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Original poster

It’s another “WTF is wrong with me?” Thread.

91 replies

Snard4 · 06/06/2025 16:13

I am the absolute queen of procrastination.

running late in the morning; I play games on my phone rather than chivvy the kids, which means they’re rushing around stressed at the last minute. They try and blame each other but it’s usually my fault.

the house is disgusting and I can’t bring myself to do anything about it. There is dirt as well as mess. Nobody has clean clothes and if they do, they have to root around in the clean clothes pile to find them.

I hardly ever do my son’s reading/spelling/maths practice, which I feel so bad about.

i feel like I’m walking up a down escalator. Everything is so much effort and then it gets undone just as quickly as it’s been done (eg cleaning, tidying, laundry) so I don’t see the point.

i don’t seem to be able to maintain friendships. People I worked with have stayed in touch despite leaving the workplace, but when I suggest meeting it doesn’t ever happen. Everyone around me seems to have lots of friends.

I’m on sertraline (for years now) but I don’t want to be.

I guess I’m wondering if there are others who feel like this, and if anyone has any words of wisdom to stop me wishing my life away?

thank you

OP posts:
MadameSzyszkoBohusz · 06/06/2025 16:42

I would speak to your GP about possible ADHD. This is all sounds very typical - my DM has ADHD (only recently diagnosed) and my childhood was incredibly chaotic as a result of that. My DS has it too.

MadameSzyszkoBohusz · 06/06/2025 16:42

IANA doctor, btw, and could be completely wrong. But it sounds worth at least looking into.

Original poster
Snard4 · 06/06/2025 17:31

Thank you for your reply! You’re not the first one to suggest adhd to me. I’ve been seeing the same GP for years about my mental health (the sertraline) and I feel a bit daft mentioning it to her now….. No idea why.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snard4 · 06/06/2025 17:31

My poor kids are growing up in chaos, though. It must stay with you as an adult? They never have friends over, for example 😢

OP posts:
tobee · 06/06/2025 18:25

Sounds like adhd to me too. Mixed in with anxiety and low mood/depression. I presume you're not on sertraline for no reason. Have you been able to discuss with the gp about your dosage and whether sertraline is right for you?

My adult dd is on sertraline for anxiety and is in the early stages of getting properly assessed and maybe medicated for adhd. Adult ds has just been diagnosed and is in the process of getting medicated. I'm 57 and undiagnosed but the more I read about adhd think I'm likely to have it. Also I think Dh is adhd too. Dd is also diagnosed autistic. We all have very poor executive function. Our house is chaotically messy and has got worse since lockdown as we saw people less.

There were parts of my dc childhood that were chaotic but 1) they didn't know much different 2) they are quite like it too ; see above 3) they know they are loved.

YetAnotherNewNameAgain · 06/06/2025 18:29

Everybody is being diagnosed with adhd now. I think the world is just too busy and frenetic. Electronic devices are designed to get us addicted. It’s a bad combination.

I think things would be different if the world was a little slower.

tobee · 06/06/2025 18:58

Actually we're still chronically under diagnosing. It's been around since time began. But people are only now becoming aware of it and so people are being diagnosed.

So, unfortunately, the frenetic lifestyle argument doesn't really hold up for people with adhd.

Kreepture · 06/06/2025 19:08

i agree on the getting yourself checked for adhd!

it's quite common for us to have anxiety/depression diagnosed when its actually masked adhd, which does get worse as you get older!

YetAnotherNewNameAgain · 06/06/2025 23:06

tobee · 06/06/2025 18:58

Actually we're still chronically under diagnosing. It's been around since time began. But people are only now becoming aware of it and so people are being diagnosed.

So, unfortunately, the frenetic lifestyle argument doesn't really hold up for people with adhd.

I think there's ADHD and there's ADHD. As diagnoses increase, it just become the new norm exacerbated by our unnatural lifestyles.

Psychoticbreak · 07/06/2025 00:16

aww cute ANOTHER adhd bashing thread. Mumsnet twice this evening and I have only logged in twice for a few mins how cute.

Op i wont comment because I do have fully diagnosed adhd but some of your points I could be horrible about and I wont it is not me. I think perhaps some bloods done for the fatigue or laziness and brain fog, are you possibly peri or meno?

Original poster
Snard4 · 07/06/2025 00:38

Psychoticbreak · 07/06/2025 00:16

aww cute ANOTHER adhd bashing thread. Mumsnet twice this evening and I have only logged in twice for a few mins how cute.

Op i wont comment because I do have fully diagnosed adhd but some of your points I could be horrible about and I wont it is not me. I think perhaps some bloods done for the fatigue or laziness and brain fog, are you possibly peri or meno?

You won’t comment? You just did. Please elaborate though, I would genuinely like your input.

OP posts:
Psychoticbreak · 07/06/2025 00:51

@Snard4 no because then I would be being judgemental on your parenting style. I have adhd and never forget anything about my kids, it is not a thing to do with adhd at all. SOME of your symptoms could be adhd but mainly if you have adhd you have all symptoms of it not some it is not a spectrum. My parenting and the fact I never forget my kids never forget to feed or teach them etc has nothing to do with my adhd or rather my adhd helps me be a good parent.

Psychoticbreak · 07/06/2025 00:55

Also my home is very clean and organised but i have ocd diagnosed also.

IF you are being genuine and somehow think you have adhd (i dont see it myself being honest) but sertraline will work against the adhd brain. I took it for years for my anxiety and basically once I got my diagnosis and got proper medication for my adhd then sertraline was removed as was my blood pressure medication and I now am far more focused on life with one pill a day which has been working for me a meno woman for a few years now.

Twonewcats · 07/06/2025 01:02

Psychoticbreak · 07/06/2025 00:51

@Snard4 no because then I would be being judgemental on your parenting style. I have adhd and never forget anything about my kids, it is not a thing to do with adhd at all. SOME of your symptoms could be adhd but mainly if you have adhd you have all symptoms of it not some it is not a spectrum. My parenting and the fact I never forget my kids never forget to feed or teach them etc has nothing to do with my adhd or rather my adhd helps me be a good parent.

Are you joking??? ADHD is absolutely not one size fits all!!

Psychoticbreak · 07/06/2025 01:03

@Twonewcats yeah i said as much in my post. It is NOT a spectrum. You either have adhd or you do not. Not everyone 'has or is a little bit adhd'.

SnowFrogJelly · 07/06/2025 01:05

Maybe try to wean off the sertraline

LogicalBlodge · 07/06/2025 01:44

I have adhd and sertraline killed my focus and motivation. I've been on citalopram before which was much better - it helps with focus and motivation.

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 07/06/2025 02:17

@Psychoticbreaki have diagnosed ADHD also and OP sounds EXACTLY like me. It really isn’t a one size fits all.

I have no answers OP because I’m struggling too, but you’re not alone.

Original poster
Snard4 · 07/06/2025 08:51

As far as I am aware (and I’ve worked with children and young people with SEND for most of my career) is that it IS a spectrum. “Either you have it or you don’t” is true, but there are different presentations from individual to individual.

I don’t take offence that you think I’m a bad parent, because at the moment I feel like I am.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snard4 · 07/06/2025 08:52

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 07/06/2025 02:17

@Psychoticbreaki have diagnosed ADHD also and OP sounds EXACTLY like me. It really isn’t a one size fits all.

I have no answers OP because I’m struggling too, but you’re not alone.

💐

OP posts:
Original poster
Snard4 · 07/06/2025 08:54

I might talk to the doc about a different med. I was tapering down on the sertraline from 100mg with the idea of going down to zero, but it’s not going too well. The symptoms outlined in my OP are not related to the tapering, as I had them before (for years).

OP posts:
Original poster
Snard4 · 07/06/2025 08:54

LogicalBlodge · 07/06/2025 01:44

I have adhd and sertraline killed my focus and motivation. I've been on citalopram before which was much better - it helps with focus and motivation.

Thanks for this!

OP posts:
AnotherEmily · 07/06/2025 09:05

You sound overwhelmed to me. I agree that it’s soul-destroying to spend ages cleaning a house for nobody to then pick anything up for a few days and it be back to the same state again. Washing for a family is endless. I often have piles of clean clothes I have to dig stuff out of til I get time to put them away. Sitting on your phone is you putting off the same daily cycle of drudge that has fallen to you. Clinging on to a little escape. I am the same! How about earbuds and an audiobook to make it more bearable?

Strangecat · 07/06/2025 09:09

My dc are both diagnosed with ADHD and autism. I am just like you when it comes to procrastination, rushing last minute when I had enough time, the mess (only on my side as DH has OCD). I am sure I have autism and ADHD as my brain works differently and I 100% have auditory impairment issues. BUT, despite all that, my house is clean, dinner cooked, my kids clothes are washed everyday! their bedroom is tidy and I am on top of their homework (I call myself their PA as lots is always going on).

So, I feel from what you have described that you have given up!!!! on everything!!!! kids included!!!

Speak to your GP, change your meds as sertraline is not the best. I hated the side effects and loved Fluoxetine instead.

Take action as your kids will grow up with them memories of mum not being a mum!

JoeTheDrummer · 07/06/2025 09:15

How many hours a day are you on your phone? Would one of those time-blocker apps help? When I don’t have my phone I’m 1000% more productive and focussed!

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