It’s another “WTF is wrong with me?” Thread.

[Snard4]

I am the absolute queen of procrastination.

running late in the morning; I play games on my phone rather than chivvy the kids, which means they’re rushing around stressed at the last minute. They try and blame each other but it’s usually my fault.

the house is disgusting and I can’t bring myself to do anything about it. There is dirt as well as mess. Nobody has clean clothes and if they do, they have to root around in the clean clothes pile to find them.

I hardly ever do my son’s reading/spelling/maths practice, which I feel so bad about.

i feel like I’m walking up a down escalator. Everything is so much effort and then it gets undone just as quickly as it’s been done (eg cleaning, tidying, laundry) so I don’t see the point.

i don’t seem to be able to maintain friendships. People I worked with have stayed in touch despite leaving the workplace, but when I suggest meeting it doesn’t ever happen. Everyone around me seems to have lots of friends.

I’m on sertraline (for years now) but I don’t want to be.

I guess I’m wondering if there are others who feel like this, and if anyone has any words of wisdom to stop me wishing my life away?

thank you

I signed up for a gym class today but I can’t go as I have no clean knickers!! 😭😭😭

something has got to change 😔

OP, if you do have ADHD, which seems likely, you might find 'The Mini ADHD Coach' book by Alice Gendron useful. She has content online too. Unlike some books this one is very well laid-out and can also be dipped in and out of, so therefore perfect for ADHD minds.
Good luck with whatever you try.

Thank you @TreesAtSea . I’ll look it up. I went to my class in the end, and I feel better for it 🙂

@TreesAtSea i got the book (good old Amazon!) and i love it, thank you ☺️

I'm glad OP, I really am. It's good, isn't it, and beautifully produced too. I'm usually allergic to self-help books which have cartoon-like illustrations, but I love the ones in this as they're so well-done and apt. The life hacks section is really useful, I found.
Happy reading😊

I especially love how clear it all is, and how I can just dip into it anywhere. Fab recommendation 😊

I don’t know if anyone is going to read this but I’m struggling today. I can’t motivate myself to complete my work (working from home). When I do get a burst of energy, it’s scuppered by some thing going wrong with the computer, or by me having to search for ages to find out how to do it. And then I will have to get the kids from school and feed them, which I struggle with every day.

I know this is quite pathetic but I have literally nobody to talk to and this is my outlet.

Acknowledging is the first step.

Is your house messy? Grab a bag for rubbish and run round and put rubbish in it.

Clear surfaces in one room (kitchen/ living room).

Tidying is not the same as cleaning. I can live with the house being slightly dirty, but not messy. My friend will clean around mess because she can't stand dirt.

Decide whether you're going to aim for cleanliness or tidiness.

Hi OP, I guess you've now got picked up your children and are back at home. So if you've done that then you have achieved something that you struggle with.
Are you self-employed, or can you get your employer's IT dept/whoever to sort out your computer problems? I appreciate it must be an extra worry if you are self-employed, but is it possible for you to just write off today work-wise and hope to start afresh tomorrow?

You’re so kind @TreesAtSea ❤️

I am not self employed but have decided to go into the office for the rest of the week- might be more productive!

@YetAnotherNewNameAgain thank you, too. 💐 I think tidy is going to have to be it. It’s impossible to clean, although I do scrub the toilets a couple of times a week, and the kitchen surfaces are cleaned daily.

has this improved op?

Yes, I was also going to mention Peri or Menopause.

Hi all!

I dragged my thread back up as I’m struggling again. I went to the doc and changed to citalopram; not sure if it’s made much difference really. I was too embarrassed to mention adhd 🤦🏻‍♀️

However, I have another appointment coming up and I’m going to ask her to do some bloods to check hormones for peri.

i completely forgot I had bought that book until I re read this thread. I’m going to go and try and find it again. 😭🤣

I get the inner fatigue and boredom from mundane tasks, and we can think "what's the point?", but there definitely are loads of points...to have clean clothes and a hygienic, useable kitchen, a place to sit down and relax in comfort. These are essentials that underpin well-being, the work you do to achieve these basic things makes you all feel good.
Agree with other pp, could you listen to podcasts, audio books, whilst doing chores. Anything at all to connect with what interests / amuses you.
I'm no expert on the antidepressant you're on, but my understanding is they numb positive feelings as well as negative. Perhaps you look into that? It sounds like you get no pleasure from normal stuff.

Yes, I do feel that the sertraline numbed every emotion/feeling. The citalopram is a lower dose and I’m not really sure if or how it’s affecting me at the moment 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m feeling really volatile and struggling so much at home and work.

I don’t know if anyone is reading, but it’s helping me to write this stuff down. I’m thinking of upping my dose which I think I can do before I see the doctor, as I have lots of 10mg tablets. I think she’d agree that’s ok.

I’m going to take 20mg tonight.

In fact I know she’d say it’s ok as she told me I’m on a low dose and can increase.

Hi Snard, I’m not a doctor at all but just on principle with things that affect your mind please DO speak to your doctor’s surgery before suddenly doubling your dose. Medication can do all sorts of funny things and you need to check it out first. Please x

Citalopram takes a month to kick in. Stick with it @Snard4 , it’s better than Sertraline imo. 20mg is the usual dose, but 10mg is usually to start, for about a week.

And take it in the morning, with food.

I'm going to come back to this when I'm not working because I can relate to it quite a bit!

Thank you so much. @giveyourselfapresent i hope you’re ok.

I couldn’t get an appointment til March 😭 so I’ve stuck to 10mg til then, but I’m pretty sure I’ll increase. Thanks for the advice and well wishes 💐

Hi OP,
I can relate so much to your early posts and how you're feeling. Sorry to hear you're struggling again.

I am not diagnosed with ADHD, but like you I tick a lot of the boxes. How old are you? I ask because peri-menopause hit me hard (from age 41/42) and exacerbated so many of the negative ADHD attributes that before I had coped with intermittently with therapy, fluoxetine, supplements, running...you name it, I tried it!

I've also got youngish kids, have had a few hectic years with ill parents followed by bereavement so I'm not totally blaming peri, but HRT has really helped me. Just a thought for you before your appointment on March.

Also, exercise definitely helps, but that's a bit chicken and egg. You've got to start and then keep momentum and it's the momentum I struggle with. But you will almost always feel better after, I find it clears my head so I can focus again. Even just a walk helps.

And don't punish yourself when you trip up or have a bad day/week, we're good at doing that! Just allow it to pass, reset with exercise/rest and try not to spiral.

I hope you start to feel better soon. X

OP, I just wrote war and peace about my own experience of growing up in a chaotic home which I believe was down to having a mother who is undiagnosed ADHD (before it deleted!). The resentment I have towards her and allowing us to be raised in such chaos is probably something I will hold forever tbh. More so because she refuses to even consider she may have ADHD and the state of the home is exactly the same now as it was growing up. I still feel embarrassed when I hear that people have been round there to visit and I don’t even live there anymore!

Please, please do explore a diagnosis for yours and your kids benefit.