt pfb had eaten every day. The third accidentally weaned herself on a top trump card. I still have the card!

I peeled every tiny bit of white I could see off an orange before giving her a segment, even when she was 2. Would take me about 20 minutes. I also cut her grapes up till she was about 10 (and still panic a bit now when she’s eating full ones and she’s 20).

Our first abroad holiday with DD was during Covid times, masks etc. I had anxiety quite badly in hindsight. We bought bottled water as you do, read somewhere (probably on here as I was obsessed with it on maternity leave) that bottled water contained too much salt for babies. So spent hours researching the least salty bottles of water for my PFB and sent my DH all over the island hunting this one specific bottle. By the time second DD came along they were both drinking exclusively apple juice on holiday as was the only way I could get them to drink.
looking back, I remember calling my mum in blind panic thinking she would dehydrate. No idea how she didn’t tell me to calm the f down

Let him have a dummy during the day but only until 4pm when I took it off him. My theory was that he wouldn’t wake up in the night if it fell out of his mouth. Batshit crazy. I wish I could do it all again. I’m sure I’d be a lot more relaxed about everything.

I’m still cross to this day about all my in laws waking up my toddler when I’d just got him off for his afternoon nap. They arrived at the house cheering and whooping as so glad to see us !! 🙄

I took my PFB to the doctor at every single tiny ailment, he must have been so sick of seeing me.
The highlight was when I spotted a dark patch in her belly button, I googled it…a baby hernia!!!!
I shot down to the doctors and demanded an instant appointment, rushed ahead of everyone else in the waiting room to see the doctor, virtually hysterical.
The doctor examined my baby and very gently pulled a bit of belly button fluff off her.
Absolutely mortified!

I did this - also spent ages pushing creamed spinach into penne tubes! Crazy amounts of frozen Annabel Karmel ice cube meals.

My mum thought this too. I vaguely remember being 5 and not able to sleep because of all the dramatic classical music.

I think mine must have thrived on neglect reading some of this. MIL insisted on a precise itinerary, rather than just getting on with it, despite raising three.

On the batshit spectrum, bf through infective mastitis and then a breast abscess with a tube draining puss over my shoulder and taped to my back.

Reading DS the Illiaf and the Odyssey when he was a few weeks old.

Re the first because my HV told me that "bottle feeding mothers put themselves first and breastfeeding mothers put their babies first"

Re the second because my HV told me that her role was to make sure mothers talked to their babies enough for them to develop speech.

Once DS1 was 8 weeks, I never saw a health visitor ever again. However, perhaps a vicarious benefit was that DS1 brought me home a first in Classics from Oxford.

I have told this story on here before and for a while was MN famous becasue of it <preens>. Another poster even tried to claim it as their own
I had read that to ensure your child was the correct temprature when going out theey should be wearing one more layer than you.
I got DD ready to go for a walk and noticed that we were both wearing the same number of layers - so I did the obvious thing and took one of MY layers off

I used to get all huffy if my MIL offered my PFB a biscuit. Now I'd give absolutely anything for her to even know who I am never mind dish out biscuits. 😀

Told my dad to leave his girlfriend as she was clearly a psychopath.

I’d arduously pumped a bit of breastmilk whilst staying with them, I wasn’t able to breastfeed and had to top up with formula so every time I managed to pump some of my own milk out it was a win.

she saw it on the side when I went to the loo and chucked it down the sink thinking it was old formula as it smelt ‘funny’ 🤬🤬

I can laugh about it now but I basically pulled my dad to the side and told him he was getting into bed with Myra Hindley.

(they’re still together, and I don’t think she’s a psychopath)

I refused to give him any processed sugar as I wanted him to have really good gut health. He was ebf. His dad gave him an ice cream at 18 months and after we got home I had a little cry ( alone in the loo) because of his gut biome might be ruined.

Judging by the responses so far I think the most batshit thing I did with my PFB did was NOT take the breadcrumbs off fishfingers 😬

Weaning was such a nightmare for me I was just pleased she’d eat it!

I was chuckling over the grapes. DM peeled and cut them for dbro until he was about 8 or possibly older.
He had not sn that might have needed it, and was #3.
So not just reserved for PFB (TBF I suspect me and dsis didn't get grapes much as they were too expensive)

Sorry I pre-empted your story above! (although I didn't pretend it was me)

It was just too good to risk missing out ...

Took my pfb to the doctor because his skin was a bit flaky. Doctor told me not to bathe him every day.
"But he likes it" I pleaded, pathetically.
(Obviously the baby could not give a shit.)

Always makes me laugh 😆

Thank you, I have not RTFT but will.
It was on another entirely different thread that someone else claimed they did it but I doubt 2 of us could be so PFB induced crazy!!!

I was so worried about pfb not being able to fall asleep that our strict bedtime routine went on for ages and couldn't be changed. He used to cry all the way through and it struck me one day that he just wanted to go to sleep and not be mauled about. He slept through from 8 weeks when we just put him down after his feed!

I still cut up grapes. My son is 14 🤣

Bought some sunglasses for my PSB, he was only a couple of months, and it was March

Oh here we go. Stories to prove how SILLY new mothers are, now you’re an expert as you have two.
At the time when you did these things, these ‘batshit’ things, I wonder how helpful and reassuring you would have found it to read other women ridiculing you online?