Most batshit thing you did with your PFB

[Eastie77Returns]

Chatting to friends today about the funniest/craziest/omg what was I thinking things we did with our firstborn DC.

When DD was a few months old she fell out of a small ‘smart’ baby swing that gently rocked her and played music. It was a very small fall onto carpeted floor and she didn’t even cry. I screamed in panic and took her to A&E. But before leaving I took a video of the smart swing so the doctors could see exactly how it rotated and I measured the distance from the floor to the rocker so they had that crucially important information as well. At the hospital I think I asked more than once if she needed a brain scan and huffed and puffed when the nurse gently said no😭 No-one was interested in watching the video either!

Obviously I can't speak for op but DS is on long term prophylactic antibiotics so one dose three times a week. No specific condition although he HAS conditions but without it he's ill. We came off them a few summers ago and he was bad was tonsillitis and chest infections for months culminating in hospital, broad spec and high dose antibiotics and a return to our long term antibiotics. He's not needed a dose for anything else since but when he was off them we were forever on doses of a week at a time

Being in tears in a restaurant because I was told by family that we were going with that they’d checked with the restaurant catered for children. It turned out for babies they only really do some mashed veg etc
I panicked about the butter levels on the veg and the salt in the gravy. I really thought that one meal could lead to his kidneys failing. My poor husband had to drive around finding somewhere open on a Sunday that sold baby food jars.

Oh god, I could write a book about my PFB bat-shittery, but some "highlights" would be:
Staying up all night for the first 2 nights after we got home (when he was 11 weeks old) so I could monitor room temp & his temp & adjust layers accordingly.
GENUINELY having to be forced not to call the police to get them to come and slow down all the traffic on the motorway we were on as all the cars were driving too fast around DS
Reading him 2 stories every night but in a specific order - ie book 1 then book 2 for 3 days, then book 2 & book 3, then book 3 & book 4 etc.. this was so DS had predictability & didn't have a shock with me changing the books with no warning (he was 3 months old!!!!!)
Left a 4 page typed itenary with DH when I left baby for 2 nights, including the made-up verse of a song I used to sing him, recorded onto his phone so he would know the tune. (DH ignored it all).
Looking back, I wonder if I was quite well!!!!

Another one I’ve thought off. I was reading the instructions for the pushchair and it said to remove the rain cover when stationary for long periods. Well I used to remove it every time I stopped for more than a few seconds. Poor baby getting wet. I don’t know why I follow that instruction

I was so desperate to prove how special and unique my PFB son was that at his nursery when he bought little wordless books home, I'd write great big essays in them gushing how he understood all the nuances of the pictures and how we'd discussed them at length. I'd wait eagerly with a clenched grin and fidgety feet waiting for him to emerge from nursery, waiting for the glowing feedback and praise that was going to be adorned on me and my son, just to have him pushed out at dinner time along with a big scrum of other kids, with barely an eye glance from the teacher. I look back and absolutely cringe for myself 😆 they must have though I was such a twat !

Forced my lovely GP to watch lengthy videos of my DC1 breathing, on two separate occasions - the first when I feared DC was breathing too fast, the second when I feared it was too slow. He eventually wearily, albeit kindly, asked me "well Mrs Walklightly.... at what speed would you like DC to breathe?".

Amazingly DC2 managed to breathe fine without any batsh1t interventions from me.

Really enjoying this thread, especially the post about the DH keeping windows closed in case he threw the baby out of one! 😂

DS2 (he’s only 10 months so this wasn’t that long ago) a baby bottle with a couple of oz fell off the headboard onto DS’s head, he made a noise but went back to sleep immediately. I started crying and throwing the bottle at my head from all different heights, angles and speeds to see how much it would hurt. DH came in and tried to reassure me all was ok, but ended up doing the same as me!

just wanted to say that reading this thread is so lovely, the unhinged, crazy things we do for our children all comes from a place of pure love and that’s pretty beautiful really!

Steamer.

But I only know this for vinted selling 😂 not actually doing this for my children’s worn clothes.

Mine was an 80s baby, born at the height of the “cot deaths” campaign. He was a brilliant sleeper… but I still used to crawl into his room so I was level with his face to check that he was still breathing…

Mine was an 80s baby, born at the height of the “cot deaths” campaign. He was a brilliant sleeper… but I still used to crawl into his room so I was level with his face to check that he was still breathing…

The first time I took my now almost 3yo out (other than for a local walk) was to register her birth. Took a medium size suitcase containing supplies including an inflatable baby bath , just in case.

Took him into bed with us - he came in every night until he was 30 months. PSB NEVER came into bed with us, if she cried I'd pat her back until she drifted off to sleep. You learn!

When my 4 month old slept later than 10pm without waking for a feed as usual, I somehow spiralled and because she was so quiet and sleeping soundly (for the first time!) I somehow thought she had something serious like sepsis or meningitis and woke her up to stick a thermometer under her armpit to check temperature and turned the lights on to check for any rashes - needless to say she was totally fine, NOT happy with me and screamed the place down after that - first time post partum is roughhhhhhhh. Never happened with my second thank goodness!

I was born in the late 60s. I was given baby rice and Weetabix from 2 weeks 😳

Not my story but read in here. A lady with a PFB had been following all the advice and only ever using “cooled boiled water” for various things for the baby I.e. giving a small amount when constipated, to make a bottle etc. She thought that applied to all water that touched the PFP so each time she gave the baby a bath she would boil kettles of water, wait for it to cool and fill the bath with it over and over

Hilarious

Crying at this one!!

I'm a lax parent, DS has bumped his head a few times, cried, and been absolutely fine a few minutes later. I've fed him fish fingers and chips (he's nearly 11 months old, has a CMPA and chips are safer than mashed potatoes when we're out.) I don't even play with him as much as my friend thinks I should, I tried that for one day, got absolutely nothing done, and felt like I'd lose the plot if I carried on. I do try and read to him everyday, but sometimes forget.

I sterilised all his plastic chew toys in the steam sterilizer. They melted.

I referred to it as The Annabelle Karmel book of guilt. I spent ages making the carrot gratin, DD wouldn’t touch it. I don’t know why I persevered for so long.

I used to sterilise all bottles, teats etc in a big pan of boiling water and then wait to cool down before preparing formula. It made night feeds last for hours. As soon as I discovered Milton sterilising tablets, my whole life changed. But in my defence, we were new parents without any family around us to say 'WTF are you doing?'

Also, more batshit than that was agreeing to have my MIL stay with us for a month to 'help my wife out' as I was going back to work after the school summer holidays and we were moving to a larger place so needed the help whilst we packed up. She was fricking useless. I came home one evening after work and the whole flat smelt of gas. MIL had tried to boil something on the stove but didn't light it and didn't notice. She also refused to take baby out in the pram on her own because she was 'scared of getting lost', wouldn't pick him up in case she dropped him and she would literally freak out everytime I bounced ds on my knee in case he slipped off and fell. This is just a snippet of how bad it was.

Probably the worst was the 4 page A4 letter we received from her childless, older brother chastising us because I took my son to church 2 weeks after he was born. Banging on about how fragile and susceptible babies are and that it's reckless for me to put him so much danger from viruses etc. This is a guy who when he eventually had own kid would wrap his baby up in 5 or 6 thick layers indoors with the heating on full because it was snowing and cold outside. Granted it was in the negative double figures. But there's me in his house sweating my knackers off wearing a t-shirt and jeans. This baby actually suffered from seizures because of it.

I’m currently pregnant with my first one and howling at these. I’m finding it massively reassuring - my DH and I are going to be batshit insane about things and it’s ok because everyone else was with theirs too. I’m sorry you’re getting so triggered by it.

Not actually given birth yet but I’ve been banned from the downstairs loo because my DH smelt sulphur in there and Google says we must have a cracked waste pipe so he’s worried the fumes will harm the unborn baby. We’re about to start major renovation works and until they’re all finished, I’m having to run upstairs every time I need a wee. Which is every 20 minutes.

I think maybe the smell is just a combo of pregnancy gas and all the eggs I’ve been boiling (for the B vitamins, natch) 😂. We’ve both clearly gone bonkers!

I don't think this is OTT.